If you haven’t heard by now, Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car while jogging in Santa Monica yesterday except she’s completely fine and if I’m reading this correctly, she was just bumped by an elderly woman in the crosswalk. Or HANGING ON BY A THREAD which is what I probably should’ve written in the headline. People reports:
The driver, an 84-year-old woman, was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk, say reports.
Explaining that she was not seriously injured, the rep says Witherspoon is “resting comfortably at home.”
I love how this story confirms several pet theories of mine:
1. The elderly are death behind the wheel.
2. Women are death behind the wheel.
3. Elderly women are SUPER-DEATH behind the wheel.
4. Women can cause accidents without even being in a car.
The only thing missing is Reese spearing salmon out of a stream with her chin and feeding it to her children, but we’ll catch her doing it soon though. We’ll catch her soon.
Photo: Flynet, Splash News
That explains the dimples and ripples in her legs….
She is always shown with work out clothes on but her body looks like she NEVER works out.
when did she become to hot?
Ill be the PR for the old lady.
Sound to me America’s sweetheart is in support of the death panels.
Old lady is revealed as Kathy Kardashian, the grandmother.
Yup, I bang her too
Did she use her chin to blunt the force of the car’s inertia and momentum ?
I was hoping that she was hit hard enough that some of her muffin top would fall off. I guess that is wishful thinking.
She was probably texting and didn’t pay attention !
Her fat belly kept her from moving quickly enough.
“Who’s America’s REAL sweetheart, bitch!” was all that was heard as Sandra Bullock sped away.
“Hello 9-11? There’s a seedy looking Mexican stalking me.”
Way to take one on the chin, Reese.
(One too many times…)
lol a buddy of mine was hit by a car in the rain yesterday. luckily nothing broken but hey he got a ton of percocets out of it :P
You should’ve written “should’ve written”.
I hope the car is OK.
With a chin like that, we should be more worried about what happened to the car.
This confirms to me that she’s preggers. She probably got tapped and went to get an ultrasound make sure everything was okay.
So an elderly woman bumps a 30 year old actress with a car and it’s a crime, yet a coked out alcoholic hits a 6 month old baby with a car on video and it’s no crime? Gotta love Hollywood Justice.
I always think of THIS guy when I see her:
http://media.skateboard.com.au/forum/images/mac%20tonight.png
They probably needed the jaws of life to get the old lady out of her car after running into the Chin of Death.
There is always a beret wearing hipster in the background that has to stop mid-count of her early morning tips from selling overpriced “nutrition water”
and quietly say to herself….”that f’ing chin is HUGE!”
it’s OK, that gut probably absorbed all the force of the crash.
Look, we’re all in favor of running down celebrities like stray dogs in the street…but Reese Witherspoon? She’s like #57 on the list. If we don’t START with the Kardashians and Tila Tequila’s, this just isn’t going to be productive.
You know how much damage Kim’s ass would do to my truck? NOT worth it brother.
I saw a car that hit a moose once, it was pretty horrific.
I imagine a highway speed collision with a Kardashian sized ass would be met with cries of “oh the humanity”, and have monuments erected in order that we never forget that day of infamy.
Seriously though, as both a jogger and a driver, crosswalks are called crossWALKS for a reason…if you RUN into one, cars are not going to see you coming. Having had right of way is small comfort for a shattered femur.
And old people have no peripheral vision.
her but looks great…..
Did you all hear about the celebrity who was injured by someone while jogging today? Reese..uhhh…Reese…..
Witherspoon?
No, WITH A CAR!
Thank you and God bless. Try the veal.
What is that guy looking at in disgust?
Skidmarks would be my guess
i want people to photoshop that hipster into many things. Somebody make this happen.
Hope the baby in her belly is OK!
Her butt looks flat…
She is hot . Two words “FEAR”.
She has ALWAYS been hot!!
That “spearing out salmon with her chin” comment had me laughing out loud -a very rare occurence, usually it’s just a smile or a snicker! So, thank you Mr. Superficial.
I second that. There are many lols contained in this post.