Reese Witherspoon Got Hit by a Car

September 8th, 2011 // 39 Comments

If you haven’t heard by now, Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car while jogging in Santa Monica yesterday except she’s completely fine and if I’m reading this correctly, she was just bumped by an elderly woman in the crosswalk. Or HANGING ON BY A THREAD which is what I probably should’ve written in the headline. People reports:

The driver, an 84-year-old woman, was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk, say reports.
Explaining that she was not seriously injured, the rep says Witherspoon is “resting comfortably at home.”

I love how this story confirms several pet theories of mine:

1. The elderly are death behind the wheel.
2. Women are death behind the wheel.
3. Elderly women are SUPER-DEATH behind the wheel.
4. Women can cause accidents without even being in a car.

The only thing missing is Reese spearing salmon out of a stream with her chin and feeding it to her children, but we’ll catch her doing it soon though. We’ll catch her soon.

Photo: Flynet, Splash News


  1. That explains the dimples and ripples in her legs….

  2. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    when did she become to hot?

  3. Let rough's conscious be your guide

    Ill be the PR for the old lady.

    Sound to me America’s sweetheart is in support of the death panels.

  4. Honest Abe

    Yup, I bang her too

  5. Troubled Teen

    Did she use her chin to blunt the force of the car’s inertia and momentum ?

  6. Concerned Adult

    She was probably texting and didn’t pay attention !

  7. Ted

    Her fat belly kept her from moving quickly enough.

  8. “Who’s America’s REAL sweetheart, bitch!” was all that was heard as Sandra Bullock sped away.

  9. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hello 9-11? There’s a seedy looking Mexican stalking me.”

  10. Sport

    Way to take one on the chin, Reese.

    (One too many times…)

  11. catapostrophe

    You should’ve written “should’ve written”.

  12. katy perry's swollen anus

    I hope the car is OK.

  13. bah

    This confirms to me that she’s preggers. She probably got tapped and went to get an ultrasound make sure everything was okay.

  14. Really?

    So an elderly woman bumps a 30 year old actress with a car and it’s a crime, yet a coked out alcoholic hits a 6 month old baby with a car on video and it’s no crime? Gotta love Hollywood Justice.

  15. RoboZombie

    I always think of THIS guy when I see her:

  16. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    They probably needed the jaws of life to get the old lady out of her car after running into the Chin of Death.

  17. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    There is always a beret wearing hipster in the background that has to stop mid-count of her early morning tips from selling overpriced “nutrition water”
    and quietly say to herself….”that f’ing chin is HUGE!”

  18. Venom

    it’s OK, that gut probably absorbed all the force of the crash.

  19. Look, we’re all in favor of running down celebrities like stray dogs in the street…but Reese Witherspoon? She’s like #57 on the list. If we don’t START with the Kardashians and Tila Tequila’s, this just isn’t going to be productive.

    • RoboZombie

      You know how much damage Kim’s ass would do to my truck? NOT worth it brother.

      • I saw a car that hit a moose once, it was pretty horrific.

        I imagine a highway speed collision with a Kardashian sized ass would be met with cries of “oh the humanity”, and have monuments erected in order that we never forget that day of infamy.

  20. Seriously though, as both a jogger and a driver, crosswalks are called crossWALKS for a reason…if you RUN into one, cars are not going to see you coming. Having had right of way is small comfort for a shattered femur.

  21. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    her but looks great…..

  22. Dave R.

    Did you all hear about the celebrity who was injured by someone while jogging today? Reese..uhhh…Reese…..


    No, WITH A CAR!

    Thank you and God bless. Try the veal.

  23. Maeby

    What is that guy looking at in disgust?

  24. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    i want people to photoshop that hipster into many things. Somebody make this happen.

  25. edamame

    Hope the baby in her belly is OK!

  26. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Commented on this photo:

    Her butt looks flat…

  27. Cock Dr

    She is hot . Two words “FEAR”.

  28. Reese Witherspoon Jogging Accident
    Ben Dover
    Commented on this photo:

    She has ALWAYS been hot!!

  29. Delphi

    That “spearing out salmon with her chin” comment had me laughing out loud -a very rare occurence, usually it’s just a smile or a snicker! So, thank you Mr. Superficial.

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