Reese Witherspoon Has A Secret Tattoo Above Her Hooch

July 6th, 2011 // 67 Comments

At first glance, and Kevin Smith anecdotes aside, Reese Witherspoon seems like a quiet, almost vanilla celebrity who goes to church every Sunday which explains her penchant for the occasional judging or two. So, imagine my surprise to find out she has a secret tattoo above her hooch. Granted, you can’t really tell what it is, I think we all know they’re the wings of Lucifer enticing perverts and blasphemers into her filth hole for fornication. But that’s not why I brought you here. — Oh, right, the headline. How does someone who jogs every single day have the worst case of mom ass I’ve ever seen in my life? No wonder Ryan Phillippe left. You can only play naughty PTA meeting so many times before you want to touch an actual butt cheek. That’s how you get get a star!

Photos: AKM Images/Flynet, Fame, INFdaily


  1. perhaps it’s something writtin in chin-ese

  2. Steelerchick

    The tattoo says “to turn on insert coin here”

  3. Robert Plant

    Big̶ l̶e̶g̶ chin woman ain’t got no soul.

  4. Rough was not in Malibu over the weekend

    It looks stupid. She shoulve cover her whole arm with flower things….

  5. Angus

    Meh…it’s just something big and dark to cover her gunt.

  6. Wesly Trent- Wainright

    I don’t think it says”Slippery when Wet”

  7. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s getting a little chunkie.

    • I have never thought she was hot. There was that one movie “man in the moon” where she looked like she’d end up being “CUTE” at best but never thought she was hot. In “Walk the Line” she looked her best but still…she is loved for her great acting not her great looks.

  8. dork

    she looks good for a 50 year old

  9. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Starting to get that cottage cheese sag. She’s not that good looking anyway… she has a quarter moon face & now with cheese!

    • tank

      she is not 20 anymore. sure there are exceptions of gifted women who have youtthful figures as they get older but the reality is after 30 and kids this happens to women

      • milf

        Sorry, but I call bullshit. I am 31 with 2 kids, and I can still rock a bikini. (Which means I don’t have a huge or flat ass, a big belly, stretch marks all over my stomach or saggy boobs). It’s in the genes. She has a flat “white girl” ass. It would look like that kids or no kids. Poor thing!

      • tank

        if you would have read what was written…….. I STATED THAT THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!!! You can call bullshit all you want. Look around and open your eyes.
        BTW her ass would look better if she had no kids and yours probably would too. Dont kid yourself, having kids changes a womens body.

      • milf

        It’s “woman’s”, not “women’s” dumbass! I’m sure you are such an expert on the female form.

      • Nina

        Anyone who refers to themselves as a “Milf”, isn’t. Facts is facts.

  10. Facebook Me

    Good Christ Reese! Try Pilates to tone that ass up.

  11. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a diaper bikini?

  12. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    The tatoo is there, so you can tell where her lilly white skin ends and her diaper bikini begins.

  13. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    baron of all media
    Commented on this photo:

    You know, with an ass like that, there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for her shirt to have so many wrinkles.

  14. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    S'up Bitches!
    Commented on this photo:

    Fat chicks to come on this site and defend this whale in 5, 4, 3…..

  15. Go Galt

    How lame — it looks like one of these peace doves. The bird is facing down to the viewer’s right, and you can see the bird’s right wing and tail.

  16. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Fun fact: drop her in icy water and her teeth chattering will turn her chin into a tattoo needle

  17. what is it with these celebrity women and letting themselves go to shit? their only job in life is to look good. they don’t have to wake up and get the kids ready for school or make dinners or shop or go to work or anything else that the “normals” have to do. they live an over privileged life where full blown retards put them on alters and worship their “celebrity”. you would think the least they could do is put down the Snickers cake once and awhile and hit the gym for a couple of hours.

    and while I am on my soap box…..trim the damn pubes more than once a quarter. she looks like she is sporting a full bush down there. that or she has one HUGE mangled mess she calls a vagina.

