Rihanna & Chris Brown sex tape rumor: That only took 4-5 weeks

March 19th, 2009 // 64 Comments

Because nothing goes better with a domestic violence story than a sex tape rumor, Star is reporting/ that Rihanna and Chris Brown made some “home movies” that she’s worried about being leaked to the media now that they’re on a break:

We report that Rihanna allowed Chris to record some of their, um, intimate moments and — she worries that the racy tapes could ruin her — especially after seeing how quickly Chris turned on her once before.
“Rihanna has no issues with her sexuality,” a source tells Star. “But she’d be mortified if her friends and family found this out!”
Insiders say Rihanna is still emotionally fragile and vulnerable since the Feb. 8 assault that left her nearly unconscious.

You know what this story is missing? Bat-boy. Maybe I’m just a sucker for good, old-fashioned journalism, but where was he the night of February 8? The shocking truth and more after I smoke all this weed because I’m pretty sure that’s how Star does it.


  1. Smarg

    Third, bitchez. Anyone who posts after me sucks Richard’s dick.

  2. Erica

    Are you talking about SPACE BAT?

  3. Jeezy

    Smarg is gay or fat…

  4. I apologize for offensive comments on this website, but I am not to blame.

  5. Rich Ports Ghost

    Don’t worry, when that tape comes out Obama will put a nice Tax on it, so we can all get some.

  6. nichole

    She looks so sad in these new pictures.. just an observation.. I still feel bad for her.

  7. GuyHolly

    #5– troll!!!!!!!!!!!11111

  8. Zanna

    Chris Brown is going to make sure he “hits that” on every conceivable level.

  9. Mr. Jones

    She’s trying to get the tape out before he does, but he will beat her to the punch.

  10. Tom K

    If I wanted to see two chimps mate I would watch Animal Planet. I’ll pass on this sex tape.

  11. Anonymous

    Clearly this chick has no brain.

  12. Hey Guy, be nice to #5, his former Airborne unit won’t take him back (you know, because of the whole “don’t ask don’t tell”) and his Black boyfriend is sick of boinking him, remarking that it’s akin to throwing a pickle down a hallway, or stirring a large mug of coffee with a pube.

  13. GuyHolly

    It’s the only way Chris Brown will ever make money.

  14. amanda

    BAT BOY of weekly world new fame!!!
    best. newspaper. ever.

  15. #10 – Not enough underage kids for your liking?

  16. 20 PIECE

    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe
    Crack Heads on the crack pipe – Crack Heads on the crack pipe

  17. Zanna

    Guy!!! I think it’s time for me to wake up our friend, don’t you?


  18. This chick is way too hot for Chris Brown…But not being aware shes hot makes her hot,,,does that make sense…

  19. Holly

    I bet his junk odor = rotten bleu cheese + dog anal gland excretion.

  20. bitch

    Smart ur a bitch hey u know I fucked

  21. Well, at least this couple is more interesting than Tom “Spanx” Cruise.

  22. Zanna


  23. Jim

    What the f|_|ck is wrong with these hoes. They date men for the most shallow and superficial reasons. I have lost all sensitivity to a whore who f|_|cks on film with monkeys who beat them. This c|_|nt has enough brains to make a million dollars but not enough to pick a better boyfriend?! Retards.

  24. GuyHolly

    Zanna– DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!

    #21== faeg!!!!!!!!!! Here’s your wet wipe. *moons Dragulf*

  25. HI Zanna. *sniffs* It smells like peppermint Schnops in here…

  26. Guy, you flaming faeg, go hump a dry wall.

  27. Dr. Gonja

    I love .6 bitches

  28. Apes in the White House

    National Geographic might be interested in a tape of these two North American Street Apes mating.

  29. Jane Goodall

    If there is a mating tape of these two primates, I’m sure it was made by accident. The North American Street Ape has no understanding of technology, and would be incapable of filming themselves in a mating ritual. Although they may have accidentally turned on a video recorder by slapping the side of it while investigating the foreign object that they couldn’t possibly comprehend. Most tapings of Street Ape mating show the same ritual, usually starting with grooming, removing ticks and other insects from their fur, and then the sex act itself, usually consisting of the male rapping the side of the females head until she is unconcious and loud shrieking and growling, sometimes the flinging of fesces is involved. If the mating was succesful and the female of the species is impregnated, the male abandons the female, never to be seen again.

  30. Rhialto


  31. Rhialto

    Another publicity stunt! *Sigh*

  32. Darth

    Who’s interested in two humping monkeys!? You’ll have probably more fun at the local zoo!

  33. Sauron

    Who’s interested in another LAME sextape!?

  34. Gando

    Don’t tell me! Is Chris Brown going to use his fists in this sextape!?

  35. GuyHolly

    Apes, you sound like the product of too much inbreeding. Do the world a favor and have a Darwin accident before you reproduce.

