Rivers Cuomo wastes stardom

tn_rivers_cuomo1_cr.jpgThe only thing more infuriating to me than an arrogant celebrity is an arrogant celebrity who won’t do what’s expected of him. For more than two years, Rivers Cuomo (the lead singer for Weezer) has refused to use his star power to bang the bejeezus out of every emo groupie he sees, not because he looks like the guy who ate his boogers in physics class, but because he’s trying to prove some cruel point to men across the globe.

“Abstinence doesn’t require as much self-discipline anymore,” he says. “We never had any serious groupies, anyway. Our generation got screwed.”

I can go a long time without sex too. But instead of practicing the self-discipline Mr. Cuomo speaks so highly of, I rely on a stunningly accurate combo of being fat, pasty and anti-social. Rivers, you will never reach my level of asexuality so I suggest you cease and desist your pursuits immediately. I hear Jessica Simpson’s available.