British comedian Ricky Gervais took to his blog today after finding out Paris Hilton bought a house in London. He’s written the following open letter to President Barack Obama in hopes of negotiating a trade:
Dear Mr President,
Firstly, congratulations on your historic win. I have never been so behind a candidate for what must be considered the boss of the world.
You seem to be a man of grace and integrity, who would never shirk responsibility in any way.
I’ll get to the point.
As I’m sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don’t have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public.
Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let’s cut the “it’s a free country” nonsense and come to some agreement.
I propose an exchange.
This is how it would work. We call them both and tell them that we’ve found a giant “paparazzi nest”, in New York say. (half way home for both of them already)
At first they may be confused that they’d never heard of such a thing before, but the thought of that many photographers in one place will be irresistible.
Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It’s fool proof.
This is a covert operation of which Mr Gordon Brown knows nothing. (I’ve got him working on finding a synthetic fur for The Queen’s guards’ bearskin hats.)
Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest.
Thank you,
Ricky Gervais
I’m not even going to attempt to follow that slice of awesome except to say, Suck it, England, she’s all yours now. But thanks for Falcor with tits. U-S-A!
darksecret | February 3, 2009 at 3:32 pm
first fuckers
nipolian | February 3, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Ironic?……The most successful black man in US history is living in government housing.
hmmmm | February 3, 2009 at 3:43 pm
wow…posh actually looks good.
Turbo Tax Huh ? | February 3, 2009 at 3:44 pm
The following quotes actually bring humor to this article.
“You seem to be a man of grace and integrity” *apparently the farthest from
“boss of the world” *a real legend in his own mind
Ricky obviously hasn’t paid much attention to the cabinet picks, ha ha.
Even Mr. Bo has to appreciate a good street whore periodically…..
cavy | February 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Team Pegg
Guest | February 3, 2009 at 3:53 pm
This site is getting really
boring…why can’t you post
anything more interesting?
Danielle | February 3, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Honestly I don’t like either of them but I’d rather have Victoria in the US than Paris…god she’s annoying.
Autumn | February 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Falcor – hahaha….who is this masked Superficial writer. I must know.
Jrz | February 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm
YO! Fish Man! What up?! I just told you this on the Jenifer Aniston post and you didn’t give me no props? Damn…..that ain’t right.
wow | February 3, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I know conservative Republicans are Father Knows Best nostalgia addicts (for a time that never existed), but I didn’t know the depth of the racism and bitterness. Luckily their party has been crushed and they’ll be forced to regroup as something less atavistic if they ever want to be heard from again (other than as the “minority party” ironically enough).
Valerie | February 3, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Posh, please remember that if you fake and bake that much, apply bronzer to your face!
Randal | February 3, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Two very beautiful women to post about late in the afternoon will certainly make the evening that much more enjoyable. Posh with her stunning beauty and Paris with her soft spoken words. A perfect match!
Randal
meknow | February 3, 2009 at 4:14 pm
What a butt kissing butthole. He sure isn’t funny, either.
havoc | February 3, 2009 at 4:17 pm
OMFG!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
LMFAO!!
LMFAO!
Just kidding. Who the fuck is Rick Gervais?
He’s not that fag from the MTV awards is he?
.
Kim K, is this you? | February 3, 2009 at 4:18 pm
“In what is being heralded as a “first-ever procedure,” surgeons removed a healthy kidney through a donor’s vagina, the Johns Hopkins Medical Center has announced.”
I BELIEVE FOX NEWS | February 3, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Ain’t funny. The ONLY funny person in the WORLD is Jeff Foxworthy.
Reido | February 3, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Falcor! Time to go hunt down the Neverending Story.
STFUP | February 3, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Screw that. England can have both of ‘em!
Nick | February 3, 2009 at 4:25 pm
#15 – that’s Kim if she insisted that the contents be sprayed on her face.
Rough Daddy | February 3, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I will be back!!!
authorego | February 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm
“The sun never sets on the British Empire” —-Bwahahahahaha They have been eclipsed by giant STDs that fear no radiation nor dank of night.
Alex | February 3, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Ricky is awesome hahaha I love him, he is a great comedian! hahaha He really cracked me up with this one.
ORLY? | February 3, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Obama doesn’t care.
Andy | February 3, 2009 at 6:00 pm
oh god please take her back
i will show you a nipple or 3 if you do
xXx
Fernando Narcos | February 3, 2009 at 6:26 pm
#4-Get back to your usual boy-stalking and bathroom peter puffing,you moronic winger.
ghost | February 3, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Why would that guy think we want that disease bag Paris back? At least Victoria Beckham isn’t breeding VD.
anthonyOA | February 3, 2009 at 7:40 pm
post looks good. time away from beckham has done her the world of good. looks like she’s been laid….
…wait.
SDK | February 3, 2009 at 7:50 pm
No way man! Paris is SO much worse than Posh. No one pays attention to Posh here in LA. No one cares. Please don’t send Paris back. Send her to Belarus where she can be sold on the black market.
SDK | February 3, 2009 at 7:53 pm
No way man! Paris is SO much worse than Posh. No one pays attention to Posh here in LA. No one cares. Please don’t send Paris back. Send her to Belarus where she can be sold on the black market.
britney's weave | February 3, 2009 at 8:02 pm
um, yeah, we’ll keep victoria. enjoy the herpes, brits.
Jeff W. | February 3, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I’ve never seen a single picture of Posh that didn’t make me want to smash her.
Jeff W. | February 3, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I’ve never seen a single picture of Posh that didn’t make me want to smash her.
daleile555 | February 3, 2009 at 9:14 pm
She is my dream girl!! she’s just the type I like most!
you may wanna check this out, guys, ^^^^^^^^ AgelessMate.com ^^^^^^^^^, hot cougars and milfs there may just suit you the best!! who knows?
Yikes | February 3, 2009 at 9:45 pm
When did Skeletor get boobs?
humpinfrog | February 3, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I say we throw in a few eel pies (stimulus package?) and call it even, if they take both of them.
amy | February 3, 2009 at 10:04 pm
COME ON RICKY!!!!!!!!!!!
can you say score?!
David Beckham Loves the Cock! | February 3, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Lets all hope Victoria the Spice Girl and David Beckham spend many, many years married and making eachother miserable!
David Beckham Loves the Cock!
Conky | February 3, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Nope, they get to keep Paris. The Herpes is a bonus so keep the change.
Thanks
lucy | February 3, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I just found a great club—blackwhitefriends . c ^o^m. . it is a site for hot women to date charming and rich men. some of famous business men and female celebrities are hanging out there.
gerard Vandenberg | February 3, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Vicky is “EVICTED” out of england.
Paris will be “EVICTED” out of the united states.
LET THE “FIREWORKS” BEGIN, folks!!
anna | February 3, 2009 at 11:13 pm
I always thought that she wears clothes that are too fucking tight to create that cleavage, but all along just a bad boob job?
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.
TRUTH | February 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm
PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.