If you haven’t heard by now, Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car while jogging in Santa Monica yesterday except she’s completely fine and if I’m reading this correctly, she was just bumped by an elderly woman in the crosswalk. Or HANGING ON BY A THREAD which is what I probably should’ve written in the headline. People reports:
The driver, an 84-year-old woman, was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk, say reports.
Explaining that she was not seriously injured, the rep says Witherspoon is “resting comfortably at home.”
I love how this story confirms several pet theories of mine:
1. The elderly are death behind the wheel.
2. Women are death behind the wheel.
3. Elderly women are SUPER-DEATH behind the wheel.
4. Women can cause accidents without even being in a car.
The only thing missing is Reese spearing salmon out of a stream with her chin and feeding it to her children, but we’ll catch her doing it soon though. We’ll catch her soon.