  36. KG

    She: Dumber than a box of rocks, and no singing talent, but good looking.
    Him: Perhaps some musical talent, but no respect for women.

    If they both disappeared from the face of the earth, I wouldn’t consider it a huge loss.

    I wonder if the sex tape will be any better than the hideous ones from Paris and the like.

  37. Still White on the Outside

    Is this some liberal pity party? If all of you assholes know each other, go get a room you monkey loving Democrats.

    In other news, my ass has been trained more than the tracks used by Conrail………….

  38. Apes in my White Ass

    Good point 37.

    No, I mean that you’ve been trained……. I’ve been ridden harder than a Kawasaki in a field of boulders.

  39. Richport's Ghost

    My black boyfriend is


    Hey put that thing away before you hurt someone!!! Now go make me a cockmeat sandwich, Sambo!

    anyway, as I was saying, I’m stirring pickles with a cockmeat sandwich coffeemug pube, and gurgle snorf bleep tossed salad darkmeat kingle yugg kifter mongle mmmmm i loves me the black cock, hey chris brown call me! florf ack trintrin ruggulah snapty

    I’m an educated black man with a harvard PhD. all you lowlife scumbuckets who make fun of my RichPort’s Ghost race-baiting bile are subhuman parasite boot-licking trolls.

    Anyone seen my meds?


  40. Still White on the Outside

    Screw you Apes……….

    I’ve had more screws by smelly hairy men than all of Home Depot………….

  41. Rich Ports Ghost

    Question: Why haven’t I ever served in any military service?

    A: I’m a fat ass who can’t pass the measly pushup/situp requirement.
    B: I’m a coward
    C: I’m Gay and I don’t approve of how us darn gay’s are treated
    D: I’m an independent voter, which is way better than a regular voter because I haven’t even made up my mind about what I support or don’t support. I just wait for the brilliant candidates to debate, then I decide.
    E: That darn ASVAB was HARD!
    F: My degree from that college in the same building as SUBWAY is much more funner and valuabler.
    G: I don’t know the difference between Irony and Sarcasm.
    H: My meemaw and peepaw were sister-cousins
    I: My loads of street cred and enormous rap sheet stopped me.
    J: I wrote my congressman to get Body Armor for troops yet I go on and on about how they are wussies and they should stop crying about going to Iraq 2x. Wow! I am either a big fat hypocrite or a liar or I have a secret crush on them.
    K: I hate America, Why would I put my life on the line for it?
    L: Pretty much all of the above.

  42. Jane Goodall

    I’m confident that 39 just 69′d a baboon and has high definition photos to prove it. It is the nature of the thread troll to spew insipid idiocy in the guise of structured and thoughtful argument. Certainly a lack of ability to properly analyze data independently and instead relying on regurgitated factoids is the primary trait of the race baiting thread troll. That and latent tendencies for same sex activities.

  43. GuyHolly

    Troll bait. It’s what’s for diner.

  44. Jane Goodall

    Perhaps 41′s argument would be more believable if it wasn’t already known that letting naked men jump on your bare ass is not nearly the same as being “airborne”.

  45. Wow… I must have REALLY hit a nerve with Still White. What a fucking pussy. I’m still waiting for him to say ANYTHING funny.

  46. GuyHolly

    Rich– he’s never said anything funny in the what………….2-3 years I’ve been here. Pathetic yes. Funny no.

  47. liz4sale

    honestly ppl should stop talking about the rihanna – chris brown saga anymore. its obvious that the general public cares more than they do. or theyre doing a good job of hiding it. either way its getting old.

  48. @ 10 you can video tape you and your simian wife at home, and that’ll be even better.

    No cable or satelite required.

  49. CallingYouOnIt

    Or maybe he didn’t serve in the military because

    A. He has a high-paying job that doesn’t require manual labor
    B. He doesn’t need to kill civilians to feel like a man (from 2003 up to Feb 09, Iraqi civilians killed: 99,508)
    C. He likes to actually be in the same country with his wife & child
    D. He votes regularly AND independently. (Psst -They aren’t exclusive)
    E. The ASVAB gave him flashbacks of the first grade
    F. He has a post-HS education where, btw, he learned that “valuabler” isn’t actually English.
    G. He saw in the thesaurus that the first synonym of “irony” is “sarcasm” and vice-versa.
    H. At least HE actually knows who his meemaw and peepaw ARE
    I. He knows that the army and marines nearly doubled their recruitment of convicted felons between 06-07 and it’s still increasing annually so a ‘rap sheet’ is apparently exactly what they’re looking for.
    J. He has a real job and better things to do than obsess on what other people are doing with their lives, military or not.
    K. He doesn’t need to use false nationalism (the way the Nazis did) to justify his choices.
    L. Any of the above

  50. francesca

    o how original the ape comparisons!
    you people seeking attention, feel better now?

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