Rihanna Is Serial Killer-Chic And Carrying A Ferret

Rihanna, who is still pooping glitter from last weekend’s Coachella costume, was spotted looking like meth-head Carmen Sandiego yesterday in Los Angeles. She also got some scientists to surgically implant her phone into a live ferret, which she addressed throughout the day as “Yubby”.

“Yubby, search the web for where I can buy a live puma. I want to eat fresh jungle sushi tonight.”

Backward times we’re living in here, folks. I suggest you buy all the canned yams you can get your hands on and dig a big hole.