So Reese Witherspoon Isn’t Pregnant

But her sister is! /chunk

Last month I made Reese Witherspoon’s uterus my beat and was determined to prove she had a baby in there to the point where I was getting estimates on portable ultrasounds and chloroform. Anyway, here she is jogging – Probably because she starts each day with The Superficial like all of Hollywood. Mornin’, Chins. – and no longer trying to hide her stomach with giant purses. While the knee-jerk reaction is I was wrong, I think it’s obvious Reese Witherspoon got an abortion like most religious women trying to start a family with their brand-new husbands. Otherwise, why else would I have spent all that time thinking she’s pregnant? I don’t just go around looking at celebrities retaining water and start saying they’re knocked up. How dare you?

Photo: Flynet, Splash News