Rihanna Wouldn’t Meet Charlie Sheen’s Porn Star Fiancee, He Took It Well

The Superficial / May 22, 2014

Last night was Charlie Sheen’s fiance Brett Rossi’s – I’m sorry, Scottine’s. – birthday, so he took her out for a nice fancy dinner at Giorgio Baldi where Rihanna also happened to be eating. Turns out Scottine is a huge fan, so according to TMZ, Charlie sent along a request for a meet-and-greet which Rihanna politely declined because clearly she doesn’t know (or give a shit) that this is a man who tweets knives and grenades to the mothers of his children. So it doesn’t take a psychic to figure out what happened next. Via Charlie’s Twitter where sanity goes to get banged to death on a pile of coke:

I took my gal out to dinner
last night with her best
friends for her Bday.
we heard Rihanna was present as well.
I sent a request over to her table to introduce my fiancé
Scotty to her, as she is a
huge fan.

(personally I couldn’t pick her out of a line-up at gunpoint)

well, the word we received back was that there were too
many paps outside and it just wasn’t possible at this time.

At this time? AT THIS TIME??
lemme guess, we’re to reschedule another random
11 million to 1 encounter
with her some other night…?

no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and
“please kill me now”
that I’d never get back.

My Gal, however,
was NOT OK with it.
Nice impression you
left behind, Bday or not.
Sorry we’re not KOOL enough
to warrant a blessing from
the Princess.
(or in this case
the Village idiot)

you see THIS is the reason
that I ALWAYS take the time.
THIS is why I’m in this thing
31 awesome years.
Good will and
common courtesy, carefully
established over time to exist radically in concert
with a code of gratitude!

I guess “Talk That Talk”
was just a big ol lie from
a big ol liar.

oh and Riahnna,
Halloween isn’t for a while.
but good on you for testing out your costume in public.
it’s close; a more muted pink might be the answer,
as in:

See ya on the way down,
(we always do)
and actually,
it was a pleasure NOT
meeting you.
clearly we have NOTHING
in common when it comes
to respect for those who’ve
gone before you.
I’m guessing you needed those precious 84 seconds
to situate that bad wig
before you left the restaurant.

Here’s a tip from a real vet
of this terrain;
If ya don’t wanna get bothered
and if this “Prison of Fame”
is soooooooo unnerving and
difficult, then QUIT, junior!

And while all of that was clearly shit-splattered out of a bat having a manic episode, let’s not lose sight of the craziest thing that happened in this post: Brett Rossi renamed herself Scottine. “Scottine.” There are serial killers reading this who think she could get helped.

UPDATE: Here’s Rihanna’s response to Charlie:

And here’s a poem he gave to his publicist a.k.a. TMZ:

“Dear Ms. Rihan-
oh wait, no last name,
Okay, Dear R -
clearly English is NOT
your primary language.

Firstly I want to thank you for recognizing me as Royalty. I’m flattered.
And secondly;
do the good Queen a favor and go tend to the dungeon in my Castle.
But beware of the
rats and the snakes.
They stir with folly
awaiting your tepid advance,
in the shadows…”

later Doosh!

Wait a minute. Dungeon? Dungeons are below a castle. Just like basements are below a house. Basement. Basement Baby. Holy shit, he’s working for Solange! DON’T TAKE THAT ELEVATOR!

Photos: AKM-GSI, Splash News