IT’S JESUS’ BIRTHDAY OR ELSE MUSLIMS!!! A Review of Sarah Palin’s Christmas Book (Pt. 4)

December 1st, 2013 // 81 Comments
Sarah Palin

Welcome to the final installment of The Superficial review of Good Tidings and Great Joy which, yes, I’m completely willing to accept may have played a part in Paul Walker‘s death. This shit got way out of hand, and God only knows who it’ll claim next if I don’t put an end to it soon. Unless I can somehow aim it… *tries to point post at Chris Brown* No, no, there’s been enough bloodsheed… *tries one more time*

6. SEEING DOUBLE … STANDARDS

If I haven’t mentioned it yet, Sarah Palin fucking loves Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. She mentions it at least once a chapter and almost always in the context of the Christmas spirit transforming Ebenezer Scrooge into a kind, generous employer. And yet this is the same woman whose moose-knuckle turns into a fire hydrant at the mere mention of Walmart, a company that has probably looked into getting slavery back on the books more than once. So in the same vein as A Christmas Carol – and the completely ridiculous Joe McScrooge from chapter one – Sarah Palin takes us to the future of our world because she’s a Highlander now if Highlanders are terrified of diversity. “There can be only one — holiday in December!” *chops off Kwanzaa’s head with a katana*

“VISION OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME … IF THE MILITANT ATHEISTS AND SECULAR LIBERALS HAVE THEIR WAY”

Yup, that was a direct quote.

It’s December 2028, and Sarah Palin pays a surprise visit to her bastard grandson Tripp at University of Alaska Anchorage where he’s naturally there on a hockey scholarship because Palins are gosh darn athletes, Bahby, a dontcha know. While Tripp and his teammates duck out for practice, Sarah is left to wander the campus on our own where, gee golly wilikers, she can’t believe her own eyes. The campus is decorated beautifully with pinecones and candles and brass and silver, but there’s no “traditional” Christmas decorations like candy canes or a tiny little baby hovering above all the other religions vanquishing them with angel beams. Instead, there’s only… diversity! OH NO!

“As we approach the Winter Solstice season, which encompasses holidays celebrated by many faiths, keep in mind the University of Alaska Anchorage is a diverse community and diversity is one of our key educational values.”

“What the fuck is this shit?” thinks Future Sarah Palin. Then she reads a list of upcoming lectures in case, somehow, readers aren’t already freaked out by all the diversity talk. Which let’s be honest, they paid $24.99 for a book about The War on Christmas written by Sarah Palin. They are.

THE CHRISTMAS MYTH: REDISCOVERING THE
PAGAN ROOTS OF A HIJACKED HOLIDAY

FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND LOVE: CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS
WITHOUT INVITING THE GODS OF YESTERYEAR

SHOULD YOU TRUST YOUR PARENTS AGAIN?
RECOVERING FROM THE SANTA LIE

Holy fuck on a moose horn, now Future Sarah has to get some answers. Fortunately, she runs into Karly, the “Vice Dean of Respect and Inclusion.” YUP. The shit is on. Future Sarah sets it off by straight dropping the c-bomb on her new nemesis. And by c-bomb I mean Christmas which amazingly doesn’t result in a Sentinel emerging from behind a tree to plasma blast Future Sarah straight to Baby Jesus’ upstairs house.

“While we don’t actually have any ‘Christmas’ activities per se,” she says, “um, this is a very diverse community, I’m sure you’ll be able to find something you’ll enjoy. There’s the Winter Solstice gathering at seven o’clock tonight.”
“What is that exactly?” I ask. “Like, caroling?”
“Well, last year, solstice celebrators had a bonfire, they made a representation of a man out of sticks, and they tucked little pieces of paper into the man’s hand with regrets from the last year. Then they lit it on fire and watched it burn away their shame and guilt,” she says. “Then they had sausages, eggs, and lots of good traditional drink.”
“Oh,” I say. “Well, that sounds … interesting.”

Motherfucking witchcraft! Future Sarah knew it. But surely there has to be some sort of Christian group on campus except it turns out they all voluntarily opted out of participating in UAA’s “inclusive community” because they’d have to be nice to gays and other religions, so now they meet in the cover of darkness off campus. Some say they drink unicorn bloo- wait, wrong book. Now Future Sarah’s pissed because she just wants to hear some fucking carols and doesn’t have time to go off campus to look for non-diverse pillars of Christ, so she bitches at Karly because, as every woman knows, saying something out loud will immediately change a situation to exactly the way you think it should be:

“It used to be that Christmas events happened all over the campus.”
“Yes, but times change,” she says, looking at me with concern or pity. “We don’t have slavery anymore, either.”
What did Miss Karly just say? I inaudibly gulp.

