Reese Witherspoon gets other people assaulted

rwitherspoon_assault.jpgA photographer trying to take pictures of Reese Witherspoon and her kids at Disneyland’s California Adventure was cited for assault when he pushed two employees. According to the police sergeant, “It did not become an issue until he got close to the group and became aggressive, frightening members of the party.” An employee accompanying Reese and her kids tried to get them away from the photographer but he “pushed her with his entire body, not just once but numerous times.”

When I picture assault I usually picture fists or bats or flying dinnerware, not pushing people with your body. I’m not even sure what “pushed her with his entire body” even means. Apparently every inch of him was on her, which leads me to believe that he wasn’t assaulting her, he was trying to pick her up in the creepiest way possible. You know how in clubs when you spot this really hot chick and then you remove all your clothes and start rubbing up against her inappropriately while moaning and saying things like, “Yeah, baby. Dance with the underwear king.” Well that’s what he was doing. Only with a camera. And fully dressed.