BREAKING: Robert Pattinson Drinking With A Woman Who’s Not Kristen Stewart. Edward, Nooooo!!!!!

December 5th, 2011 // 54 Comments

WARNING: If you think the Twilight books and/or movies are real, now would be a good time to turn your computer off and think about which lipstick you like the best instead. (Black. It’s black.)

Seen here shattering the very carefully crafted publicity machine that would have you believe he’s softly intercoursing Kristen Stewart in a sparkling bed strewn with rich, Mormon tapestries, Robert Pattinson is reportedly banging Disturbia star Sarah Roemer. And I say reportedly even though it’s scientific fact that every man who drinks with a woman ends up having sex with her sometime before or after vomiting in her shoes and saying her cat did it. The Daily Mail reports:

The 25-year-old actor attempted to keep his head down as he left the bar and made his way home in a car inside which Roemer was already waiting.
It’s claimed that Pattinson and Roemer had spent the evening with friends in the bar, before the group made their way to Soho House in West Hollywood.
The pair are then alleged to have left Soho House together in a car driven by Roemer.

AND THEN TOTALLY FUCKED,” is going to be The Daily Mail’s next sentence. Has to be:

The pictures of Pattinson and Roemer are likely to call his relationship with fellow Twilight star Stewart into doubt.

Okay, so they went with the even more obvious statement because apparently nobody could’ve deduced that one on their own. “Hey, there’s Robert Pattinson leaving a bar with another woman. I bet him and Kristen Stewart just got married!”

Photos: AKM Images

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  1. MarkM

    I’m surprised he grew a beard, especially after all the money the Twilight studios have been paying Kristen, and now this new chick, to BE his beard.

  2. slappy magoo

    I am firmly entrenched in the “Team Not-Retartded-Enough-To-Give-A-Fuck” camp

  3. MLVC

    I will gladly take Ms. Stewart now…she can deposit her steaming nuggets into my mouth.

  4. EricLr

    It’s heartbreaking to see a fake relationship end before the agreed-upon dissolution date arranged by both party’s agents. It’s such a disappointing world where young publicity doesn’t stand a chance anymore.

    • Alex

      My only solace is the Kris Jenner Creed that I repeat every morning before my cappuccino and butt exercises.

    • karlito

      i heard that he’s gay and she’s a lesbian and this is a fake relationship to help the movie sell tickets.

  5. Drew

    Well at the very least, she doesn’t look like a soulless, emotional trainwreck like Kristen Stewart does.

  6. Dan

    Saying pattinson dumped stewart implies that they were once together… stop progressing the fantasy Fish!

    I bet pattinson loses some money because he got caught.

  7. dontkillthemessenger

    I’m not getting as many women as this guy because I shower too much… you know, like daily.

    • Dan

      I have been thinking something like this lately too… whenever I have been in a good place in my life, women aren’t that attracted to me. When I am depressed about something or otherwise bent out of shape, I cannot keep them away from me. So usually what happens is I end up with a crazy chick who likes drama and once I have figured out myself, they start to manufacture drama over everything.

      How do I fix this?

      • slappy magoo

        Always act like something’s wrong. And if that fails, mail order.

      • Dan

        My mom told me the same thing…

      • reverse cowgirl instructor

        Dude – you are over-thinking women in general. They represent organic mass with various holes. Keep it simple – you will never solve their mind riddles. One false move with a psyco-chick and you are forced into the witness protection program into perpetuity.

        I’ll never get why these celeb snatch masters go for a middle of the road box lunch.

  8. Meanwhile, back at Camp Kardashian….

  9. Cock Dr

    Mr Fry Pan To The Face here just wants some company.
    When the girlfrind is off on a job a man doesn’t want to smoke weed all by his lonesome.

  10. Bitch

    Twi-tards mass suicide in 3…2…1…

    • Suss

      OMFG, why would you say such thing?! WTF?! Rising our hopes like this! Shame on you, missy. Twi-tard mass suicide is too good to be true. Like calorie-free nutella.

