Robert Pattinson Kicked Kristen Stewart Out Is How That Really Went

July 31st, 2012 // 76 Comments
Cheating For Months?
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Last week, reports claimed that Robert Pattinson had moved out of the house he shared with Kristen Stewart, except it turns out he actually owns it and didn’t want to be around while she packed up her crap because he sparkle-kicked her right the fuck out. People reports:

The 22-year-old actress subsequently apologized to Pattinson for cheating, and sources told PEOPLE they hadn’t spoken since until now.
“The entire thing has been such a blow to Rob. Talk about having his heart ripped out,” a source who knows the couple tells PEOPLE. “Rob just isn’t going to be able to get past the cheating – one time or not.”

Except not only did Robert Pattinson kick Kristen Stewart out, he had her car towed onto a public street and left across from a McDonald’s. Which would be a sick burn if we didn’t already know she’s adept at living in it and actually prefers her cunnilingus in one. So, really, he did her a favor. “Wow, that oral sex really made me hungry, director of my next movie. I wonder if McDonald’s is still open. *looks out window* Awww yeahhh!”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin

superficial

  1. Jack Ketch

    I hope the cheating hoe just goes downhill from here, ugh. Way to go, Sparkles !! lol I don’t even watch their movies, gah.

  2. it had to be said

    UHaul? Sheesh, hire some movers, you cheap skank.

  3. Way to go Pattinson. Fish, that last paragraph was fucking hilarious. Poor Kristen, she’ll need consoling. I’m glad to be your shoulder to cry on and your rebound sex buddy.

  4. Emma Watson's Vagina

    wow this is the great entertainment. It’s shame they didn’t work on anything together that was good.

  5. I can’t blame Kristin entirely for cheating. Three years is a long time to go without dick. Having a live-in shoe shopping partner can only go so far.

  6. imagen

    Forget McDonalds! I’d prefer El Pollo Loco post cunnilingus!

  7. jd

    This is going to make the next movie really awkward.

  8. yeahhh

    rupert was obviously worth it

    if rob would have kept her satisfied, she wouldn’t have cheated

    i guess this is all robs fault for having no dick game

  9. Cock Dr

    Nice work clearing house (and garage).
    Please begin a sexual rampage through the many fans of either gender now clamoring for a shot at the deified sparkle cock.

  10. Shownuff

    I’m sure another beard will come along Rpattz. Keep your head up!

  11. Devilish Diva

    So we’re supposed to be believe this was a normal heterosexual couple not some made-up Hollywood p.r. bearding and possibly merkin relationship designed to further both their careers and the movie franchise?
    What I don’t get is how they can be so stupid and indiscreet as to get caught? And then they release public apologies? That’s not very smart.

    • She’s the one who busted herself, and by extension, him, first, but the big question is: what makes you think she’s smart in the first place? She strikes me as someone who enjoys being contrary when it comes doing the expected thing, who makes a point of not playing by the rules, and who thinks because she’s incredibly withholding in terms of any public emotion or reaction, everyone will be just amazed and incredibly grateful that she deigned to share anything.

      Unfortunately, she didn’t gauge what this “honesty” has generated in terms of public reaction – I think she’s severely overestimated how delighted everyone is with her in general, and her full disclosure in particular.

  12. El Jefe

    That is pretty gangster.

    I am pretty sure though Kristen would rather have had her car parked and In N Out though.

  13. JC

    He should have also put all of her bongs in a big pile on the sidewalk.

  14. Yeah, sure

    I could be wrong, but I’ve ALWAYS thought Rob was gay (both actually, maybe she’s bi). I don’t see him as being as “heartbroken” about this, like his pr team wants us to believe…Go find Tom, get another “gf” & have a nice life.

  15. Inner Retard

    I guess hell hath no fury like a suspiciously gay man scorned.

  16. EricLr

    I would say he tossed her career out too, but let’s face it, what career? It’s not like the clock wasn’t already ticking for her to go the way of those washed-up Harry Potter kids the second after that last Twilight movie is released.

