Robert Pattinson Kicked Kristen Stewart Out Is How That Really Went
Last week, reports claimed that Robert Pattinson had moved out of the house he shared with Kristen Stewart, except it turns out he actually owns it and didn’t want to be around while she packed up her crap because he sparkle-kicked her right the fuck out. People reports:
The 22-year-old actress subsequently apologized to Pattinson for cheating, and sources told PEOPLE they hadn’t spoken since until now.
“The entire thing has been such a blow to Rob. Talk about having his heart ripped out,” a source who knows the couple tells PEOPLE. “Rob just isn’t going to be able to get past the cheating – one time or not.”
Except not only did Robert Pattinson kick Kristen Stewart out, he had her car towed onto a public street and left across from a McDonald’s. Which would be a sick burn if we didn’t already know she’s adept at living in it and actually prefers her cunnilingus in one. So, really, he did her a favor. “Wow, that oral sex really made me hungry, director of my next movie. I wonder if McDonald’s is still open. *looks out window* Awww yeahhh!”