Oh, fuck, they’re teaching college students that shit can change? Future Sarah has had enough. Take her to the multi-faith center. Take her there immediately! But, on the way, let’s stop by a bunch of atheist displays that happened in real life because, here’s some Shymalan shit, the future? It’s now. BRAAAAAAAHMMMMM.

1. A “Holiday” Tree Sale. Neil Degrasse Tyson, would you be so kind?

2. A “natural nativity” scene.

3. A Santa crucifixion scene.

But we’ll soon learn that’s not the worst of it because it’s Muslims. Muslims are the worst of it which is why there are exactly as many Muslim examples as there are atheist ones.

1. Foot washing stations.

“Our Muslim students partake in wudu, the ritual ablutions before the prayer sessions. They had a hard time washing their feet in the sinks, so adding foot-washing stations was part of our university renovations. Costly in terms of budget, sure, but here we believe inclusion is, well, priceless.”
I duck my head into the “state-of-the-art” commode and sure enough, along the wall, in the corner, are several “foot baths.”
“How many students uses this ‘priceless’ spigot?”

You spent money on a minority, bitch, how could you?!

2. A banner for Eid al-Adha that just happened to coincide with Thanksgiving during Future Sarah Palin’s visit. She doesn’t list a real word example for this one because it takes place a different time each year so this would never fucking happen, but it fits her theme of other religions being a pain in the ass to good, wholesome American ones where we murder each other on Black Friday for $39 plasmas.

3. Tripp returns to find Future Sarah, and tells her he didn’t get to practice because he was banned from the hockey rink until later in the evening because it was Muslim women exercise time which they don’t feel comfortable doing in front of men. A practice that Harvard made headlines for in 2008 because they want 9/11 to happen again, only this time the terrorists will use the inconvenienced bodies of white Christian men who had to wait an extra hour to use the elliptical machine.

After learning about all this Muslim business – and yeah, okay, whatever, the atheists – Future Sarah finally loses her shit:

“What abouy just your average Joe Six-Pack boring ol’ Christian student feeling welcome and honored?”
“Oh, please,” she says. “The dominant faith in our culture doesn’t need more of an advantage than it already enjoys.”

And then the story ends because, surely, Sarah’s readers are mollified at the thought of their seat of privilege not being hoisted upon with more privilege for, in the words of Jesus, “the demanders of more privilege shall inherit the earth.” Fortunately, Sarah has a better Christmas Yet To Come for you to hope for, and all it takes is no Muslims. Not a single Muslim. You think I’m exaggerating, but this version has carolers, candy cane decorations, Christians and atheists spiritedly debating each other with smiles on their faces because Christians don’t have to be “diverse” or “tolerant,” and not one goddamn Muslim in sight. This utopic future Christmas doesn’t mention them once. There are even Jews and Buddhists commingling with Christians, who will surely convert them with its most bitching holiday, but apparently the lynchpin of Sarah Palin’s ideal Christmas is no Muslims anywhere. Yet she bristles at the end of the chapter that universities, a.k.a. “the government,” has the nerve to teach students that The Bible has been used to justify racism, slavery and the subjugation of women. Which is what happens when you don’t say “Merry Christmas.” Kids learn facts. Real, provable facts. It’s fucking chaos.

7. WHO’D MAKE UP A STORY LIKE THAT?

… You?

The last chapter of Sarah Palin’s book is probably my favorite because it’s so completely pointless and random that there’s nothing for me to even write about. I honestly couldn’t tell you what the point of it is. There’s something about her dad getting food poisoning from canned fish and banging Todd every other Thursday – WHY?! – but barely anything that reinforces the theme of the book except a few sentences at the end where God is awesome and therefore so is his kid’s birthday by default. It’s just a bunch of bullshit strung together to get this thing past 200 pages so idiots will think it’s full of meaningful information. Which, now that I think about it, is the main theme of the book. Never mind.

Fin.

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  1. There are plenty of other sites on the internet to read useless hateful junk like these last four articles.

    I come to this site for two things
    (1) to check out pictures of hot chicks.
    (2) to check out pictures of hot chicks in bikinis.

    Keep this crap up and I’ll delete TheSuperficial from my RSS reader.

