Reese Witherspoon Got Married

Because her last one to Ryan Phillippe worked out awesome, Reese Witherspoon married her agent/boyfriend Jim Toth this weekend. Although, in her defense, he’s a balding, unattractive 40-year-old, so the chances of straying are slim. On that note, let’s find out how Jake Gyllenhaal spent the day coping with not being a passive enough doormat. Us Magazine reports:

Gyllenhaal, 30, and a group of friends (including Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine) spent the evening at the Spare Room in L.A. bowling and drinking Red Stripe beer.
“They looked really into it and seemed really relaxed,” a witness tells “As the game progressed, the guys started high-fiving each other; at one point Jake did what looked like a little dance after bowling a spare.”

*writes “Anal” next to Jake Gyllenhaal* Fascinating, fascinating. And Ryan Phillippe?

His companions: on-again girlfriend Amanda Seyfried and two pooches! Seyfried, 25, took her dog Finn, while Phillippe, 36, brought along his daughter Ava’s German Shepherd puppy. The foursome were spotted taking a jog near their $1,200-a-night cottage (which featured a private deck with a sunken bath tub and outdoor rain shower — plus a cozy fireplace inside).

*writes “Repeatedly stuck his penis in Amanda Seyfried who’s apparently going to ignore the whole constantly getting chicks pregnant thing.”* Wait. Did Ryan Phillippe seriously end up being the winner here? How the hell does that happen? Did he see Charlie Sheen naked once and was granted three wishes? Because he told me it was only one and that’s if I held the camera steady.

Photos: Splash News, WENN