Rihanna Wants To Help Katy Perry Find A New Man. Oh, Good.

If Rihanna’s head wasn’t fortified from years of Barbadian rum and butt sex, her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown would’ve caved it in the night he savagely beat her and left her for dead which she’s since forgiven him for. So clearly she’s the best person to help Katy Perry find a new boyfriend. I’m amazed they didn’t think of this sooner. Hollywood Life reports:

“Katy has been very upset about the divorce,” a source tells us. “She never expected it to end and now she’s dealing with the aftermath. But her friends are telling her to get back out there and date. They don’t want her to waste time being upset over Russell.”

“Rihanna wants to help Katy in any way she can,” an insider says. “She is telling her that she’ll start setting her up too!”

While that train wreck sets a course for, “Bitch, You Gonna Die” Junction, I probably don’t even have to tell you this, but Russell Brand hasn’t wasted anytime fucking everyone in his path and getting into car crashes with them. Starting with a chick he met in his yoga class, and by starting I mean she’s #37. Via RadarOnline:

The British funnyman also apparently got into a minor fender bender with a young man as evident from some scratches on his car.
Brand — and his new gal pal, Mexican-born artist Oriela Medellin Amieiro — were spotted shopping at West Hollywood’s Crystalarium on Sunday.
The Get Him To The Greek star, 36, reportedly met his new lady love, 25, attending Yoga classes in Los Angeles. She was seen leaving his Beverly Hills pad following an overnight visit last week.

Anyone see that James Spader movie where people get into car crashes just so they can bang in the wreckage? Because Russell Brand apparently did. “We knew this day would come, wheelchair. Chin up.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN