Richard Simmons says Jessica Simpson is 268 pounds

February 19th, 2009 // 65 Comments

Richard Simmons understands Jessica Simpson is fat and, dammit, he wants to do something about it. But first he’s going to equate her with being a 268 pound behemoth. That should start the healing. Us Magazine reports:

“I was 268 pounds — I’ve been there,” the weight guru tells Entertainment Tonight.
“We eat for so many reasons,” Simmons says. “Most of the reasons are emotional.”
Us Weekly has reported Simpson packed on pounds because she’s insecure in her relationship with Tony Romo.
“We have to start liking ourselves more before we start taking better care of ourselves,” he goes on.
Simmons says “it’s just so tough to be exposed, and let people see you gain weight. I pray for all those celebrities who are having a really tough time,” he goes on.

So, basically Jessica Simpson eats because she’s insecure, but she’s insecure because she eats. You know how you break that cycle? Stripping. Let me lay it down for you:

1. It’s an immediate confidence builder. Otherwise, you become the shy dancer who doesn’t make any tips and ends up living behind the bowling alley with her cats. True story.
2. You can’t eat when you’re giving me a lap dance. Sure, I might let you have a bite of my chicken wings, but that comes out of your tip. I’m no Commie.

It’s post like this that make me wonder why I’m never invited on Oprah to empower women. It’s a shame, really.

superficial

  1. Fat Bastard

    Of course I’m no’ happy. Look at me, I’m a big fat slob. I’ve got bigger titties than you do. I’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I’ve not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead. I can’t stop eating. I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I’d like to get in touch with and forgive… myself.

  2. a real dude

    Nobody wants a lap dance from a fat chick.

  3. Kim (not Kardashian)

    I’d say she’s more like 150 pounds. 268 poulds is pushing it a little. What are they trying to do, make this girl go all Lindsay on us? I’d rather see her looking like this than all skin and bones like Lohan.

  4. lina

    i heat fat fat people.i am an American, but i am thin.

  5. Sexy Techy

    I am glad I lose my appetite when I am stressed or sad because my type of work can be stressful at times. People need to do something else when they are sad besides eating like go exercise or get a hobby.

  6. lina

    #3
    you fat ass shut up!!!

  7. Jrz

    If I saw that standing over me, I’d definately hand over my Big Mac to it.

  8. Sandy

    I’d give her Lindsay’s Big Mac. She probably wouldn’t notice there was a mouse-size bite in it.

  9. nancy

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!##############!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Not really sure I’m ok with that!! better ask my friends met on
    ==== Ageless Mate.c om ==== know what? I do think people I met there are hot and sincere! Desipte the actual so-called Age Gap, we get along together splendidly!! and I’m even thinking about romance there!! lol

  10. Jrz

    nancy, #9—ask your friends? Bitch, please……you ain’t got no friends.

  11. Richard Simmons

    “We eat for so many reasons. Most of the reasons are emotional. In my case, when I get emotional I eat a lot of cock. Did I say cock?! I meant to say, when I eat a lot of cock I get emotional. Did I say cock again?!! My goodness!!! I meant to say, when I eat a lot of ass I get cock. What?!! Now I’m getting emotional! Say…do you like gladiator movies?”

  12. Eric

    ALL HAIL THE CONQUERING GUNT

  13. Gap Girls

    Jessica, just cinch it!

    Hold on…maybe cinch it twice…

  14. KD

    I think Richard Simmons is just trying to find any kind of way to get his name out their. I know people 2 times the size of Jessica and they are only around 215 lbs so he has no clue what he is talking about. I think it was a poor choice of wardrobe on Jessicas’s part. Richard Simmons has just confirmed that he has no clue about weight or weight loss.

  15. 268 is an absolutely ridiculous estimate. She’s bigger now for sure but that’s recockulous.

    http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/various-sundries

  16. KD

    I think Richard Simmons is just trying to find any kind of way to get his name out their. I know people 2 times the size of Jessica and they are only around 215 lbs so he has no clue what he is talking about. I think it was a poor choice of wardrobe on Jessicas’s part. Richard Simmons has just confirmed that he has no clue about weight or weight loss.

  17. Look what you started, Anna Nicole!! (ooops…R.I.P.)

    This seems to be a trend — get fat, or turn crazy or both, then media frenzy, then get skinny and turn sane, wow what a comeback.

    All I’m sayin is…didn’t work for me!

  18. havoc

    LOL! He nevers say that Jessica’s 268, he says that he was…

    I’d say she’s more 250ish…..

    .

  19. SHAR

    She is definitely not fat. Society is just so damn use to seeing woman that are under 100 lbs.

  20. Anonymous

    Wait until Romo comes to his senses and dumps her………

  21. Randal

    Jessica continues to be beautiful, just as she was when she wasn’t so voluptuous. Sexy is sexy, regardless and Jessica has always been sexy.

    She looks great and healthy, something real, hard working, everyday folks can relate to. Keep smiling!

    Randal

  22. Yeah. In person she is tiny!

  23. Jayger

    passing FRIST a happy pill

  24. pete

    “Society is just so damn use to seeing woman that are under 100 lbs. ”

    Certainly not American society.

  25. *sigh*

    Randal, I think it’s great that you have so many positive things to say about every woman posted on this site (modest and skanky alike). BUT, yes, here comes the but… celebrities are not supposed to look ‘real ‘and ‘hardworking ‘and ‘someone that every day folks can relate to’.