  18. When are Hayden Panitierre and she going to get together and do some Sapphic midget porn?

  19. Awe come on

    If I want to see some mom ass strutting around in skimpy women’s wear I could go to Walmart on Saturday night.

    I DON’T EXPECT TO HAVE TO ENDURE IT HERE. Even though I’m not paying for shit here I’m still the damn customer…so show hotties not notties.

    As for Reese, the reason Ryan left her is that her vag is so hollowed out he gets more feeling from screwing a jar of jelly…that why he left…not her flabby ass.

  20. vitobonespur

    I’d still put a hicky on that ass!

  21. Issac Gascoyne

    It says “Closed for Remodeling ‘

  22. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    The tattoo (or tattoos) looks like two swallows facing one another. Swallow tattoos signify loyalty, right? That or she’s an old, grizzled sailor who’s afraid her soul will be lost if she drowns…either way, she’s a titless Monet who can chisel granite with her chin.

  23. See Alice

    Her ass and thighs look like melted ice cream .

  24. Annie

    They are obviously two sparrows/swallows. Probably holding a banner up or some shit. I have one on my shoulder I can recognize the winged tails

    Maybe I am wrong…

  25. Turd Ferguson

    Her chin has been blocking the Tat and the sun for years and she is just now turning to the side to allow us a quick peek.

  26. i bet that chin would feel really nice up against my taint.

  27. The Lord Almighty

    Another in-duh-vidual

  28. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I think that’s mold.

  29. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I heard Jake Gyllenhaal hooked up with Paris Hilton… And look, he got some of it on Reese Witherspoon!!

  30. Issac Gascoyne

    “This Property is Condemned!”

    ” No Entry Allowed !”

  31. cc

    The Mayans were certainly an intriguing people but Reese’s parents got a little carried away with it all.

  32. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s two sparrows.

  33. Venom

    She needs to call Kim’s ass doctor ASAP.

  34. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    bob from oakland
    Commented on this photo:

    I think it’s a pair of diving swallows… a pretty common tattoo. when they are paired up in the same area, they are usually holding a ribbon or banner in their beaks. Yes, the ribbon or banner often has words on it. I’d go with “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here”

  35. Veronica

    I don’t want to look at Reese’s pieces.

  36. the captain

    this is the signal: SHE IS TURNING INTO AN AGED PERSON, folks!!

  37. upskrt celebs

    The tattoo says my name. Of course.

  38. Manowl

    Sorry to deviate from the main topic of Reese’s flabby wall of lamentations, but where was the Kevin Smith link supposed to point at? I just get the main site of his podcast emporium, not a specific post. I recall they had some sort of nasty “he said-she said” sissy fight, but would like to read about the specifics once again.

  39. Mehhhhh

    It’s a tummy-tuck scar temporary tattoo. Apparently, it takes a while for the scar to fade and they sell these things to cover it up.

  40. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She has NASITALL. Short for no ass at all. Almost looks like its going in, instead of out

  41. wait, I thought a ladypurse was called a “cooch,” while “hooch” is just used to describe illicit alcohol and acting French bulldogs. SILLY FUCKIN ME

  42. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    There is NOTHING attractive about that ass… that is all.

  43. InTheIndustry

    It reads…

    Flip me over so my chin wont cut you

  44. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Spank and eat.

  45. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m going to go with the assumption it’s a colony of earwigs.

  46. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Stan the Man, no one can
    Commented on this photo:

    Eh, I don’t like doggy style anyway…

  47. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re gonna *have* to shave that.

  48. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Two words dear: Brazilian. Wax.

  49. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Dr Ha-Ha
    Commented on this photo:

    She has very nice calves, but her good genes obviously couldn’t defy gravity any longer by the time they reached her knees.

  50. Reese Witherspoon Tattoo Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    order an kelly moore bag for less

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