Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhaal ‘drifting apart’ (NO! DAMN YOU, FATE!!)

October 3rd, 2008 // 40 Comments

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal’s oatmeal-esque relationship is hitting the rocks. While Jake is tied up filming the adaptation of the Prince of Persia video game, the long distance relationship isn’t going well with Reese who should, seriously, try to work things out. I mean, it’s not everyday you find a soulmate who shares your ability to bore someone to death during sex. That’s a special bond, my friends. Star reports:

“This is his first epic, and his mind is on his work,” a pal of Reese’s tells Star. “They talk on the phone and e-mail, but he’s not ‘there.’ Reese is wondering if this is how it’s going to be between them every time he’s out of the country filming.”
The relationship hit such a rough patch that Reese, 32, flew to London for a quick rendezvous with Jake, 27, at The Dorchester hotel in mid-September.
“They really needed to reconnect and remember why they were in a relationship in the first place,” says another source.

It looks like Jake Gyllenhaal’s success is putting a wet blanket on his love life – which was already a wet blanket. So I’m assuming that’s bad or something, I dunno. I don’t do laundry.

Photo: WENN
superficial

  1. JACK MEHOFF

    F
    I
    R
    S
    T

  2. SurroundedByFools

    Looks like Mehoff is a jerk off who thinks he’s FIRST. Born loser…..

  3. John McCain

    You mean he’s not gay? Brokeback mountian lied to me.

  4. Mike Literis

    Reese when he made you dress as a cowboy with a strap on it should of been a clue.

  5. Randal

    A heart needs to be kept warm and Reese is doing all that she can do show her devotion to her soul mate Jake. What Jake needs is a good hit on the head to make him realize what a wonderful woman Reese is and how much she cares for him.

    Making it big in movies won’t be worth anything when your heart is cold, Jake.

    Randal

  6. Maybe he’s taking a break from bumping his head on her forehead….

  7. havoc

    Maybe she could hook up with Kate Hudson.
    She’ll fuck anybody…..

    .

  8. Blah

    This new writer is terrible. Goodbye Superficial.

  9. Erica

    “McCain told supporters at a town-hall meeting in Pueblo, Colo.: “You know, I almost felt a little sorry last night for my old friend Joe Biden. She did a magnificent job.” The GOP’s presidential nominee drew cheers when he declared, “Viva la Barracuda!”"

    Jesus Christ Allmighty, John, I thought you were the unbreakable dude with the gigantic cajones. Stop trying so pathetically to please her admirers. You’re the ugly friend that they’re NOT going to sleep with.

  10. Deacon Jones

    “He’s not there”
    Translation – He’s watching hotel pron while absent mindedly listening to her cackling every night

    “Flew to London for a quick redezvous”
    Translation – She’s fucking psycho and tore his hotel room apart looking for an english whore

  11. wundersmack

    Jake: call me

  12. 2for2true

    Funny…this photo looks like it was taken at a Tom Waits look-alike contest….

  13. I always thought Reese should get together with Uri Geller.
    He apparently calls out her last name during his act all the time…

  14. @7 LMFAO! That was great. (Still laughing)

  15. #5 Way too funny!

    Randal, you always know what to say.

  16. I would do nasty things to that man. If Reese doesn’t want him, I’ll take him! Even if she does, I’d still take him.

  17. Andrio

    #10 – I went to a McCain event. There was a lot of excitement at the beginning, then Palin was introduced (whoop whoop whoop!), then she spoke for a relatively short time (whoop whoop whoop! throughout), then McCain takes the stage and talks about Palin a little bit (whoop whoop whoop!), then says, “My friends…” and begins the actual McCain speech. Energy fades, fidgeting starts, some people leave as quietly as they can. I don’t know if Palin had charism or just novelty, but for sure McCain was two scoops of vanilla. Not bad, but…what else do you have?

  18. Phony and Fake

    I’m not optimistic.

    I think this boring fauxmance will go on and on.

    Poor Jakey, Reese is the worst beard on the planet.

  19. What’s the differance between obama and Palin?

    One is all eye-candy and dumb as a rock

    The other knows how to shoot and skin a moose.

  20. Witherdbaals

    Please God tell me that these rumours of trouble in “paradise” signal the beginning of the orchestrated death throes of this hideous bearding exercise! And if you had to have a beard Jake,love,why that phoney fame whore??! Be your own man Jake and be happy :-)

  21. Of course he’s “not there”. When has he ever ‘been there’? Talking to him, is like talking to a plank of wood. Come to think of it, Reese would be better off dumping him for a plank of wood. At least the relationship won’t be long-distance anymore, and she’ll get some better conversation, and have someone more on par with her intelligence.

  22. WHAAA

    SNIFF Life is so hard

  23. jess

    They make a weird couple. I can’t see it lasting.

  24. Tony

    Reese and Jake are NOT a couple. Oh wait, yes, they are a fauxmance couple.

  25. Albatross

    He can bore me any day of the week. Come to me, Jakey – come to meee!

  26. Freddo

    Didn’t he fuck Heath Ledger??

    p.s. #2…please pay close attention to #3.

  27. Gerald_Tarrant

    I’m down for being Reese’s rebound guy. She’s seriously hot and when I met her a few years back was an extremely nice person, we were filming on adjacent sets and she was walking her dog. Very down to earth.

    Jake can get over Reese by being ‘audited’ for Scientology by Tom Cruise, who does in fact LTC. That way Tom and Jake can share horror stories that end in “then she showed me her vagina, ewwwwwwwwww.”

  28. at last: SHE WANTS A REAL MAN, folks!!

  29. John McCain

    I need to get something off the top shelf. Where the hell is Palin.

  30. Reese is pathetic

    Jake can’t wait to get rid of the ugly beard !

    Reese The Chin Witherspoon is annoying and fake-nice person, real b!tch.

  31. Sarah Palin

    Let us pray that our brave troops stay safe while doing Gods work. Amen!

    (applause)

    Furthermore…

    (applause)

    After I’m elected I will, in addition to my VP duties, head the new National Faith Based Electorate Institute to ensure that future candidates are truly Christian men and women seeking to advance Christianity in the form of new initiatives such as Crusades and Inquisitions. After all, only REAL Christians should be armed across the planet. We willl ensure that the entire planet believes in Christianity, ushering in the end times!

    (long applause)

    Vote McCain (Palin)

    Amen!

    (Amen!)

  32. ishi-san

    “our brave troops stay safe while doing Gods work” …. Oh my god!!!! So going and killing innocent people just because you want to have more oil is doing gods work!? AMEN to that than!

  33. I read elsewhere that she’s very jealous acting while he’s on the set. Not a good way to build trust!

  34. Rant

    Only 35 comments all weekend, I guess nobody cares about these two.

  35. Spanky

    I would eat her until her eyes bled.

  36. Goober

    “Rendition” stinks in all formats.

  37. I would eat her until her eyes bled

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