    They are supposed to be mythical fantasy creatures with surreal levels of sexyness that no mere human could possibly attain. Hence the personal trainers, personal shoppers, high dosage of body/makeup, lighting and photo-shop that create this grand illusion allowing us to close our eyes and imagine… *sigh* if only I could look like that! (and other pervers thoughts dependant on gender and/or sexual preference)
    __

    On another note, I don’t think little Richie Sims is referring to her PERSONALLY weighing that much, he seems to be talking about his own weight issues in the past. and using that an example for not-so-little Jessie Simp. Given that she is short, I say she is 140 lbs tops.

  26. p0nk

    maybe a 3rd belt will hide it better.

    @20 Sharmu belongs to a society of orcas.

  27. NipTuck

    I would say she is 160 pounds tops. No way she is over 200.

    She is beautiful either way.

    AND no I am not saying it is okay to be fat. No I am not a fat chick saying obesity is fine. I am not encouraging obesity. She is not obese, a bit chunky, but she is fine!!!

  28. Thanks Jayger, I njeeded that as you can swee and it worked!!

  29. tertese

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!come on; give me a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Who cares! Just saw her appear on the FREE and HOT celebrities/ men seeking affairs site ~~~ A g e l e s s D a t e. c o m ~~~ where you can meet many famous people and beauties. I have met my soul mate there. It is worthy of having a try.

  30. antiguy

    whats with the author of this story?
    youd think that he wouldnt bother to spend money on female strippers when hes so obviously a closet homosexual who has never seen a naked woman irl without projectile vomiting.
    hey dude. its the 00s. we even have a black president.
    its ok to end the charade and admit youre a flaming queen who posts this stuff cause you are so mad that you dont look as female as these women

  31. Nuh-uh!

    I’m 232lbs and 5’7 and I’m much larger than she is.
    I wouldn’t put her at over 200lbs unless even in the mom jeans she’s wearing her weight well. She’s probably a size 14/16 (Plus sizes, of course) and about 185lbs.

  32. This is an enormous EXAGGERATION.
    254 pounds, NOTHING MORE, folks!!

  33. vito

    Good God A’mighty…some of you people are incredibly stupid. Simmons was saying that **HE** was once 268 lbs., not Jessica.

    She’s only 5’3″, fer fucksake. I would be surprised if she was over 140. Remember, 5’3″ is pretty damn small and when she looked her best I would bet she wasn’t over 105.

    As far as Richard Simmons trying to get his name “OUT THERE”, ya really want to remember he has been doing this stuff for about 30 years. He has probably forgotten more about weight loss and nutrition than you’ll ever know.

    On the other hand, he really is a fucking flamer. Why do gay guys have to sound like Truman Capote? Is it something in the Anal Lube?

  34. She is not 268 lbs! I would say she is far from it.

  35. TSHAFF

    ENOUGH with this stupid crap… Fish you’re just bad as the rest of the media if you’re going to continue harping on this no talent ass clown’s weight.

  36. jacky

    WOOOOOWWW! She is so fat now! Why not lose weight? Then she will look much better, maybe she can find another rich guy on the weatlhy single club ^^C e l e b m i n g l e. C 0 M^^, hahahaha…

  37. lucy

    She is so hot. I have seen his profile on ____Millionaire Romances com , she is welcomed by a lot of rich singles and celebs here. She is looking for passion and excitement?

  38. Kim (not Kardashian)

    #6 lina,

    What the fuck was that for! I didn’t say that she isn’t fat, and i’m not saying that 150 isn’t fat! She is definitely chunky but no way is she 268 pounds.

    You must have been talking about yourself when you made that comment.

    And if you prefer coked out emaciated bags of flesh, then go for it!

  39. AmberDextrose

    @ 20 “She is definitely not fat. Society is just so damn use to seeing woman that are under 100 lbs. ”

    Errrrrrr… I think you’re getting a little confused.

    She definitely IS fat. You’re just so damn used to seeing people that are over 300lbs.

  40. Dr Necro

    A true Texas heffer

  41. Mama Pinkus

    Jessica is fine, Richard; now let’s address your behavior, running around at age 60 in a sparkly tank top and short-shorts, whoring for yogurt in TV commercials. And don’t even get me started on your hair.

  42. lina

    #39 Kim

    you know 268lb look a like. you are the one!!!

  43. michelle

    268? wtf? what a dumbass. she is probably 170 maybe 180ish with the boobs max!

  44. ::::: only crying yourself to sleep will NOT make u SKINNY ::::: http://www.ThisIsWhyYoureSkinny.com

  45. Id love to see her standing over me…just so I could rim her tight little butthole.

    I want to be in the middle of a KK & JS sandwich, after KK is washed down, soaked and rid of all the nastiness she has due to her propensity for dark meat.

  46. Fawn

    Good suggestion! My friends and I have been saying that for a while: stripping or porn. Everyone believes she’s soooooooooooo pretty, yet she can’t get anywhere with her acting or singing, so it’s the best route for her to take! And you are right, it will more than likely build her self confidence again.

  47. Kim (not Kardashian)

    #43. lina

    Sorry lina, I didn’t realize you were mentally challenged. I understand now that you just can’t comprehend the english language. Oops I was using big words, let me rephrase….. Fuck you, you fat ass moron.

  48. Embob

    Why don’t people ever just think that quite possibly, she’s just living a life like a normal person. Most people aren’t genetic toothpicks and at their ideal, healthy weight, look more like Jessica Simpson now than Jessica Simpson before. Why does she have to be unhappy because she’s 20 lbs bigger? Isn’t it possible she’s actually more happy because she’s taking more time for herself, her family, & her boyfriend instead of obsessing about the gym and her calorie count? This is so ridiculous.

  49. JJ

    omyeffingjesuschrist

    can we please cut this shit out already?
    everybody gets it…jessica simpson is a fatasss
    now can we please move on
    im so sick of looking at this nasty fucking pic of her
    she looks so disguisting
    just like she always has.

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