  11. Venom

    Maybe he is bringing the chick back home to Kristen…no one thought of that?

    And on a side note I must apologize to Mr. Pattinson. I saw the first couple of Twilight movies and assumed that he was just a horrible and shitty actor and then last week against my will I was forced to watch Water for Elephants and he is actually a great actor who was made to dumb down for that shit movie series. So Robert, I apologize. It is a crime that he was forced to act next to those two horrid dead weights Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner.

    • cris

      ridiculous

    • Vic

      Agreed. He’s actually decent but Twilight is a crappy movie series with some genuinely terrible actors, Lautner being the worst.

    • V

      Kristen is not bad in her other work either. Watch Welcome to the Rileys, Adventureland and Into the Wild.

      Remember Me with Rob is not a good movie, but he’s good in it. Check also Little Ashes. That’s a risky movie no guy his age would ever do.

      People need to stop taking Twilight so seriously. It’s a just a money making machine that established them as high paid actors. Nothing bad in that either.

  12. K, Fish, couple things:
    1.) What the hell is a Mormon tapestry? Whomp.
    2.) Methinks he hasn’t heard the “no touching anyone/thing that has been within 10 feet of Shia” rule. Those adorable, dumbass Brits!
    3.) Treat Pattinson with a little more respect. He died for Harry Potter, you motherfucking animal.

  13. …Also…not really a vampire. BOOM!

  14. V

    Not gonna lie, I like him. Can’t help it. He’s funny, he doesn’t take himself seriously, and he’s cool and I think he’s cute (and his paparazzi pictures where he’s not wearing unerwear reveal he hs a huuuuuuge dick). He’s not like the Shias and the Beibers, etc. He’s not a douche and he treats his fans nicely. Met him in person a couple of times and he’s extremely normal. Very grounded and easy to talk to. That’s was surprisingly awesome.

    That being said…

    Guuuuurl. Even **I** am willing to concede this dude is either cheating, or not in a relationship with Kristen at all.

    The sad thing is that 100% of Pattinson fans think he’s the perfect guy, and yeah, he has really cool qualities and not like most of the Hollywood dudes… yes. But he IS a man, and he’s not perfect. He’s a bit of a man-ho, like every man in the world, and he played the field a lot before Kristen. And when every woman is throwing herself at you, at 25, you’re not going to say no. Especially in his position of desired Hollywood star with tons of money. Please.

    Read his IMDB boards. Those women swear he’s the perfect man. Let’s chill out. He’s a young dude in Hollywood. We know what’s happened.

    • V

      lol long post. Sorry I’ve just been reading his fans’ reactions and they’re hilarious “Noooo he would never cheat! it’s for a movie! IT’S A BUSINESS MEETING!!”.

      He’s not Edward Cullen – HE FUCKS.

      • S

        I think you’re trying just as hard to make him sound like an average manwhore, despite what you’ve said about his decent character. Most Rob and Kristen fans know what went down before Kristen committed to him. no need to condescend. I’m sure he did screw Megan Fox, Nikki Reed and other women after Twilight wrapped and they went their separate ways until promos started. So what? He was single. But having followed Rob’s career and watched and read countless interviews, where he has denounced cheating more than once; not to mention knowing people close to Rob, I can guarantee this guy didn’t cheat. He used outrageously poor judgement IMO, if he cares at all about how this type of label could affect his career, not to mention the headache it has caused Kristen. I guess the Caitlin Cronenberg rumors this summer weren’t enough of a wake-up call, and I’m sure it was a walk in the park at the airport coming home for Kristen. It’s time accept Rob accepts he’s Robert Pattinson and lives in a sad world where people make assumptions about people with this level of fame, that his actions do affect other people, especially those closest to him. Sucks but what’s he going to do? Quit? Other than that enough with the cheating assertions. It’s absurd.

