Yesterday, the Internet exploded with breathless reports of Ricky Gervais going “too far” as the host of The 68th Annual Golden Globes despite being hilarious and pissing on these people to their faces. Or basically the exact opposite of me in all respects. Anyway, he was supposedly canned mid-show and banned from future broadcasts after hurting Hollywood’s fee-fees. Turns out, absolutely none of that happened and the entire show went as planned. Here’s Ricky defending his jokes and shooting down “conspiracy theories” on his blog:
Obviously the rumour that the organizers stopped me going out on stage for an hour is rubbish. I did every link I was scheduled to do. The reason why the gaps were uneven is because when I got the rundown I was allowed to choose who I presented to. I obviously chose the spots that I had the best gags for. They couldn’t move around the order but I could move around however I wanted.
All the same conspiracy theories as last year too… “So and so was offended”… “hasn’t been invited back yet”… exactly the same as last time. “Paul McCartney was furious”… no he wasn’t. And nor was Tim Allen and Tom Hanks. I was drinking with them after.
Why do people have to embellish? They’re allowed to say they hated it. They’re allowed to say they didn’t find it funny, that it was tasteless, over the top, or whatever. But why do they speculate and make stuff up?
Don’t worry, I know the answer. Because it’s more interesting than “it went fine and some people won some awards and then went to a party”. But that’s all that happened.
I don’t want to toot my own horn here, but this is exactly why I stuck to the facts while covering the Golden Globes. And by facts I mean January Jones’ breasts which I probably didn’t need to spell out because I’m a pervert, so just assume that’s always what I’m talking about.
ME: How about this weather?
TRANSLATION: How about January Jones’ breasts?
ME: That was an awesome movie.
TRANSLATION: That was an awesome January Jones’ breasts.
ME: Did you see January Jones’ breasts at the Golden Globes?
TRANSLATION: This sandwich needs mustard.
(You might want to print this out as a key for future reference.)
Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News