Robert Pattinson is ready to brood for you now

November 17th, 2009 // 67 Comments

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and that kid Summit Entertainment wants you to believe is banging Taylor Swift worked the crowdfor the LA premiere of The Twilight Saga: New Moon last night. Will Edward’s skin sparkle for Bella because that somehow represents heterosexual love or will Jacob the wolf get some heavy petting? That’s right, I went there. But only to prove a point that anyone can write Young Adult novels:

Meet Curtis the non-demanding zombie. He’s content with just dry-humping and cuddling, but will his hunger for brains overcome his love for Stella, a shy young girl who would never amount to anything unless she finds a husband to impregnate her? Find out in 28 Mormons Later Infected Lust: Necking Just got a Whole Lot More BRAINY.

Photos: Getty, WireImage
superficial

  1. phineas

    Why does Kristin’s hair look like shit?

  2. 3

    I’d hit it!! Robert Pattinson that is…no one else there

  3. Que

    Que Stewart girl esta average/que no looks from me en escuela.

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  6. Rob looks hot and he can brood for me!

  7. life is lonely so,i found a verygood site—Wealthyseeker.com —- It ‘s where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!

  8. Rob looks hot and he can brood for me!

  9. John

    Oh good lord. Are there really spam bots dedicated to Twilight now?

  10. mawissa

    kristen is getting fatttt

  11. ashleygreeneishot

    This guy is wearing a suit at a premiere and he still looks like he needs a shower.

    Hey Superficial Writer – Please block this wealthyseeker moron.

  12. donnerpartyoffive

    I think he’s perfected the dirty, semi-hobo look. Scientists (read:publicists) have been slaving over probably chemicals or something for years and Pattinson is the the fruit of all that labor. You can’t decide whether you want to cuddle with him and maybe hold hands or if you should go buy him a hot meal because any money you give him will go to drugs or hair putty. Also Kristen Stewart just looks fucking cracked out all the time.

  13. jen

    Looks like Ashley is keeping those bump-it folks in business.

  14. lovebugaltercation

    Would it kill him to shave?

  15. Hanson Danson

    I wouldn’t mind having Asheley Greene’s new moon right in my face.

  16. cc

    The girl in the red dress is pretty. Kristin Stewart looks like she just woke up after a particularly drunken prom celebration. Robert P…what’s with this shit about how hot he is? Oh, and nice suit and tie…wait, it’s not the 60s and you aren’t a mod! Forget it then.

    Seriously, if you are over 12 and are into these movies or this actor, you need to see a mental health professional.

  17. girl

    he is the hottest thing on this planet and if you think otherwise your obv a bloke and obv not getting any.

  18. Christina

    Kristen’s dress is actually almost decent for once (normally her clothes are hideous) but what the fuck is with her hair? Damn. I mean I know she cut it into a mullet but it’s grown out enough that she could do SOMETHING with it by now. So hideous. I mean, if she was gorgeous maybe it would work to take risks, but she so isn’t. She’s very average at best and her shitty hair makes her look even worse.

  19. Annie Loves Anal

    I’m sick and tired of how people keep talking about that wolf kid “getting all buff for the role”. He’s still skinny as shit. What, he was a bean pole before? It’s really an insult to people that actually work out.

  20. donnerpartyoffive

    He’s not like fucking Hulk buff but he’s doing pretty well for himself. I mean this is him like 4 years ago, http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4009596928/tt0424774. And he was born in ’92 which makes me feel sad, but then I remember that his claim to fame at this point is being a really pathetic looking wolf.

  21. le fag

    is Kristen wearing stilts in pic #3?

  22. D

    Somebody dragged K-Stew out of the meth lab.
    Wonder if they’re still alive…

  23. cc

    I am a damn site better looking than RP and when I was Taylor L’s age I would have handed him his ass. Buff…what crap.

  24. donnerpartyoffive

    and also so incredibly humble.

  25. Jenna

    That mullet kills me. And wearing her bangs in a high top makes her look like she has a five-head.