    • El Jefe

      She is probably worth almost $100 million by now and Snow White and the Huntsman has made almost $400 million total so far. She is not going away any time soon. Sorry to burst your bubble.

      She is the highest paid actress in Hollywood, I would say her career is going fucking fantastic.

    • Cock Dr

      Um…I believe she’s one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood right now.

    • EricLr

      Yeah, so was Hayden Christianson when they were making the Star Wars prequels. So were the Harry Potter kids when they were making those movies.

      Heard from any of them lately?

      With or without this scandal, she was no more than a year or two away from starring exclusively in indie movies and bad TV pilots, and no more than 5 years away from “Whatever Happened To?” segments on E!

      • El Jefe

        In case you can’t seem to figure it out, unlike the ones you mentioned, she has successfully transitioned into another movie franchise proving she is bankable. I will say it one more time, Snow White and the Huntsman has made almost $400 million so far.

        Who are you to determine if she won’t continue to have a massive career? Your Harry Potter argument is ignorant also considering there was a movie up until last year. It is not like it has been 5 years since the last one and no one has worked.

      • Emma Watson's Vagina

        you got to be the biggest retard around to say that about the Harry potter kids.
        all of them are working in something. at least the major four child actors. and not including Rob Paterson who was in fourth Harry potter movie,

      • Archie Leach

        I dunno…. Natalie Portman seems to have come out fine from the Lucas’ “don’t care about no story or performances as long as it LOOKS purdy” prequel clusterfucks.

      • EricLr

        Natalie Portman, like Ewan McGregor and Samuel Jackson, had a significant resume BEFORE the Star Wars prequels. Stewart, like Christianson, is a one-franchise wonder.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Lindsay’s going to start shooting her the shank eye. :)

  17. Does anybody else find it suspicious that as soon as Tom Cruise become available, Pattinson gets a way out of his beard contract too?

  18. Dick Hell

    I may never watch a single minute of Robert Pattinson’s work but I now have some respect for the guy. The car towing was a beautiful touch.

  19. Low Ball

    Something’s Fishy about the car moving part of the story. The cars on the two pictures don’t match. Granted, I don’t place the same high standards on this site’s credibility as, say, the National Enquirer. But I expect some consistency in the quality of the sugar coated (and entertaining) BS we are gobbling up here. I have my standards. Now, pass the ketchup!

  20. Kristen Stewart Car Moved Onto Street
    tidbit
    Commented on this photo:

    Which is it? The chrome rims or the black ones?!?!?!

  21. tlmck

    Don’t worry Kristen, my entire life fits in that exact same model truck also.

  22. Kristen Stewart Car Moved Onto Street
    tidbit
    Commented on this photo:

    Which is it? The chrome rims or the black ones?!?!?! This is important stuff, people!

  23. SSHGuru

    I never understood why a guy who can tell a fan to take her clothes off and have her start doing it would stay with Stewart. Not only is she nasty ugly but she seems to walk around with an attitude she doesn’t deserve.

  24. Part of me is still operating under the assumption that their whole relationship was a sham in order to promote the Twilight films, and that this breakup was orchestrated to drum up more publicity (seriously, this story has been more reported than the Aurora shooting and the Olympics). Now that the films are essentially done with, they managed to get out of their fake relationship AND get the biggest story of the year in one fell swoop.

    Only two things lead me to believe this is not the case: 1) I doubt Rupert Sanders would have gone along with it (unless he was paid off), and 2) it would have been better marketing to do this closer to November…though perhaps they didn’t want to compete with election coverage…

    • Annie

      There’s a family and children involved. I don’t think anyone would like to be labeled as a slut homewrecker. This would be a very unnecessary stunt because the three Twilight kids are highest paid actors in Forbes. The coverage is ridiculous because 1) Twihards are still eating this up, 2) This was a sleazy scandal with proof no less! People eat that shit up.

      Publicity stunts are always positive: weddings, adoptions, engagements, donations to charity. They want attention but GOOD attention, these narcissists. This is just disgraceful.

