Rob Schneider and David Hasselhoff have weak bodies

June 30th, 2006 // 55 Comments

Here’s a one-two punch featuring Rob Schneider and David Hasselhoff all in single post. It’s like a dream come true. Rob Schneider was taken to the hospital yesterday after collapsing on the set of his new movie due to a combination of food poisoning and heat exhaustion. And David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital to receive surgery after bumping his head on a chandelier while shaving in his hotel’s gym bathroom which sent shards of glass and chrome into his right arm, severing a tendon.

So there you have it. Two people you don’t care about were taken to the hospital yesterday but are doing just fine now. So you can stop your prayers and get back to whatever it is you do during the day. Which, if you’re anything like me, is taking dumps in your boss’s office.


  1. Fugurself

    People over 40 have nasty smelling nuts

  2. Fugurself

    Is it true that all women begin to stink between their legs after 40?

    If its true then Madona has a complete and self contained TUNA Factory up her pussy.

    And David Haselhoff and Rob Scneider have nuts that smells like goat cheese.

  3. Fugurself

    I bet they both got sick from the nasty aromas from their tired old nuts

  4. Is that a gay pride festival?

  5. jrzmommy

    How the fuck did he bang his head on a chandelier in a bathroom? And just how fucking hard did he hit the goddam thing?

  6. @ #5: Hasselhoff, in his true form, is 8’11″.

  7. theyareidiots

    A better question would be why in the hell is Rob Schneider still making movies?

    BTW, Hasselhoff was doing a double twist dismount off of Nowitski when he hit the chandelier. Don’t let that “shaving” excuse fool you.

  8. danielle

    #1 you are hillarious! who comes up with that?

  9. Cat

    Was he shaving while bouncing around on a pogo stick, or what?

  10. Dr.Rokter

    I thought after “Deuce Bigalow” Rob Schneider was selling himself to eccentric millionaires as “the greatest prey of all” in one of those loopy California Human-hunting safari packages.

  11. I never would have guessed that Rob Schneider was a puss.

  12. I still can’t believe David Hasselhoff is around anymore.

  13. tinyTy

    I find Rob Schneider strangely attractive. I would only admit that anonymously here. My husband and I were discussing who we found strangely attractive a while back, and his pick was Jill from Home Improvement. I’m not sure which one is a stranger pick.

  14. jane's eyre

    Chandeliers in the bathroom? Shitters made of gold? Toilet paper made of the skins of newborn babes?

    Where’s this hotel, I must visit it immediately.

  15. jane's eyre

    Damn you, Rob Schneider, I suppose this means my order from Cozi’s is going to be late.

  16. Errrika

    #13~ Me too!! Then again, I have horrid taste in men sometimes. I thought Jeremy Renner was shaggable as Dahmer. I’m such a sick fuck.

  17. VautrinsFolly

    David Hasselhoff….Sad..very sad.

  18. PaisleyMoon

    Dinkwad Hasslepuss. Who cares? Unless he bled to death, then it’s pahty time.

  19. bunnyhugger

    the hoff rocks! apparently he also boogies like hell while he’s shaving.
    that is one weird story.
    #1: best first post ever!

  20. Rimmer

    #1 Hey I bet that talking car from knightrider took him to hospital. It must have said: have your nasty smelling nuts chopped off Michael.

  21. bunnyhugger

    i just realized i said somebody “rocks” two separate times today.
    *sigh* since i’m old and boring, guess i’ll start drinking early.
    time flys when you’re having rum.
    yo-ho-ho, all!

  22. alaskanchicsickle

    I don’t know, my husbands nuts have a combined aroma of freshly mowed grass, tacos, and a hint of ginger…that’s good right?

  23. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    “David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital to receive surgery after bumping his head on a chandelier while shaving in his hotel’s gym bathroom which sent shards of glass and chrome into his right arm, severing a tendon.”

    I feel as though I have waited my whole life to read these words and now I have a sudden warm glow of satisfaction that I cannot explain… You just couldn’t make it up.

  24. Rimmer

    #22: given that information, your husband should be about 120 years old.

  25. herbiefrog

    #23 well spotted :))

  26. alaskanchicsickle

    @24 and that makes sense how? Just trying to follow your reasoning.

  27. Rimmer

    #26: i dunno. just entered all the info on

  28. Yoda a Green Schlong Has

    This is absolutely the gayest video ever made.

    The Germans’ affinity for Hasselhoff is like the French and Jerry Lewis. Someone needs to explain it to me, …

  29. Yoda a Green Schlong Has

    The second gayest video ever made.

    I’m in a sadistic mood. Enjoy the power ballad, in german.