    • Don’t let the door hit you

    • Snooki's Taint

      I know it’s French, and so you probably din’t understand the word but ‘Fin’ means ‘the end’ so your threat is meaningless. Sorry, more meaningless.

    • It’s whiny, self-involved, “Cater to me or I’ll take my football and go home” posts like this that make The Superficial’s comment section the Thing of Beauty and Joy Forever that it is.

    • Like Mom in Futurama said, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out because I don’t want ass prints on my door.”

      I like how every random person that comes to a free website and doesn’t like what they see, has to announce that this isn’t what they come here for they’re leaving. As if they’re so important. Just leave. Nobody gives a shit.

    • Yup, not one fuck will be given. Have a nice day, buh bye now.

    • cc

      Don’t worry so much about it. Do what I do, Find the most recent gallery of Candice Swanepoel’s ass. It will instantly make you feel better.

    • Mama Pinkus

      it’s hilarious the things that actually do offend republicans, the trashing of this vapid fame whore being one of them

      • Funny you say that as your celebrity Messiah flushes the country down the toilet. Go back to sleep already

      • I’m curious, how exactly does one’s soul get shriveled to the point that they readily believe that access to healthcare is a luxury item that only the fortunate should be allowed to have? I must have missed the part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus spake unto the people, “Fuck off, ye poors.”

      • Actually, that was right after he cleansed the leper. I believe the actual verse was, “Go, my son, and get thee the fuck out of here and tell no one what I just did. Jerusalem ain’t no pinko/commie, liberal, socialist place where the ill and injured poor can get healed. Oh, fuck no.”

        Or something like that.

      • Dox

        I believe that was right before he said…
        “For the love of money is the root of all trickle down economics.”

        Ah yes, that whacky Christ. Union buster, “job-creator”, anything for a profit messiah, who preached that it is “Easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a poor man to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Because we built a wall around this bitch, and we don’t want your uneducated, unskilled stink in our gorgeous city of rich white folk.”

        I seriously think Jesus and God weep in their tequila every time they look down on what we have become.

  2. Bonky

    I’m a democrat and only see one use for this woman, but 4 days
    of this shit ?

    Why would you dedicate 4 days to reviewing a book nobody
    cares about ?

    Why would you do it here or all places ? I was expecting 4 days
    of tits, not 4 days of picking apart some right wing slags nonsense
    that was probably ghost written by one of her right wing friends.

    • Snooki's Taint

      What Matrim said. Also, normally, Fish and Photo Boy take a break over Thanksgiving, and post nothing. Also, there are plenty of links to tits, if you look hard enough. They are like ‘easter eggs’ or ‘holiday eggs’ if you insist.

    • The original plan was that Fish wasn’t going to post at all until Monday, so you wouldn’t have gotten your beloved tits either way. You did have the option of NOT READING until the titty posts resumed, but you decided to forfeit that right in order to come whine about it.

  3. “Why would you dedicate 4 days to reviewing a book nobody
    cares about ?”

    Because it’s entertaining?

    “Why would you do it here or all places ?”

    Because it’s his website?

  4. Notice how all the people you see asking Fish why he’s posting about Sarah Palin and threatening to leave are from people who are not regulars or have made so little contribution that nobody’s ever noticed them before?

    You have an entire internet full of tits (and so much more) at your fingertips but you come here to bitch? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.

  5. val

    I’m just surprised that Paul Walker’s death got little more than a passing mention in a post about one of the most stunned assholes on the planet. I can see wanting to complete the thing you set out to do, and maybe there’ll be a Walker post coming up next; maybe it’s better to keep all the Palin posts together in one nasty clot of delusion rather than pepper a page with the individual pieces. But at this moment, it seems . . . . well . . . . I guess just not what I would have expected. Btw, did you pay for the book? (I haven’t read the Palin posts, and won’t, so I apologize if you’ve already answered that) Anyway, it’s your blog so write whatever you choose.

  6. HardlyFatal

    “There’s something about her dad getting food poisoning from canned fish and banging Todd every other Thursday…”

    So her dad bangs Todd every other Thursday after being poisoned by canned fish? That’s oddly liberal of her, sexually speaking.

  7. JC

    So wait a minute, time-traveling Sarah Palin. Your vision of the horrible future doesn’t compute. Either you and your Tea Party ilk lose power, and all the good white people are gay-raped to death by illegal immigrants, or you succeed in officially turning the U.S. into a Christian theocracy, in which case all education will be defunded–if not made illegal–and Bristol and your bastard grandchild will have received the stoning they so richly deserve for shaming Jesus. Which is it?

