Rihanna Wants To Help Katy Perry Find A New Man. Oh, Good.

February 27th, 2012 // 60 Comments
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If Rihanna‘s head wasn’t fortified from years of Barbadian rum and butt sex, her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown would’ve caved it in the night he savagely beat her and left her for dead which she’s since forgiven him for. So clearly she’s the best person to help Katy Perry find a new boyfriend. I’m amazed they didn’t think of this sooner. Hollywood Life reports:

“Katy has been very upset about the divorce,” a source tells us. “She never expected it to end and now she’s dealing with the aftermath. But her friends are telling her to get back out there and date. They don’t want her to waste time being upset over Russell.”

“Rihanna wants to help Katy in any way she can,” an insider says. “She is telling her that she’ll start setting her up too!”

While that train wreck sets a course for, “Bitch, You Gonna Die” Junction, I probably don’t even have to tell you this, but Russell Brand hasn’t wasted anytime fucking everyone in his path and getting into car crashes with them. Starting with a chick he met in his yoga class, and by starting I mean she’s #37. Via RadarOnline:

The British funnyman also apparently got into a minor fender bender with a young man as evident from some scratches on his car.
Brand — and his new gal pal, Mexican-born artist Oriela Medellin Amieiro — were spotted shopping at West Hollywood’s Crystalarium on Sunday.
The Get Him To The Greek star, 36, reportedly met his new lady love, 25, attending Yoga classes in Los Angeles. She was seen leaving his Beverly Hills pad following an overnight visit last week.

Anyone see that James Spader movie where people get into car crashes just so they can bang in the wreckage? Because Russell Brand apparently did. “We knew this day would come, wheelchair. Chin up.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. Clarence Beeks

    Rhianna has great taste. I am sure she will find a fantastic guy for Katy. *rolls eyes*

  2. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Commented on this photo:

    So Fran Drescher WASN’T lying about meeting aliens!

  3. Black Snake Moan

    She looked like she wanted to bang Katy herself in recent pics.

  4. Motobo Kineetu

    Jay Z’s child is white.

  5. Hand Solo

    I hear Chris Brown is available.

  6. El Jefe

    So with Rihanna running back to Chris Brown and her hooking Katy Perry up with someone equally as fucked up, there is a chance that both she and Katy Perry might get killed or if we are lucky a full on murder-suicide getting rid of Chris Brown also? I am all for this.

  7. Frosty Tip

    I didn’t know Katy Perry had AIDS.

  8. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Gay Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG! She looks fabulous!

  9. JC

    Rihanna: “Gurl, I’m gonna find you a guy that’ll beat the blue right off your head.”

  10. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t tell which is less thrilled to be having a picture taken with the other.

  11. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    karlito
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like Cloris is about ready to kiss her boobs. nothing wrong with kissing smerf boobs.

  12. cc

    Does the desire to pound her mercilessly from behind while shouting ‘baby you are a fireworks’ narrow the list down to me?

  13. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Beefy arms there Fran.
    How much do you bench?

  14. “Rihanna, I really appreciate your help filling out my dating profile, but I don’t think I should put ‘can really take a punch’ in the ‘My Best Qualities’ section.”

  15. Schmidtler

    Should it be such a big deal for either of them to find some guy willing to bang them – I mean, it’s not like they have high standards or something.

  16. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Chloris had a big pair of knockers back in her day…..the 1970′s to be exact….Now they have to be rolled up like a flag at the end of the day……

  17. Frank Burns

    Rihanna’s match-making hits a bump when she finds out Ike Turner died five years ago.

  18. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Why wasn’t Betty White available for this photo op?
    Oh, she was in the bathroon re-taping her Depends……

  19. Vinny Gambini

    Let me think… I could use a good ass-kickin’, I’ll be very honest with you… nah, I think I’ll just go with the two hundred.

  20. Letting Rhianna find you a man is like allowing Paula Dean to be your personal chef or Gary Giordano take you on a diving excursion.

  21. “She never expected it to end…”

    So that brings the number of people who didn’t see this divorce coming to 1.

  22. j/k

    So Rihanna wants to find Katy a man, black and blue does look good on her.

  23. Haven’t we seen Russell Brand get into a car accident before? Oh yeah… http://www.thesuperficial.com/photos/the-crap-we-missed-tuesday-7-26-11/0726-the-crap-we-missed-01

    I think you’re right about the Crash fetish and/or this is how Russell Brand picks up women.

  24. busterport

    Shit, somebody might think that the superficial moonlights as rihanna’s ass or Chris brown’s knucks *zing!* as bitchly as you’re being about it.

  25. dontkillthemessenger

    West Hollywood Crystalarium?

    You can buy meth in the best places in Cali.

  26. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Two pop music queens and Chloris Leachman.

  27. hurr?

    “While that train wreck sets a course for, “Bitch, You Gonna Die” Junction”—oh my gosh, i laughed so hard. i’m not sure why i found that as hilarious as i did, but jesus christ, was that a beautiful turn of phrase.

  28. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Commented on this photo:

    “I kissed a bear and I liked it!”

  29. forrest

    pssssssst: SHE WILL REFUSE A N*GGER.

  30. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Jon
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s nice to see Katy trying to win Russell back with an offer to be more adventurous.

  31. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Bliss
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s given love and inspiration to so many people I hope it all finds a way to come back to her.

  32. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Smile Back
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn she’s fine!

  33. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    What men want
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s dreamy

  34. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    The Last Hurrah
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Elton, cut an Album with her before you retire, and do a proper job of it.

  35. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Lafanda
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s interesting about Katy Perry is that her fans don’t blog about her as much as other famous fans do. In contrast the girls that listen to 50 cent and Kanye West always comment negatively about Katy on sites like this.

  36. dee cee

    Is Mike Tyson still married to Dr. Lakiha Spicer?

  37. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    Mikael Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Just cool it with the hair, and show us the jugs missy

  38. Katy Perry Cleavage Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party
    claire
    Commented on this photo:

    The people who write these articles sound so ignorant and biased

  39. AteIsEnough

    I hope Kat likes tennis players. At least that’s what I assume Rihanna was talking about when she said all the men she knows have good “back-hands”.

  40. Herman Bumfudle

    lol! cute!

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