    She needs to fire her stylist ASAP.

  26. Jenna

    Anyone else think that Kristen Stewart is going to come out of the closet sometime soon? She gives off a lesbian vibe.

  27. Amy Winehouse's ass hair

    Who are these people? All I see is a bunch of Alien Heads and rubber faces with fat noses and fat eyebrows!

  28. AteIsEnough

    Here are two future crack whores. Kristen Steward has as much talent as my last dump! Not lookin’ good honey. But, as usual they both have the heads of a HUGE celebrities that really have no clue about life and reality. Can see her future now… Kristin Lohan, oops… I mean Stewart.

  29. AteIsEnough

    Here are two future crack whores. Kristen Steward has as much talent as my last dump! Not lookin’ good honey. But, as usual they both have the heads of a HUGE celebrities that really have no clue about life and reality. Can see her future now… Kristin Lohan, oops… I mean Stewart.

  30. BEAR

    the thing i find funny that hasn’t been touched on more is the fact that Taylor Lautner is actually a closeted homosexual. His cast mates know it but he’s being suppressed by summit no doubt.

  31. gotmilk?

    24, you’re a liar.

  32. Exotica

    Ok, I don’t get the whole Twilight “thing”, but maybe that’s because I’m not a teenager? Robert Pattison isn’t bad looking, but he isn’t all that. Taylor Lautner is a cutie, but he looks like he’s 12. Kristen’s hair looks horrible, and couldn’t she find any jewelry to wear with that stunning dress?

  33. I’m guessing most girls are just picking out flaws in Kristen because they want to sniff vampire dicks on the red carpet.

    How old is Dakota Fanning now? I am an excellent spooner so if she ever came to NZ I would invite her to my place with promises of spooning and noodle sandwiches which are surprisingly delicious.

  34. cc

    gotmilk @32…Honestly, I really am being truthful. I know that considering the forum it is hard to believe but I am being totally straight up with that comment.

  35. I’m guessing most girls are just picking out flaws in Kristen because they want to sniff vampire d*cks on the red carpet.

    How old is Dakota Fanning now? I am an excellent spooner so if she ever came to NZ I would invite her to my place with promises of spooning and noodle sandwiches which are surprisingly delicious.

  36. #35
    you’re not a famous actor so no one cares.

  37. Tanzarian

    His beard doesn’t seem to be growing in right or something, and Robert Pattison has some weird facial hair as well.

  38. @36. isn’t this site composed almost entirely of strange insecure men complaining about micro-flaws in female celebrities?

    MARRY ME KRISTEN STEWART <3 <3

  39. Tonya

    Robert Pattinson is totally trying to pull off Jon Foster’s look on Accidentally on purpose lol

  40. Jo

    Pic 1 = pure sex!!!

  41. lain

    her hair is messed up cuz she’s shooting the movie ‘the runaways’

  42. Tire Swing

    That’s a brilliant caption. It’s what he does, very successfully (for now): he broods.

  43. oh hey!

    rob is hot. he’s not the most gorgeous man in the universe, but he’s hot and i’d totally bang him. and kristen is cute, but what is up with all of her clothes? she does not flatter herself. that dress is sort of cool i guess, but it fits like shit.

  44. pdxfacehole

    Crazy eyes reminds me of someone that always has shit stuck in his teeth.

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  46. Stephanie

    Why did they pick the homely looking girl to play the main character? And if she’s trying to pull off that broody look…it makes her look more like a bitchy cunt than a brooder.

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  48. Robert Pattinson

    Robert Pattinson is ugly. Robert Pattinson is fugly. I don’t get it..girls think a guy is hot because the media and magazines say so. This is ugly guy is the perfect example. His eyes are the size of a straight drawn line..he looks like he is sleeping all the time. ugly smile…ugly flat nose..

  49. RP IS FUGLY

    Nice videos of why RP is ugly. Thx post #49..u r on the money!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEeuDqG5hu0
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBDaWCnTiSw&feature=fvw

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