  8. This woman got boned by Glen Rice!!!!

  9. I’m pretty sure I dropped that holiday/holy day knowledge here the other day. But I guess I don’t count for much if I’m not a famous astrophysicist with a million followers on Twitter. *snf*

    • Dox

      Au Contraire moonswear.
      I read, and was edumacated by your well versed post. And, it was appreciated.

      I am, however, still not following you on twitter. I don’t care how many nude, duck face photos you send me.

    • Damnit, now that I know “holiday” references the skygod, I’ll have to be offended by that now too.

  10. Posts like this justify my daily consumption of gossip porn. Make sure you get a show on HBO when Bill Maher retires.

  11. How any of the author’s “Mommy & Daddy” issues, projected onto a woman whose last public office was 5 years ago, belong on a celebrity site is beyond me.
    Oh, and thanks for insulting 50% of the country.

  12. martina

    Yet another reminder that no other American is a bigger waste of oxygen and bandwidth than Sarah Palin. Other than that, no problem.

  13. Neil deGrasse Tyson should have better stuff to do than tweet about holi/holy.

  14. derp

    Dear God please fuck off with these posts. If you have Sarah Palin issues to work out do it on your own time.

    • JPC

      I’d like to think this comment is satirizing the morons who have commented on these posts, but I’m fairly certain you’re just one of those morons.

      “Do it on your own time”….. you mean, like on his own website? One that he writes and runs?

      • derp

        Nope, it’s a post about how someone whose abilities in life only qualify them to talking about Jon Hamm’s penis should probably stick to talking about Jon Hamm’s penis.

        I come here to see who showed their vagina this weekend, so to quote Spicoli, “I’ve been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I’m here and you’re here, doesn’t that make it our time you little white knight faggot?”

      • “It’s a post about how someone whose abilities in life only qualify them to talking about Jon Hamm’s penis should probably stick to talking about Jon Hamm’s penis.”

        So what’s your occupation? Is it professional politician? Because if it isn’t, then shut the hell up about politics because people can only know one thing and that one thing is their job. That’s it. The human brain doesn’t work any other way.

      • rican

        The thing is Fish, your otherwise witty style of writing fails miserably when you use it to spew a liberal hate inside you so big that it drives you to read and comment on a book of mental masturbations from a niche writer catering to her limited fan base. Only like minded hateful libs will find that shit funny. Frankly, who gives a shit about Palin? Why so much hate? Show me cameltoes, tits and asses, keep it real.

  15. Koesterica

    This is why I am no longer a Democrat – it is an function of adolescence.

  16. ilikesake

    HEY FISH!! READ THIS!! *damn, I hope that worked*
    Before I begin, I do not like to identify with ANY political party OR religion, but have liberal thoughts now and then and I do believe in spirituality (not religion):
    So, this is what I don’t get about people that share Fish’s beliefs (soo atheists and such)…
    You say that everyone who doesn’t believe in sexual and religious diversity are all dicks (Second post I think?), but a lot of atheists are guilty of this too. What do atheists get out of putting down people who believe in a God? Or choose to believe in ANYTHING other than “you live, you die, and you rot. The end.” I notice some Americans I know make the mistake of basing their arguments on this:
    religious people = theists = conservatives = dumb.
    Yeah, I get that conservatives are pretty…um…strong minded. But so are liberals! I mean, look at you Fish. I read these posts and like you said, you’re writing this because people think EXACTLY LIKE HER. So this isn’t so much about Palin as it is about you shaking your finger at people who you think are flawed. And that may be true. But what I’m trying to understand is the fact that the obvious flaw of rejection of diversity these people suffer from is also within you and the people that think like you, too!
    And cause of that, America will always “suck” (as you put it) cause its inhabitants will NEVER get rid of segregation; that is the belief that “hey, you’re liberal/conservative?? That’s not what I am, so just go die in a ditch”.
    If I’ve made a bad assumption, so be it. But it’s an assumption I’ve come to notice so many times, that I can’t help but believe it to be true.

