You’ve Been Denied Edward’s Butt Crack, Twi-Hards. The Revolution Is NOW!

November 17th, 2011 // 70 Comments

Even though Robert Pattinson literally banged Kristen Stewart in front of the cast and crew of Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Or at least that’s how we read this.), apparently Twi-hards will not only be denied his sparkly thrusts thanks to the MPAA, but they’ll also miss out on his glittery b-hole. Or at least the shimmery crack leading to said b-hole. There’s no DAZZLE is what I’m trying to say here. Via Starpulse:

He told Ellen DeGeneres, “There was a bit too much butt crack I think. That was one thing I know they cut out…They just painted over it…You’re allowed to show cheek. You can’t show crack.”

Suddenly that whole Jerry Sandusky scandal doesn’t sound so bad does it? I’ll ready the vigil.

“Swing low, sweet sparklecrack,
Comin’ for to carry me home;
I looked over the Young Adult section,
And what did I see,
Comin’ for to carry me home,
A sparklin’ b-hole comin’ after me,
Comin’ for to carry me home…”

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Listen up!

    who cares

    • Marley

      I care! The only way I would see a Twilight movie is if there was a hardcore sex scene. I was really looking forward to this.

  2. Frank Burns

    Occupy Butt Crack? Pass.

  3. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Clearly two people that are still freaked out by their own fame.

  4. Archies_Leach

    If you actually watch any of the twilight “movies” the first thing that jumps out is that whatwith the framing, the scripts, the dialogue, and the level of the “acting” in the “movie” you instantly think/feel like you’re watching one of those shows on the CW network. In FACT, given the “quality” of the twilight “movies” they should be a series on the CW as oppposed to being on the big screen.

    But then again, if the producers of the twilight “movies” had done that they wouldn’t have snookered all those millions of gullible young females out of the billion dollars for something that should’ve been “free”.

    • Frank Burns

      Ha ha, you watched the Twilight movies

      • Archies_Leach

        Yup. Found the DVDs at the old vending kiosks at the the Quickie Mart and threw away 2 buck – plus tax – and rented the first two so I could watch them and find out what the big deal was.

        I FORCED myself to sit through the two and concluded I’d gotten what I was seeking and didn’t need to watch any more of the others. What I got from the twilight “movies” were:
        1) they are/were CLEARLY targetted to young(er)(ish) females and that insecure females that are insecure about the FACT they are watching the equivalent of harlequin romances will argue to hell that “twilight ‘movies’ are liked by all demographics”. Seriously that “all demographics” argument is made by the in denial delusional young female posters at imdb.
        2) the quality – or lack there of – of the twilight “movies” clearly shows they are nothing but CW network shows that were put on the big screen to separate young females from their hard earned cash……. or their parent’s hard earned cash.

      • anon

        Ok, man, I agree with you, but you’ve got to knock it off with those quotation marks.

  5. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously, this guy is attractive ?

    • chalupa

      Ummm….no he’s not. He’s like a cubist painting. All weird angles and shit. Just a clusterfuck of a face.

  6. I want an RATED X Version ha ha Well at least a Rated R for GROWN UPS!!!!

  7. Drew

    I’m starting to understand why people think Kristin Stewart always looks adorable.

    She just simply relates to the majority of the public. Mediocre.

  8. Carolyn

    Don’t understand his appeal. I don’t think he’s good looking and he always looks dirty. As for Taylor Lautner–just creepy looking with those squinty eyes and blindingly white teeth.

  9. Cartman

    I hate white people.

  10. dontkillthemessenger

    I saw Robert Pattinson on Jimmy Kimmel… he’s a weird guy who looks like he hasn’t showered in 3 weeks. No wonder all the girlies love him.

  11. mrsmass

    he is fuckable fo’ sho’.

  12. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently it DOES hurt her to smile.

  13. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That boy needs help.

  14. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Very pretty.

  15. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    No sneakers…..thank U.

  16. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Pattinson is not a good looking man. Bleah.
    Never underestimate the power of gooey gothic romance tales over (mostly) young women.

  17. Donald Trump

    I would eat that but crack like no one’s business!!!

  18. K

    I don’t get his appeal and I’m a 20 something girl which is the demographic that is supposed to find him hot. He’s not a bad looking guy, but he is just a bit strange looking in an almost Christopher Walken way. If you see the actual photos compared to the magazines, you can tell the airbrush the hell out of him. It seems like its all lights and angles and photoshop with him. Now Jon Hamm, Alexander Skarsgaard…that I understand. Stewart looks very pretty in these pics though.

