Rob “Blob” Kardashian Is Hands-Down The Dumbest Kardashian
Wednesday morning Rob Kardashian took to Instagram to publicly call out his childbearing stripper girlfriend, Blac Chyna. A few weeks back they had ‘rekindled’ their relationship because Chyna was out of money and Rob was hungry so they had donuts and some makeup sex. Nobody really cared. Now the brokest Kardashian might be in the running for another coveted Kardashian superlative… dumbest.
The exact timeline of events is a little hazy as Rob writes like a middle school bully who just got called out for being an asshole, but here are the bullet points.
-Rob apparently spends hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy her superfluous shit like cases of rosé, foreign sports cars with automatic transmission, jewelry, cocaine, ecstasy, molly, and beds for her to have sex with other men in.
-Chyna tells these other men to hit Rob up if they need some extra cash and they do.
-Rob obliges because he’s a spoiled manbaby with bad social skills.
-The inevitable crossing of dicks into Chyna’s vagyna happened and Rob is now acting like a 14-year-old boy who just got dumped for being too clingy.
And this the dude that posted a pic in the same bed Chyna and I made our baby in. The house that I pay for. That robe i prob paid for. Imma send u messages from this dude asking to link with me or he gonna expose Chyna if I don’t help him get money cuz he can’t handle the bills to take care of Chyna. Lol. I pay lambo. Ferrari. Down payment on the rolls. Downpayment on your moms car. I pay your mother since u won’t even call your own mother back in months. I prob spent a million alone in the past 2 months. 90K necklaces. 70K watch. The Ferrari that u pretend u got yourself. Chyna I hope U find help and to this corn ball , u thirsty as fuck for hitting me and begging to link with me and if I don’t help u get money then u gonna expose Chyna. Bro go back to your son who is at home instead u out here fucking someone that everyone fucks including me. Lol. Clown. She everybody’s and it’s been that way. The disrespect in the bed that my baby daughter lays in. Chyna u literally lost on this one.
A post shared by ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) on
More followed as Rob switched to the emoji-laden “screenshot notepad” approach (because he’s an adult) and I’d rather just spare you the bulk copy and paraphrase the 9 images of text…
“Hello world, I’m Rob. I impregnated a stripper and she keeps playing me for my money and nominal fame. I don’t have real friends because I have the emotional capacity of a rock, so thanks for being my sounding board on this. Oh, I gotta go- mother needs her hair brushed. TTYL!”
Speaking of brushing mother’s hair…