Robert Pattinson will NOT be your Spider-man

January 14th, 2010 // 36 Comments

When word of a Spider-man reboot hit on Monday, an old April Fool’s joke about Robert Pattinson taking over for Tobey Maguire almost instantly resurfaced because, if you even mention the word Twilight, no less than 100,000 women float to your site on a wave of vaginal wetness. Unfortunately for them there’s absolutely no truth to the rumor. Gossip Cop reports:

Yes, there will now be a new Spider-Man, but Robert Pattinson is NOT set to take the part.
Pattinson is committed to a busy upcoming slate that includes Bel Ami, Unbound Captives, and a potential Breaking Dawn production. He’s been wrongly linked to projects ranging from X-Men to Yellow Submarine. The Spidey rumor is no more real.
We’ve spoken with sources close to the studio, which now needs to devise a new identity for the franchise, a new timetable, and a new script. Casting is not yet on the radar.

At this point, I’d like Sony to know I’d be perfect for the role of Peter Parker for several reasons: I’m thin, I wear a skin-tight “crime-fighting outfit” under my clothes everyday, I fling goo (Ladies?) and I hang out at high school proms a lot so I know how to speak like today’s youth. Homey.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. First

    first

  2. chander

    F I R S T

  3. Billy

    ::sigh:: This is a sad sad day!

  4. Overrated

    Is it just me (and I am a female) or are the adult chicks obsessed with this dude and Twilight *literature* (I used the term begrudgingly) entirely lame?

  5. gotmilk?

    4, you’re right, but i’d still like to do him.

  6. lulu

    thank god cause I definitely wouldn’t have gone and seen it.
    Robert Pattinson is U-G-L-Y! UGLY! (Not saying that Toby McGuire is any better looking but, ya)

    #4, I completely agree with you. I am female and 23 yrs old…that sh*t is just f*ckin LAME!

  7. gen

    I hate Twilight, but I think he’s hot. I still can’t understand how anyone finds him ugly…

  8. charli

    @overrated. Robert is a fine actor. i’ve seen him in other things. what is obsessive to the point of ridiculous is this rabid belief that he and Kristen are madly in love, soulmates blah blah. He has said he’s single and they are friends but the hoard won’t believe it. tabs and sites twist everything to be proof that they are together and the fans buy it. but there’s nothing to back it up. everything is open to interpretation. and frankly there are photos out there of Kristen and Taylor that are more romantic, in love etc looking than any of “Robsten”

  9. Comet

    I am not interested in the Twilight series or the mind fucked Mormon that spawned them. But i have to ask, is it me? Or does this man look like he might be mildly retarded? The girl who plays his opposite in the movie looks like a boring dyke as well. I don’t see the appeal. 28/f and totally not impressed.

  10. luca

    i’m fine with the no spiderman thing. but I think that Robert as a young Magneto could be interesting. so i’m a little bummed about that one.

    and I agree with Charli. there’s no real proof the two are together. so I go with what they actually say — very good friends and that’s all.

  11. Courtyardpigeon

    Some tween said that I looked like him because we had “the exact same hair”…true story….so I had it cut the next day….

  12. Colin

    Bel Ami? I hope they don’t mean the porn studio, because I don’t wanna see that in my porn.

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  14. BigNips

    This pastie ass skinny dude would have to workout for the next 10 yrs before he could play Spidey!

  15. The Topiary Cow

    The Superficial Writer would not only bring his slim style but some badly-needed wit to those drag spidey movies. (still chortling over some of your lines weeks later)

    Am rabidly interested in seeing the “crime fighting outfit” please Superficial Writer, please, photos!

  16. Jaleesya

    YEAH!!! I’M SOOOO HAPPY THAT ROBERT PATTISON IS NOT, DID I SAY NOT playing Spiderman. I would have been a disgrace and disruption to the character that Tobey MacGuire so beautifully created. Let alone, all three of the Spiderman movies were better which each time.

    Robert, it doesn’t take much acting skill to play a dead thing…you’re right on…keep playing them…

  17. Jaleesya

    YEAH!!! I’M SOOOO HAPPY THAT ROBERT PATTISON IS NOT, DID I SAY NOT playing Spiderman. I would have been a disgrace and disruption to the character that Tobey MacGuire so beautifully created. Let alone, all three of the Spiderman movies were better which each time.

    Robert, it doesn’t take much acting skill to play a dead thing…you’re right on…keep playing them…

  18. Jaleesya

    YEAH! I’M SOOOO HAPPY THAT ROBERT PATTISON IS NOT, DID I SAY NOT playing Spiderman. I would have been a disgrace and disruption to the character that Tobey MacGuire so beautifully created. Let alone, all three of the Spiderman movies were better which each time.

    Robert, it doesn’t take much acting skill to play a dead thing, you’re right on, keep playing them.

  19. Duke Steele

    Everytime I see this slobs picture I swear I can smell his b.o. What would it be like if he put on a Spiderman outfit? And who would go near him?

  20. r4

    Truly a dashing personality I must say. He is looking so handsome and chocolaty . But I don’t think that he is suitable for the spiderman .

  21. Anonymous

    I’m sorry to say this but he looks like a pedophile in these pictures especially the main photo lol. This guy wants attention in their bunch of brainwashed tweens.

  22. Nicki

    Yes, oh man. You have no idea how happy I am about this. Now the question is, will Zac Efron get the part? He signed up for it, said it on the new thing he was on. He’s a busey man too though, already has that Johnny Quest project coming up, if it does well it could go into a trilliogy like most action heroe movies do. So how would Zac squeez this into his time?

  23. M_D

    if that cock-sucking bastard was the new spidey i’d never watch anything spiderman ever again. this guy would ruin the whole franchise. though seeing as though its all disney now, who the fuck know

  24. Robert Pattinson doesn’t fit the role of a spider man. I think the movie would become a comedy. :)

  25. Justin

    that dude does nothing but piss me off, my girlfriend of over 2 years is obsessed with him, all she does is say how hot he is.. Now that makes me feel like shit

  26. OMg, can I have him ??? He’s so gorgeous !!!

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  29. tabs and sites twist everything to be proof that they are together and the fans buy it. but there’s nothing to back it up. everything is open to interpretation. and frankly there are photos out there of Kristen and Taylor that are more romantic, in love etc looking than any of

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