  19. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    jealous
    Commented on this photo:

    Side boob she looks hot.

  20. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    jealous
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow she looks stunning here.

  21. jules

    Dude, you’re too funny

  22. Half the time Pattinson looks to me like somebody just hit him in the head with a shovel. Which makes me want to hit him in the head with a shovel. Some sort of sympathetic magic thing.

  23. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    MrsWrong
    Commented on this photo:

    This whole vampire-eternity idea is ridiculous. Why would a guy-ANY guy-who has witnessed 1+ marriages choose to be with someone eternally. And if True Blood taught me ANYTHING it is -Only hot people become vampires-…that leaves me with two conclusions…The Edward vampire has a masochist tendancy as well as Macular Degeneration. I’d pray for him, but he’s evil…and I don’t believe in Jesus

    • MrsWrong

      PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT-If you have a problem with BOTH of the things I just said you are going to HELL (Insert maniacal laugh here)

  24. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    chopsuey
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s really pretty, but there’s something about her that looks like she’s the world’s most boring fuck ever

  25. TomFrank

    Earlier this week, thanks to Fish and McBeef—which sounds like a particularly nasty fast-food sandwich, by the way—I learned that the Twilight series is steeped in Mormon something-or-other. So it occurs to me: under Mormon doctrines of polygamy, can’t Bella marry both the vampire *and* the werewolf? I mean, that’s how it works, right?

  26. forrest gump

    well, they have NO plans for tommorrow, folks!!

  27. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Chuchu
    Commented on this photo:

    Crossing that off my to do list…

  28. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    So Edward turns into a werewolf? Are they giving away how the whole thing ends?

  29. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “I said, ‘You have nicer boobs than that girl who just walked by in the slit dress.’ But then, I like ‘em small.”

  30. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    oh
    Commented on this photo:

    Still these dead eyes…

  31. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Ell
    Commented on this photo:

    When I see either of them.. -facepalm- -facepalm- -facepalm-

  32. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Well,Im a 33,Im married and Im a mother of 3..and I think he´s so freakin sexy! I LOVE “Edward” and his character in “water for elephants”…The romance,the respect,the way he´s over protective with his girls…Once you´re married,you learn to apreciate those things lol.

  33. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Keir
    Commented on this photo:

    Id be devastated if I was her-such big ears and such small boobs, murphys law.

  34. I bet I can fuck better in bed than this girl can! she does not have the boobs or the ass to have a guy’s mind blown :)

  35. chalupa

    I can’t get past Pattinson’s protruding block head or the fact that Taylor Lautner has an uncanny resemblance to an alpaca.

  36. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    awe they’re so cute

  37. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    DeucePickle,
    yes. yes he is

  38. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    hello beautiful

  39. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    hot

  40. Kristen Stewart Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    how can anyone not see how beautiful they are? Oh wait I know who; jealous people.

  41. Robet Pattinson UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    choosing a photo where is is making a very strange face to make your statement is so lame

  42. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    me!
    Commented on this photo:

    whatever just because she’s not a Hollywood cliche doesn’t mean she isn’t beautiful

  43. thespiral

    They’re contractually obligated to talk about the sex scene during every interview, and also to pretend they’re dating, to get their weirdo necrophiliac fans hot and bothered and ready to blow mountains of $$$$ on these shitty TV-quality movies. This is what all the incessant talk of thrusting and glittery buttcrack is for – nobody else gives a fuck, but their sexually repressed psycho housewife fans are getting wet and reaching for their wallets. The rest of us aren’t supposed to get it.

    Don’t hate the player, even if the player is a pasty English fuck who looks like he smells like unwashed vagina and rancid cat piss.

  44. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Keir
    Commented on this photo:

    Doesnt mean she is beautiful either-aha!

  45. Dan

    I hope these two are saving their money because I don’t see them doing many movies after this.

    Perhaps I am wrong?

  46. Andrea

    If you hate them so much then why are you here? Oh right, you’re JEALOUS. Seriously, if theres ever anything more wasteful than buying rotten french fries at some kind of unknown restaurant, it’s LOOKING AND EVEN COMMENTING AT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE. Rob and Kristen are just gonna be more good-looking, richer and more successful even if you waste your whole life spouting craps about them

  47. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    vgrly
    Commented on this photo:

    Best shot out of the bunch. Sexy.

  48. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    sadsadnews
    Commented on this photo:

    haha, welll now we all know just how beautiful her SOUL is… *sarcasm*

  49. Kristen Stewart UK Twilight Premiere
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Prepping for that coveted new Bugs Bunny role I see

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