If Rihanna‘s head wasn’t fortified from years of Barbadian rum and butt sex, her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown would’ve caved it in the night he savagely beat her and left her for dead which she’s since forgiven him for. So clearly she’s the best person to help Katy Perry find a new boyfriend. I’m amazed they didn’t think of this sooner. Hollywood Life reports:
“Katy has been very upset about the divorce,” a source tells us. “She never expected it to end and now she’s dealing with the aftermath. But her friends are telling her to get back out there and date. They don’t want her to waste time being upset over Russell.”
…
“Rihanna wants to help Katy in any way she can,” an insider says. “She is telling her that she’ll start setting her up too!”
While that train wreck sets a course for, “Bitch, You Gonna Die” Junction, I probably don’t even have to tell you this, but Russell Brand hasn’t wasted anytime fucking everyone in his path and getting into car crashes with them. Starting with a chick he met in his yoga class, and by starting I mean she’s #37. Via RadarOnline:
The British funnyman also apparently got into a minor fender bender with a young man as evident from some scratches on his car.
Brand — and his new gal pal, Mexican-born artist Oriela Medellin Amieiro — were spotted shopping at West Hollywood’s Crystalarium on Sunday.
The Get Him To The Greek star, 36, reportedly met his new lady love, 25, attending Yoga classes in Los Angeles. She was seen leaving his Beverly Hills pad following an overnight visit last week.
Anyone see that James Spader movie where people get into car crashes just so they can bang in the wreckage? Because Russell Brand apparently did. “We knew this day would come, wheelchair. Chin up.”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN
Rhianna has great taste. I am sure she will find a fantastic guy for Katy. *rolls eyes*
So Fran Drescher WASN’T lying about meeting aliens!
She looked like she wanted to bang Katy herself in recent pics.
Jay Z’s child is white.
I hear Chris Brown is available.
So with Rihanna running back to Chris Brown and her hooking Katy Perry up with someone equally as fucked up, there is a chance that both she and Katy Perry might get killed or if we are lucky a full on murder-suicide getting rid of Chris Brown also? I am all for this.
ditto
I didn’t know Katy Perry had AIDS.
OMG! She looks fabulous!
Rihanna: “Gurl, I’m gonna find you a guy that’ll beat the blue right off your head.”
There’s always that vegan bassist from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. “He punched the highlights out of her hair!”
hehehe!
More like give her a matching face for the blue hair
I can’t tell which is less thrilled to be having a picture taken with the other.
Actually that’s the happiest I’ve seen Dita in a while.
looks like Cloris is about ready to kiss her boobs. nothing wrong with kissing smerf boobs.
Does the desire to pound her mercilessly from behind while shouting ‘baby you are a fireworks’ narrow the list down to me?
Only if the fireworks go off too early.
Her satisfaction, or lack thereof, is not my concern.
Beefy arms there Fran.
How much do you bench?
“Rihanna, I really appreciate your help filling out my dating profile, but I don’t think I should put ‘can really take a punch’ in the ‘My Best Qualities’ section.”
Should it be such a big deal for either of them to find some guy willing to bang them – I mean, it’s not like they have high standards or something.
I’d say “don’t say ‘bang’ when it comes to Rihanna,” but apparently, that’s no longer a sensitive issue for her.
Chloris had a big pair of knockers back in her day…..the 1970′s to be exact….Now they have to be rolled up like a flag at the end of the day……
Are you thinking of Nurse Diesel’s torpedo tits in High Anxiety? I’m not sure that qualifies.
Rihanna’s match-making hits a bump when she finds out Ike Turner died five years ago.
Awesome
hehe good one
+1
Why wasn’t Betty White available for this photo op?
Oh, she was in the bathroon re-taping her Depends……
Let me think… I could use a good ass-kickin’, I’ll be very honest with you… nah, I think I’ll just go with the two hundred.
That’s what we lawyers–I’m a lawyer–call a counta-offa… I heart you Vinny Gambini!
Letting Rhianna find you a man is like allowing Paula Dean to be your personal chef or Gary Giordano take you on a diving excursion.
“She never expected it to end…”
So that brings the number of people who didn’t see this divorce coming to 1.
So Rihanna wants to find Katy a man, black and blue does look good on her.
Haven’t we seen Russell Brand get into a car accident before? Oh yeah… http://www.thesuperficial.com/photos/the-crap-we-missed-tuesday-7-26-11/0726-the-crap-we-missed-01
I think you’re right about the Crash fetish and/or this is how Russell Brand picks up women.
Shit, somebody might think that the superficial moonlights as rihanna’s ass or Chris brown’s knucks *zing!* as bitchly as you’re being about it.
West Hollywood Crystalarium?
You can buy meth in the best places in Cali.
Two pop music queens and Chloris Leachman.
Ugh. Someone can do better with that premise I’m sure . . . JC, Iveski, McFeely, cc, Cock Dr., TomFrank, anyone out there who can do a good joke fix?
“Absolutely, Dr. Ruth. I *will* give you a call if I have a problem like that. Which, yeah, that’s going to happen.”
Shit. There was supposed to be an “again” in there. Well, you get the idea.
Also, why am I last on that list? ; )
ty for the fix TomFrank. Names ordered by height according to chart shown in faq. Suppose I’ll need to buy McBeef a Hallmark card for not listing him.
“While that train wreck sets a course for, “Bitch, You Gonna Die” Junction”—oh my gosh, i laughed so hard. i’m not sure why i found that as hilarious as i did, but jesus christ, was that a beautiful turn of phrase.
“I kissed a bear and I liked it!”
pssssssst: SHE WILL REFUSE A N*GGER.
Really? Fucking moron…
Why? She was with one b4 Russell guess once you go black you can totally go back.
It’s nice to see Katy trying to win Russell back with an offer to be more adventurous.
She’s given love and inspiration to so many people I hope it all finds a way to come back to her.
Damn she’s fine!
She’s dreamy
Hey Elton, cut an Album with her before you retire, and do a proper job of it.
What’s interesting about Katy Perry is that her fans don’t blog about her as much as other famous fans do. In contrast the girls that listen to 50 cent and Kanye West always comment negatively about Katy on sites like this.
Is Mike Tyson still married to Dr. Lakiha Spicer?
Just cool it with the hair, and show us the jugs missy
The people who write these articles sound so ignorant and biased
I hope Kat likes tennis players. At least that’s what I assume Rihanna was talking about when she said all the men she knows have good “back-hands”.
lol! cute!