  30. Yoda a Green Schlong Has

    En francais, pour le lametard ( et le google ), …

  31. WorldWideWendy

    David Hasselhoff’s wife got his nuts in the settlement.The talking car had his dignity, the red speedo’s ate his arse. All the man has left is the hair on his back and one tendon in his left arm, and that chandelier has fucked that up for him too.
    Why does god hate David?
    Is it because he panders to the closet nazi’s still living in Germany, teaching them nationalistic anthems of the future?
    I think so, you can run, Knight Rider- but you can’t hide.

  32. WorldWideWendy

    Oh, and I thought Rob Schneider was dead.

  33. jFp

    #2 I try to stay away from old snatch but I imagine it has a bad odor since there is a foul thing called grandma’s breath.

    #13 jill does it for me too. I bet she likes having sex in crazy places like planes and elevators and hotel balcony’s and movie theaters…etc…oops..I’m getting wood.

  34. WorldWideWendy

    Right arm- sorry , a shark at the beach (Pammy Anderson deep) throated the left one- you know what I meant.

  35. tinyTy

    Jill, that bitch!

  36. Fugurself

    #20 I am surprised the car didn’t toss his stinking ass onto the road. That must be a very kind car.

  37. Man that’s a terrible cover for a suicide attempt.

    “Hey, 911? Yeeaaahh. I was like gardening? Right? And then I had these shears, OK?” For God’s sake man, just admit it. You’ll be a huge hit and spend the rest of your life on Oprah.

  38. WorldWideWendy

    OK- i ahve just looked at the youtube links posted by yoda’s penis inspector- and am dying a THOUSAND deaths for David Hasselhoff right now. Like a MILLION.
    I am blushing so badly on his behalf, I have broken out in a rash.
    He has a great voice- and he is a handsome enough guy. And he is entitled to make a buck- BUT FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!
    Forget what I said about the talking car taking his dignity.
    The man is a FUCKING freak.
    That was THE most embarrassing thing I have seen since Tom ( I love cock) Cruises dance moves on that podium- which I STILL take medication for.
    Oh Dear God. The humanity.

  39. chrysalis

    #5 he was in England, remember – everything’s incredibly small there.

  40. jjp1974

    I think there is something of a contest as to who loves cock the most between DH & TC. It all got rather heated and hence the dipshit had an ‘accident’.

  41. ffordegroupie

    Bet it was suicide attempt, and they are trying to cover it up (when do celebs ever admit to unsuccessful suicide attempts?). Chandelier? What kind of a men’s GYM BATHROOM has a chandelier?

    I want to see a celebrity smackdown between Cruise and Hasselhoff. The only downside is, there would be no one to cheer for.

  42. Yoda a Green Schlong Has

    I think something was lost in the translation of this story from its original german. As I own a German Shepherd Dog, and speak to him in german, I feel highly qualified to correct these errors.

    “And David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital to receive surgery after humping his assistant hanging from a chandelier while shaving his back in his hotel’s gay bath house which sent shards of glass and cum into his rectum, severing a sphincter.”

  43. WorldWideWendy

    Thankyou Yoda penis person. I am back at work this morning , early on a sunday, and I needed a laugh, and a bowel movement.
    That did the trick. That REALLY is the VERY lamest ( is that a word?) thing I have ever seen in my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE.
    My inside sqweeze up, and I have to rush to the toilet everytime I even THINK about Cock Loving Space Man Tom doing that.
    Why didn’t he just shit on his hands, and show us what he’d had for lunch?
    “look, see here’s the corn, it doesn’t digest so well, and this is the bit of string I accidently swallowed, and this is part of the probe my puppet masters inserted yesterday.Gather round,I’ll show you how I can put it right back up there”

  44. FecalPellets

    I liked the Hoff better when he fought crime with his Mr. Feeny car.

  45. konakazi

    Why the fuck is there a chandelier in the bathroom at the gym?

    Gayest. Gym. Ever.

  46. Capt.Hero


  47. WorldWideWendy

    Turns out it WASN’T a chandelier after all, but a huge revolving disco glitter ball, and David DIDN’T cut open a tendon, but tore his sphinter muscle when he tried to insert it up his arse, but his publicist thought the ‘chandelier in the bathroom’ story sounded more masculine.
    And by publicist I mean ‘special man bag carrying personal assistant’.

  48. TaiTai

    Hey ya Wendy, we are in the same time zone. I am across the strait where the following concerts are scheduled this summer: Paul Anka, Richard Clayderman and Engelbert Humperdinck. I was in HK recently and saw Connie Francis had a big show there. What is the deal with that? I think the US exports all its old has-been entertainers overseas where they are gobbled up like … um … rice?

  49. David Hasselhoff maybe one of the most annoying people alive

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