    • nope

      His IMdB board is not filled with his fans. It hasn’t been for a long time. His IMdB board should be renamed the Robsten board. It is for shippers, extreme Kristen fans and Twilight fanatics. Those who consider themselves to be his fan outside of the Twilight nonsense and PRsten would most definitely NOT be upset if he was banging this chick. In fact, they kind of like the idea, since it would take away from the beast that has eaten away at any opportunity he had for a respected career and replaced it with this silly Robsten mania. Of course, there are nuts in every bunch. Some probably think the guy’s still a virgin.

  15. What could she possibly see in a guy like hi…? Oh yeah, piles and piles of cash. Never mind.

  16. The Critical Crassness

    There is a great deal of difference between satire, sarcasm and outright lies…which is what you have done with this post, Fish. They didn’t try to hide because they were out with a group of people and never displayed any PDA or were never alone together. A little research beyond Hollywood Life or Perez Hilton would increase your accuracy in the things you post….of course with Lindsay Lohan keeping a low court ordered profile, Jessica Simpson admitting she is pregnant and Britney Spears actually acting her age, you have little to report,,,except the Kardashian trashy life style and made up shit….

    • D-chi

      lol, Lindsay and “court ordered” in the same sentence. Like one has to do with the other.

    • V

      See what I was talking about?! The crazy Pattinson fans already KNOW what happened and have a perfectly reasonable explanation. How do you know they were never alone together? All of you crazy fans need to stop acting like his managment or PR. You don’t know his life. You don’t know him. Y’all are all over gossip sites clearing shit up like you work for him. SIT DOWN.

      Plus it doesn’t matter who he fucks. He’s still not fucking YOU. Get a life.

  17. Lynn

    This was a wasted space post sorry.

    1. GASP! A dude can have girl friends outside of his currently relationship right? Sarah Roemer was in a short film with Kristen Stewart called Cutlass. Fact.

    2. There were 2 producers in the car. This could be a business meeting.

    3. He could be fucking her. I say 1 & 2.

    I just made a wasted space comment post. Yeah me!

    • V

      Another fucking crazy pattinson fan. You guys are terrifying, I swear to God. You all need professional help, or a friend, or a nice lay; you need a dude that fucks the obssesion away. You invest waaaay too much time on this dude making up explanations for him everywhere. Please remind yourself that you’re not 14 year old beliebers that will grow out of their teen obsessions. You’re a grown ass women. HE’S A MAN, HE FUCKS, HE’S IN HOLLYWOOD. DEAL WITH IT. He’s not Edward Cullen, your perfect man. You don’t know his life.
      There’s literally no other celebrity on Twitter whose activities are reported and retweeted more than this poor guy. Photos, fan photos, locations, sightings, the most irrelevant quotes and evn shitty fan videos. My God you’re all over 30 for fuck sake. Perhaps if you were not all stay at home moms you would find other shit more fascinating and stop fixating on a human being that you DON’T KNOW. And who would never fuck you.

      Turn off the goddamn computer and stop acting like this guy’s PR. All of you are embarrassing with your commenting on every gossip site like you know him or work for him. A person can’t even tweet about him without hoards of angry middleaged women “correcting” them.

      You’re all disgusting.

      • Alex

        +1
        They are all freaking insane! I’ve never even seen Kristen and Robert touch each other, I would be all over him like a freaking bug on a hot sunny picnic; is she frigid or something? I’m a sucker for romance so I love the story, BUT IT IS JUST A BOOK! (just a movie for the lazy ones who don’t read). I hope he’s banging that chick, I hope he’s banging everything that moves. Let him sharpen that pencil nicely before I get to him; I don’t like having to teach anyone anything.

  18. cc

    If he’s going to cheat, he should at least cheat with Ashley Greene. Fool.

  19. Robert Pattinson Sarah Roemer
    kristen
    Commented on this photo:

    you guys thats just an excuse to make a story,they are foling around,thats all.

  20. forrest gump

    what about calling the LA-TIMES?
    ………robert is drinking, folks.

    this just can’t be possible………….

  21. Nina

    Sarah’s got the body, Kristen’s got the face. It’s a toss up. I’ll take both.

  22. Dan

    So he went out with four friends. How is that cheating?

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