    • JC

      At the risk of white knighting for Fish, I think you’ve made an awful lot of assumptions. You equate rejecting Sarah Palin and the people who think exactly like her with rejecting diversity, but that’s just not true. If Sarah Palin practiced the Christian faith based on actual Christian principles, i.e., all that socialist “love everyone” Jesus-hippie crap, then I suspect far fewer people would take offense. The fact that she uses her “religion” as a self-serving and hypocritical way of judging the shit out of everybody who doesn’t believe exactly as she believes–even though SHE doesn’t even believe what she believes–is what’s being rejected. That’s not rejecting diversity by rejecting a good, honest Christian (donchaknow). That’s rejecting assholes and people who eat up their asshole-ishness. Saying “you must respect my (Palin’s) views or you’re rejecting diversity!” is just bullshit, because nobody’s persecuting Palin because of her religion, as much as she’d like to think so. They’re rejecting her for being a morally bankrupt idiot, filled with ideas of rejecting the beliefs of anyone not like her.

      • rican

        All politicians are morally bankrupt, but this bitch gets a ton more hate than her peers.

      • ilikesake

        OK, I’m gonna be honest and say I’m not very interested in Palin; that means what she says, what she writes, how she behaves. She’s just another civilian to me. BUT I used her as an example here because she just happens to be the one at the top of this page and a theist.
        And I’ll say I don’t believe that most atheists would accept people who believe, as you put “all that socialist “love everyone” Jesus-hippie crap”? Just like I don’t believe extremely religious people are able to sit still without striking up a conversation related to their practice. (Assumptions are gonna be made because neither you nor I know everyone we speak of).
        But this the reason for my post. Again, this isn’t so much about Palin, its about why society in general seems to dislike the fact that people will never all think exactly the same way. And, yes, if you always judge everyone who thinks, looks and believes differently than you, you are in some form rejecting their diversity. Like it or not.
        At the same time, doesn’t mean I think it’s OK to not try to change negatives into positives (ie future Palins world of diversity?).
        I do get why Fish attacks Palin as an individual. Trust me, I get it.

      • Dox

        Believe it or not Ili, I don’t disagree with you. But a lie, is a lie. Period. Its not diversity to flat out rewrite history with some bullshit made up to support whatever viewpoint a person decided was amusing to them at the time.

        At this point in American history we have these… fact factories, if you will. They come in whatever flavor you want, they spew forth whatever bullshit makes you happiest, and its diversity. Its bullshit.

        I hate bullshit. Furthermore, I have reducing amounts of respect for people that defend bullshit as truth.

        So no, two people telling me the same story with completely differing viewpoints is not diversity. Its bullshit. One or the other is full of shit, or they both are.

        Facts don’t have diversity.

      • I kind of want to gay-marry Dox in an atheist anarchy-themed wedding right now.

  17. Just one atheists opinion here, but I honestly don’t give a crap about anyone wishing me Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, uh Chipper (?) Hanuckah (I know it’s wrong) or anything else. I’m never offended by someone telling me to have a nice day, however it’s phrased. For one month, people are pleasant and polite to each other. I don’t care why anymore.

    • JC

      As a person raised-Christian-but-now-atheist, I don’t think it’s really about us. The reason this is a (non-)issue isn’t because non-Christians get riled up because someone wishes us a happy religious holiday that isn’t ours (I’m sure some do, but I’d guess the majority are like us and just don’t give a shit), but rather the Christians who get all bullshit about receiving a non-denominational greeting, because it “goes against America and Jesus and is like getting raped by Satan” or whatever, when in reality it’s the same reason most stores don’t play experimental extreme death metal over their speakers–businesses don’t want to alienate customers based on the preferences of just one portion of their customer base.

    • As long as I get my two stat holidays in December (I’m Canadian, we get Boxing Day), I don’t give a shit what is being celebrated.

    • I have never in my life had someone get offended because I said, “Merry Christmas.” I *have*, however, seen people get huffy because I said “Happy Holidays.” I suspect the “War on Christmas” is actually “The War to Hoard Christmas for Conservative Use Only.”

  18. John Mcain

    I take it you don’t like Sarah Palin. 2008 was along time ago. Let it go man, let it go.

    • Dox

      2 things:

      1) If you were attempting to emulate Senator John Mccain, you left a “C” out. Which is both comical and sad.

      2) As soon as Palin fades quietly into the woodwork and stops being a “celebrity” she can stop being talked about.

      Amazing, that a B list celebrity would be mocked on a celebrity site.

  19. BigEd

    The Superficial, part of Celebuzz, is a member of Spin Entertainment, a division of SPINMEDIA.

    That should let you know where all this came from.

    As well as the “Knights of the Blog Realm” rushing to defend their hate of Palin who has nothing to do with ANYTHING.