      • It wouldn’t be the first time shocking things have been done for publicity. That aside, I was mostly being facetious. Though the fact that twihards (and scandal lovers in general) are eating this up just kinda proves that the concept is valid. Honestly, if it had been anyone other than a family man, I probably would be believing it was a stunt in earnest.

    • “(seriously, this story has been more reported than the Aurora shooting and the Olympics)”

      Only if your main source of news is The Superficial and other celebrity gossip sites. Seriously, dude, this place should not be your main source of national and world news.

  25. Annie

    LOL BYE BITCH.

    This must be a huge SIT DOWN for her though. Her obnoxious quotes in magazines, her smugness everywhere I’m-too-cool-for-this-shit attitude, her lack of respect towards Rob. Last time (and only time) she referred to him as “my fucking boyfriend.” and told him to “shut the fuck up” at Comic-Con. And then she begged publiclly and it didn’t work. Hah.

    Didn’t she also refer to haters as “shit eaters”? On Vanity Fair no less? And said something about her life sucking because she had everything? Wtf?

  26. TC

    Don’t worry, he’ll find another gf to beard for him soon enough.

  27. cc

    I didn’t care too much for this guy…until now. Now only if he’d taken her possessions to one of those charity bins.

  28. Parking her shit at the closest McDonalds is just pure class. The boy’s got a face like a kicked-in door, but at least he’s finally grown a nut. That’s right England, WE did that!!

  29. AteIsEnough

    Once a cheater, always a skanky pale non-good-looking no talent back seat pussy-getting-munched woman….ummm, cheater.

  30. GirlJones

    I’m glad Sparkles found his nuts. I think he is bisexual people, NBD. For some reason, I can’t imagine sex with the Stew would be very interesting. RPatz has yet to explore the action-adventure blockbuster paths that lay wide open for him, maybe he will make even more money and then retire to Transylvania. But yeah, when there are Barbies in your likeness and your face has appeared in every aisle of Target for the past three years, you’re not too worried about your career. I don’t buy the whole PR thing.

  31. Archie Leach

    The more the twigarbage fans be hating on Stewart, the more I find myself liking her!

  32. Tom Cruise's Magical Penis

    Wow. Even *I* could tell this whole romance was a PR set-up. And I’m attached to one of the most gullible men on the planet. Now if you’ll excuse me, my owner’s going to brush his hand up against me to take out his wallet and throw another million at L. Ron’s minions…ah, yeah, light and to the right, just how I likes it…

  33. Robert Pattinson House Moving Trucks
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    HAHAHHa this is so staged some paparazzi rented a UHAUL and parked it out front of their home…rich millionaires dont use UHUAL…this is staged 10000 percent.

  34. lovekristen

    I love Kristen Stewart!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kristen was an amazing actress before this twilight crap. Twilight ruined her.

    I hope she can get her awesome self back now that all that twilight and rob stuff is gone forever.

  35. Robert Pattinson House Moving Trucks
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are two completely different Minis. I love you superficial, but fail, you’ve brought me great dishonor.

  36. Kristen Stewart Car Moved Onto Street
    Seat Filler
    Commented on this photo:

    $1 Any Size Soft Drink at McD’s

  37. welldoneson

    Maybe I’m just crank today, but Kristen Stewart would appear on any short list I might care to make of “celebs I don’t give a shit about who keep making the news”.

  38. Joaquin ingles

    Poor Pattinson. Always trying, always falling flat on his face.

  39. McClownerton

    Hopefully the next headline will be “Ronald McDonald kicks Stewart out after finding Mayor McCheese hamburgling Stewart’s ketchup packet”.

  40. Kristen Stewart Car Moved Onto Street
    ashley greene
    Commented on this photo:

    this isn’t kristin stewart’s, unless she decided to pimp her car out after pimping herself out

  41. London

    you realise shit like this is staged to distract americans from other news, such as the middle east, y’might even have heard of it

    • Smapdi

      Yes but since there aren’t any likeable people there, we don’t care.

    • Wow. That’s really deep, and like, totally opened my eyes or whatever.

      Say… did you bring enough weed to solve some more problems?

