Psst, Reese Witherspoon. Barn Door’s Open.

November 22nd, 2011 // 16 Comments

You know who unzips pants all the time? Babies.

Here’s Reese Witherspoon leaving Brentwood Country Mart yesterday where my keen investigative skills inform me she peed at some point and forgot to zip her pants. Don’t ask me how I know, but let’s agree less-educated cultures would deem me a powerful wizard. (Mornin’, the south.) But that’s not what’s important right now. What is important, is the fact that Reese Witherspoon needs to never stop wearing those jeans because clearly they’re forged with magic. Normally, Reese has a horrible case of mom ass, but when those pants go on, I’m pretty sure lightning bolts shoot out of her thighs while the voice of Zeus instructs her to wield her new-found powers for the glory of Greece. “For your ass shall look smoking, and said smoking will smote thou enemies, leaving their wives for your taking- Jesus, watch where you’re swinging the chin! Motherfuckin’ God of Olympus, and bitch is trying to blind me. Hermes! Sand that fucker down.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet


  1. rupert

    Um, XYZ and first bitches

  2. Satan's bitch

    Shit, our secret is out. The gigundo purse is for hiding the unzipped fly when we’re using our vagina powers for evil!

  3. EmmaWatson's Vagina

    what happened afterwards was she was stopped by security for exposing her vagina. then the secret security people were noticing she had panties on and just said zipper up next time and left without putting her next to Lindsay Lohan.

  4. Cock Dr

    This is how a WASP princess gets down and dirty for the paparazzi.

  5. That’s not a barn door. It’s a cooter vent.

  6. Commented on this photo:

    I like the new scratch and sniff feature here at Superficial.

  7. hmna

    The zipper actually broke from the strain of the pants shaping her mom ass. C’mon, people!

  8. the the

    so i guess they hire anyone to be paparazzi nowadays??

  9. cc

    Maybe her clitoral hood juts out like her chin does?

  10. Carl Spackler

    MMMMMM, Man overboard , Mrs Witherspoon !!

  11. Licker
    Commented on this photo:

    She is group prospecting. Trolling if you will…

  12. Captain Slappy

    So…Reese Witherspoon left the barn door open, and her horse got out…and Lady Gaga is a “first come, first serve” type of gal, so I assume when her penis isn’t in the vag garage “Handicap” spot because Russell Brands has custody that weekend, Witherspoon parks her horse there overnight?

    We call that, “Networking”.

  13. Ben Dover
    Commented on this photo:

    TOO HOT!!

  14. Ben Dover
    Commented on this photo:

    She is perfect, Great ass, great body, I would love to love her!!

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