Reese Witherspoon’s Pregnant Exactly Like I Called It A Year Ago. SUCK IT!

March 21st, 2012 // 26 Comments
She Gave Us A Clue
Reese Witherspoon
I Could See It In Her Breasts Read More »

Back in July, I began speculating that Reese Witherspoon is pregnant, and pretty much kept at it with occasional pauses to point out she had an abortion because the fetus lacked a strong enough dagger-chin to crack free of its shell after birth, only to pick things back up again like a master detective who knows that puffy coats equal babies. Long story short, Us Weekly is reporting Reese is three months pregnant which I think we can all agree proves I was right every step of the way except for that abortion stuff which was clearly a clever ruse to throw me off the scent. Well not today, Chin-finger!

“Reese is right around 12 weeks,” one source explains, adding that the This Means War star is “not planning to announce it.”
The baby-to-be will join older siblings Ava, 12, and Deacon, 8, Witherspoon’s kids with first husband Ryan Phillippe, from whom she split in 2006 after 7 years of marriage. Pals of Witherspoon and high-powered CAA agent Toth, 41, aren’t shocked by the happy news. “Reese and Jim have been trying to get pregnant,” one pal says.

I love the smell of victory-placenta in the morning.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, GSI Media


  1. Wil Ferrel II

    You’re powers are undeniable.

  2. stacy

    ok. It’s going to rain. Now i have 1 year to wait for it to rain so I can say I was right. What a pathetic article writer.

  3. tits mcgee

    Who cares, though?

  4. Roman

    How many more kids does this chick plan to shit out? SMDH…

  5. EricLr

    Somewhere there is an African baby who just got his hopes dashed.

  6. Joaquin ingles

    Aw yeah. She’s really gonna look awesome on the beach now.

    • Don’t get me wrong, I think “The Chin” is an attractive woman. However, when I go to the beach she would be one of the last things I’d be oogling over.

  7. Fish — you are brilliant. (rolls eyes ;-) )

  8. Dungeon Master

    French fried pertaters, mm hmm. mm hmm.

  9. Cowboys and Aliens Two: The Search For Ticket Sales

    Oliva Wilde is pregnant.

  10. Sliver

    Eventually, her and her new husband were of course going to have another kid. At some point, you’d have to be right.

  11. LindsayLohan

    I love this BITCH!!!!!!!! Fuck all of you.

  12. There’s still that Olivia Wilde pregnancy rumor out there
    [img]’s Tronny-1-340_255.jpg[/img]

  13. It's the kimkim, bitches

    Isn’t she too old for this shit?

  14. She strikes me as the type that wants to shit out a baby for anybody that put his dick inside her.

  15. Wardbock Smartfella
    Commented on this photo:

    Those boots are fucking horrible she should burn them with gasoline. She should chop up those boots, burn them and dump the ashes all over the person that told her those boots looked good. Her jeans are terrible too, what the fuck is going on with this nitwit. You don’t need to be fashionable but at least avoid looking like a homeless person.
    Bitch before you try and tell me you don’t look like a homeless person take your rich busted ass to Madison Avenue and see all the homeless people wearing those horrible boots for your God dammed self.
    The shoulders on that jacket don’t even fit your frame. Listen you twat, you can afford to buy tailored clothing educate yourself on the matter. You are no longer JC Penny off the rack trailer trash. You have millions of dollars and are supposed to be leading this fucking economy out of the shithole that it is in by inspiring people to be better. Stop dressing like the bag lady who everyone throws hot dogs at.
    I can tell you have a pair of bullshit flats that match those fucking horrible boots, you can burn those too.

    • Wardbock Smartfella

      Lose the snarky smile and the shitty attitude before you exit your fucking house. Nobody gives a damn what your fucking problem is, and those fucking sunglasses are the mother of all coffin nails. Pink phone having mother fucker, those God damn bangs aren’t fooling anyone Fivehead. Have a nice day Shit-Ass.

  16. Chuck

    Now is the sun going to rise tomorrow?

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