    • GirlJones

      I say good London, I haven’t heard of this “Middle East”. Do tell me, the Assyrians are still winning right?

      Uhm, duh. No one thinks about the Middle East because it has basically been a clustereff since the beginning of recorded time. So Israel stuck Iran, wow, it’s summer time and it looks sunny outside today. Weird. I know this has implications but let’s face it… Kristen Stewart’s vagina has a greater impact on all of our immediate lives.

    • Assad's Rage

      Still killing each other . Body count creeps up by the hour . If there wasn’t oil around there the desert would have buried them already.
      We should give them more weapons so they can exterminate each other faster .

  42. Kristen Stewart Car Moved Onto Street
    Enron2LA
    Commented on this photo:

    any one else notice that aside from the ‘car being moved to the street’ seems to be 2 different mini coopers….neither are the matte black one she was photographed in from her recent rear-ending? wait….i meant accident but you get the point.

  43. assaasda

    I really wanted to always hate Robert more for looking like a pasty weirdo. But seriously, F that tramp.

    I hope she garbage dives for dinner. They could have hired any no talent hobag for those terrible movies.

    On behalf of all men everywhere who have been cheated on, Robert you are a panzy. You should have faked reconciliation, given her anal, and kicked her FAT white arse out.

  44. wharf rat

    She’s a lying skank, a slunt that claimed it was a brief encounter , then the truth comes out is has been months .
    No integrity . No honor . She has the moral compass of Lindsey Lohan. May they find comfort in each other’s lies

  45. Rsh

    I think that there is more to this story than it seems. I think that Robert is at faulty, not her.

  46. Robert Pattinson House Moving Trucks
    Jade
    Commented on this photo:

    Hell, they even admitted it was staged. It must be sad to be so obsessed with someone else’s life that they have to resort to this. Pathetic sods.

  47. Chuckus

    Well, he’s got the Justin Timberlake Free Pass to bang anyone and anything and have the adoring public (both male and female) applaud him for it. Well played sir.

  48. Robert Pattinson House Moving Trucks
    Hiroyuki
    Commented on this photo:

    that he only agreed to film Twilight besucae Kristen was in it. Dear Lord, you fell for that? Here we have an actor that is extremely selective in the roles he chooses (Little Ashes, Remember Me, etc.) where he can showcase his talents and you honestly believe that he chose to play Edward Cullen besucae he was crushing on a girl. Pleasssssseeeeee….do us a favor, before you open your big mouth and show the entire world who the real gullible person is…..think. Think real hard. (This one I truly loved besucae this person is so clueless and attempted to know what she was talking about and you know what they say about people who assume LOL!!. So she assumed that my source was some tabloid. But he actually said he wanted to do Twilight besucae he has a crush on Kristen on the Today Show LOL!! Uh, you know the Today Show on NBC? I attached the link from YouTube in my prior posting take a gander as I pat myself on my back for being right LOL!) Although, I would love for the Robsten theories to be a reality, there is simply not enough evidence right now for me to believe it……Keep the hope alive for that all important announcement from the couple themselves!!! (Keep holding your breath if Oprah can’t get it out of the on May 13th, they’ll never say LOL!!) About the “Rob took the TWL gig for KS” I think the real quote was that he got interested besucae she was in and he liked her as an actress. I think I heard him saying this once, but when he said that it was a completely professional comment, not a love manifest. (Uh, this person can watch the Today Show appearance back in Nov 2008 as well where he actually says it out of his own mouth that he has a crush on Kristen after he saw her in Into the Wild and wanted to do Twilight after he saw her in the movie LOL!)Again, the depression, the wanting the kill her, the denials of his feeling for her trying to blame a misquote from a tabloid when he’s said it out of his own mouth how he feels about her .I could go on but it’s just no fun making people look like fools.So, when you (the pot) tries to call the kettle (me) black by saying how mean and disrespectful I am, just read over your posts to see why I said what I said. The things being said about Kristen and in reference to her relationship to Robert is disrespectful to her. But I’m sure she accepts your apologies especially talking about killing her.

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