    Attack all women or blacks who think conservatively or your bullshit argument doesn’t work! Nice work for a c-level tit site. Vote Kardashian!

    • Dox

      I’m seriously bored, so you get my novel for the day. As it just so happens, your post reeks of the ever sweet scents of bullshit, which attracts me like honey attracts a perky nipple.

      KNIGHTS OF THE BLOG REALM, UNITE! (Uknight? U Knight? hmmmm…)

      Lets begin with this little nugget of bullshittery right here.
      -”As well as the “Knights of the Blog Realm” rushing to defend their hate of Palin who has nothing to do with ANYTHING.”

      Pursuant to the Knights of the Blog Realm Handbook, section c, subjection 7, paragraph 76:

      KOBR is a non hate group. Simply put, we do not tolerate bullshit. When a celebrity places themselves upon the Altar of public consumption by writing a book, song, play, or other form of communication, said works shall be unerringly mocked if they be full of easily debunked, flat out lies. Your little social butterfly, Palin, chose to write a book (although write is probably a strong word.), she chose to court the public, she chose to be a celebrity, and she chose to fill her book with complete and utter bullshit that is easily disproved provided you have an education level above First Grade, and have a picked up a history book… ever.

      2) ATTACK, I SAY! ATTACK!

      Right. Attack conservative women, and blacks. Because that’s exactly what we are doing here. Attacking conservative people. Actually, KOBR like conservative people. We enjoy conservatives that believe in something differing from our own opinions… but only when they have some actual grounding in reality. Same with Liberals. Bullshit mountain comes in more than one flavor, and each is equally repugnant to a KOBR(a). (I knew I shouldn’t have watched Karate Kid tonight.)

      You see, the entire basis for the scathing review, and following comments is based off of a complete disconnect from reality. The ideas, and thoughts found within Palin’s book are based off of her desire to rewrite history as she sees fit. Furthermore, her simplistic desire to take any diversification idea to its absurd extreme is not only dangerous, disingenuous, and incorrect, its a sad statement about how little she respect she has for the vast majority of her countrymen who simply want to live in peace with one another.

      You see, the vast majority of us aren’t protesting funerals. That’s Christians. The vast majority of us aren’t telling people they don’t deserve equal protection under the law. That’s Christians. You see where this trend leads? You profess love for all mankind. Unless they are gay. Then they are abominations or freaks. Unless they are Muslim, and then they are all savages that are hell bent on destroying anyone not themselves. Unless they are blacks or poor, and then all they want is a free ride at your expense. That’s all conservative from the Conservative Christian right. Which is not representative of conservatives at all. Just you small group of individuals that are never happy unless you have an enemy to wipe out.

      You see, the vast majority of us don’t mind if you sing Christmas carols. We like music. We don’t mind if you want to put up a nativity scene. That’s not the issue. Its when you want to force the rest of us to bow to your idea’s that we have a problem. Especially when your idea’s aren’t even really yours. But idea’s that you….”Borrowed” from other cultures and religions.

      Very few people hate God. I like God. Love him even. Not overly fond of his people though. Never met an Atheist that hated God either… most of em just aren’t overly fond of having a religion of any sort shoved down their throat.

      So yeah, Palin gets called on her bullshit Christmas book. And if Obama writes one, you can bet I’ll happily slaughter any lies, and flat out bullshit he puts in it. However, KOBR does not deal in what if’s. We deal in, “What’s out.” And Palin’s book is out. So the clarion call to Sanity has rung across the internet. Deal with it.

      Finally….
      -3) “Vote Kardashian”
      This is where I can pretty much guess you aren’t a regular on this site. Because the truth is, the vast majority of us here despise the Kardashians and all they stand for. Except of course Don, who finds beauty in the oddest of places. But neither here nor there.

      You’ve just been Novella’d by the KOBR.
      Merry Christmas.

  20. Hugh G. Rection

    The only time I want to see Sarah Palin on this site is if she flashes her cooch coming out of a car.

  21. Deacon Jones

    I can’t believe they cut Herschel’s head off!!

  22. Oprah Sucks

    Nothin’ like some post Thanksgiving turkey neck and claws, fish. Common Tawd, show us your wrinkly giblets!

  23. nikki

    I loved this. Every minute of it. I wish this actually happened more often. Hilarious.

  24. I like this….
    “u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms”

  25. I don’t care what anyone else says. These have been the 4 best posts ever on your site. But, if you had added in just a little more side-boob, they would have been THAT much better.

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