Ricky Gervais petitions Obama for a Paris Hilton/Victoria Beckham exchange

February 3rd, 2009 // 97 Comments

British comedian Ricky Gervais took to his blog today after finding out Paris Hilton bought a house in London. He’s written the following open letter to President Barack Obama in hopes of negotiating a trade:

Dear Mr President,
Firstly, congratulations on your historic win. I have never been so behind a candidate for what must be considered the boss of the world.
You seem to be a man of grace and integrity, who would never shirk responsibility in any way.
I’ll get to the point.
As I’m sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don’t have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public.
Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let’s cut the “it’s a free country” nonsense and come to some agreement.
I propose an exchange.
This is how it would work. We call them both and tell them that we’ve found a giant “paparazzi nest”, in New York say. (half way home for both of them already)
At first they may be confused that they’d never heard of such a thing before, but the thought of that many photographers in one place will be irresistible.
Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It’s fool proof.
This is a covert operation of which Mr Gordon Brown knows nothing. (I’ve got him working on finding a synthetic fur for The Queen’s guards’ bearskin hats.)
Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest.
Thank you,
Ricky Gervais

I’m not even going to attempt to follow that slice of awesome except to say, Suck it, England, she’s all yours now. But thanks for Falcor with tits. U-S-A!

Photos: Splash News, WENN
superficial

  1. darksecret

    first fuckers

  2. nipolian

    Ironic?……The most successful black man in US history is living in government housing.

  3. hmmmm

    wow…posh actually looks good.

  4. The following quotes actually bring humor to this article.
    “You seem to be a man of grace and integrity” *apparently the farthest from
    “boss of the world” *a real legend in his own mind
    Ricky obviously hasn’t paid much attention to the cabinet picks, ha ha.

    Even Mr. Bo has to appreciate a good street whore periodically…..

  5. cavy

    Team Pegg

  6. Guest

    This site is getting really
    boring…why can’t you post
    anything more interesting?

  7. Danielle

    Honestly I don’t like either of them but I’d rather have Victoria in the US than Paris…god she’s annoying.

  8. Autumn

    Falcor – hahaha….who is this masked Superficial writer. I must know.

  9. Jrz

    YO! Fish Man! What up?! I just told you this on the Jenifer Aniston post and you didn’t give me no props? Damn…..that ain’t right.

  10. wow

    I know conservative Republicans are Father Knows Best nostalgia addicts (for a time that never existed), but I didn’t know the depth of the racism and bitterness. Luckily their party has been crushed and they’ll be forced to regroup as something less atavistic if they ever want to be heard from again (other than as the “minority party” ironically enough).

  11. Valerie

    Posh, please remember that if you fake and bake that much, apply bronzer to your face!

  12. Randal

    Two very beautiful women to post about late in the afternoon will certainly make the evening that much more enjoyable. Posh with her stunning beauty and Paris with her soft spoken words. A perfect match!

    Randal

  13. meknow

    What a butt kissing butthole. He sure isn’t funny, either.

  14. havoc

    OMFG!
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    LMFAO!!
    LMFAO!

    Just kidding. Who the fuck is Rick Gervais?

    He’s not that fag from the MTV awards is he?

    .

  15. Kim K, is this you?

    “In what is being heralded as a “first-ever procedure,” surgeons removed a healthy kidney through a donor’s vagina, the Johns Hopkins Medical Center has announced.”

  16. I BELIEVE FOX NEWS

    Ain’t funny. The ONLY funny person in the WORLD is Jeff Foxworthy.

  17. Reido

    Falcor! Time to go hunt down the Neverending Story.

  18. STFUP

    Screw that. England can have both of ‘em!

  19. Nick

    #15 – that’s Kim if she insisted that the contents be sprayed on her face.

  20. Rough Daddy

    I will be back!!!

  21. authorego

    “The sun never sets on the British Empire” —-Bwahahahahaha They have been eclipsed by giant STDs that fear no radiation nor dank of night.

  22. Alex

    Ricky is awesome hahaha I love him, he is a great comedian! hahaha He really cracked me up with this one.

  23. ORLY?

    Obama doesn’t care.

  24. Andy

    oh god please take her back

    i will show you a nipple or 3 if you do

    xXx

  25. Fernando Narcos

    #4-Get back to your usual boy-stalking and bathroom peter puffing,you moronic winger.

  26. ghost

    Why would that guy think we want that disease bag Paris back? At least Victoria Beckham isn’t breeding VD.

  27. anthonyOA

    post looks good. time away from beckham has done her the world of good. looks like she’s been laid….

    …wait.

  28. SDK

    No way man! Paris is SO much worse than Posh. No one pays attention to Posh here in LA. No one cares. Please don’t send Paris back. Send her to Belarus where she can be sold on the black market.

  29. SDK

    No way man! Paris is SO much worse than Posh. No one pays attention to Posh here in LA. No one cares. Please don’t send Paris back. Send her to Belarus where she can be sold on the black market.

  30. britney's weave

    um, yeah, we’ll keep victoria. enjoy the herpes, brits.

  31. Jeff W.

    I’ve never seen a single picture of Posh that didn’t make me want to smash her.

  32. Jeff W.

    I’ve never seen a single picture of Posh that didn’t make me want to smash her.

  33. daleile555

    She is my dream girl!! she’s just the type I like most!
    you may wanna check this out, guys, ^^^^^^^^ AgelessMate.com ^^^^^^^^^, hot cougars and milfs there may just suit you the best!! who knows?

  34. Yikes

    When did Skeletor get boobs?

  35. humpinfrog

    I say we throw in a few eel pies (stimulus package?) and call it even, if they take both of them.

  36. amy

    COME ON RICKY!!!!!!!!!!!
    can you say score?!

  37. David Beckham Loves the Cock!

    Lets all hope Victoria the Spice Girl and David Beckham spend many, many years married and making eachother miserable!

    David Beckham Loves the Cock!

  38. Conky

    Nope, they get to keep Paris. The Herpes is a bonus so keep the change.

    Thanks

  39. lucy

    I just found a great club—blackwhitefriends . c ^o^m. . it is a site for hot women to date charming and rich men. some of famous business men and female celebrities are hanging out there.

  40. Vicky is “EVICTED” out of england.
    Paris will be “EVICTED” out of the united states.
    LET THE “FIREWORKS” BEGIN, folks!!

  41. anna

    I always thought that she wears clothes that are too fucking tight to create that cleavage, but all along just a bad boob job?

  42. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  43. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  44. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  45. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  46. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  47. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  48. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  49. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

  50. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

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