BREAKING: Robert Pattinson Drinking With A Woman Who’s Not Kristen Stewart. Edward, Nooooo!!!!!

WARNING: If you think the Twilight books and/or movies are real, now would be a good time to turn your computer off and think about which lipstick you like the best instead. (Black. It’s black.)

Seen here shattering the very carefully crafted publicity machine that would have you believe he’s softly intercoursing Kristen Stewart in a sparkling bed strewn with rich, Mormon tapestries, Robert Pattinson is reportedly banging Disturbia star Sarah Roemer. And I say reportedly even though it’s scientific fact that every man who drinks with a woman ends up having sex with her sometime before or after vomiting in her shoes and saying her cat did it. The Daily Mail reports:

The 25-year-old actor attempted to keep his head down as he left the bar and made his way home in a car inside which Roemer was already waiting.
It’s claimed that Pattinson and Roemer had spent the evening with friends in the bar, before the group made their way to Soho House in West Hollywood.
The pair are then alleged to have left Soho House together in a car driven by Roemer.

AND THEN TOTALLY FUCKED,” is going to be The Daily Mail’s next sentence. Has to be:

The pictures of Pattinson and Roemer are likely to call his relationship with fellow Twilight star Stewart into doubt.

Okay, so they went with the even more obvious statement because apparently nobody could’ve deduced that one on their own. “Hey, there’s Robert Pattinson leaving a bar with another woman. I bet him and Kristen Stewart just got married!”

Photos: AKM Images