Rihanna Wants To Babysit Snooki’s Baby

September 17th, 2012 // 37 Comments
Wait, Is That Rihanna?
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“And here’s how you wash your ass. Something your mama will never teach you on account of Ewoks liking their fur dry…”

According to Us Magazine, Rihanna apparently offered to babysit’s Snooki‘s newborn son Lorenzo which makes me feel much better now about her pretending to get back together with Chris Brown because clearly her endgame all along was to preserve the gene pool.

RIHANNA: Yo, Chris, this baby just peeped your phone!
CHRIS: Is it smaller and weaker than me?
CHRIS: Then I’m gonna fuck it up.

Ha! For a minute there I thought she was going to have sex with him again. Could you imagine?

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Splash News


  1. SaintMidian

    licking their fur dry. You can like something all you want but it still won’t get dry.

  2. Johnny P!

    According to the Associated Press:
    “LOS ANGELES, CALIF.—Chris Brown is scheduled to return to a Los Angeles courtroom for the first time in more than a year amid questions about his community service.
    The R&B singer is on probation for the 2009 beating of his then-girlfriend Rihanna and had been ordered to perform six months’ worth of community service, including graffiti removal, roadside cleanup and other manual labour.
    Brown has completed his terms with praise from a judge, however a prosecutor raised concerns about how many hours he had completed. An audit of his community service was ordered in July.
    Brown was also ordered to appear in court for a review of his probation on Monday.”
    I’m sure Snooki will be more than happy to teach her spawn to refer to him as ‘Uncle Chris’ in no time.
    It just makes sense…

  3. USDA Prime McBeef

    Years ago when I lived in the Frogtown neighborhood in St. Paul, I had some neighbors that liked to fight, Chris Brown and Rhianna style.

    The girl locked her boyfriend out of the apt and he was yelling at her from the ground to her third floor balcony. The argument ensued for a while and when the man gave up trying to get the key, he exclaimed, “Bitch, you got a dirty ass! Dirty!”

    Still not sure what exactly that meant, if it was figurative or literally, but either way it has stuck with me for years.

  4. Cardinal Fang

    Reminds me of when they wash they animals at the zoo.

  5. That baby is guaranteed to grow up to be a normal well adjusted person.

  6. There’s only one word that can describe this story: KADOOMENT!!

  7. A Klingon raising a Wookie…this should be good.

  8. El Jefe

    She is not even trying to hide that she is an imbecile and trash anymore, is she?

  9. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Ben Dover
    Commented on this photo:

    someone please punch her

  10. achilles wrath

    When my niece was just born I was left alone in a room with her, and she was climbing on a chair which I thought was cool until she fell off head first. I caught her before she hit the floor and she was fine, but I still literally have nightmares about that.

    So, yeah, Rihanna and a baby, that can’t possibly go wrong.

    • SugarTits

      Is your neice a monkey? Babies can’t climb things until theyre about 9-12 months, you make it sound like she fell out of her owner’s womb and climbed up a chair lol.

      • qwerty

        I was thinking the same thing. How could a ‘just born’ baby climb a chair?? Details are inconsistent but I get what you’re saying. ;)

    • j to the r.o.c.

      I hear ya…but it would likely go further south than your implication that she’d allow a baby to head-plant – and by further south I mean the pit of hell: that baby could wind up on the altar as a sacrifice to molech, the owl ‘god’

  11. Deacon Jones



  12. SugarTits

    Oh no this won’t work. Rihanna can’t even take care of herself without an entourage, how will she care for a baby?

  13. Dr Bunsen

    In other news Chris Brown was refused a visa to enter the UK


    guilty of a serious criminal offense. Which one?

  14. I like her ass. Don’t sit on Snooki’s baby. Sit on my face.

  15. The Royal Penis

    Someone needs to tell her you can’t wash off herpes.

  16. Stinky Joe

    I’d finger her corn patch.

  17. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    Just when you thought it was safe to get out of the water! Jaws… I mean Peep.

  18. qwerty

    Well, if there is one baby that needs to be raised poorly, I don’t see a better babysitter to help out.

  19. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    Proudly displaying atrophy of the soleus and gastrocnemius normally only in patients after wearing an ankle cast for more than six months, Rihanna has obviously confused her unsightly peg-legs with the desirable, shapely calves that come from moderate exercise and a healthy lifestyle.

  20. lilgrandma

    HATE HER ANYMORE!!! like she said she can do what the hell she wants!!shows how much of a dumbass she is!no wonder her parents were the way they were!!!she is so rotten anymore and as for her n chris they deserve each other!kim is the 15 mins spotlight and riri is the one that wants the 15 mins of love n sex!It’s not OK for someone to beat you then go back to fuck him!!!you NASTY getto BITCH!!!

  21. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Fred Garvin
    Commented on this photo:

    Water does not wash off the crabs, nice try though.

  22. jenaluv33

    you must have had crabs once or twice in your life to be able to give another advice on removing crabs……

  23. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    Who is the bloke in the water?

  24. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    shouldnt she have a tattoo across her chest? old photos are old

  25. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Joe T
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, I would be lucky to last 1 minute inside of her

  26. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    That bikini bottom is painted on. If you’re not rock hard from looking at that, you’re clearly not into p***y.

  27. Rihanna Bikini Hose Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    I would lick that ass for hours

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