Sometime during Rihanna‘s MET Gala after party, a possibly drunk Reese Witherspoon found herself in an elevator with Kate Upton, Zooey Deschanel and an iPhone-wielding Cara Delevingne who was given specific instructions to not make Reese pronounce her “fucking name” because it’s “that stupid French.” But because she’s southern charm personified, Reese followed that up with some friendly advice: The most important thing in a girl’s name is that “a man can whisper it into his pillow.” Because Witherspoon practically licks you right in the clit mid-coitus and doesn’t sound like the name for an English butler. “Witherspoon! Put out the fine china. Witherspoon! Drive me to the market. Witherspoon! I’ve killed a man with my chin again. Clean it up.”
If these get pulled like they already were from Cara Delevingne’s Instagram account (I’m sure that was a fun call.), Gawker has copies because the Internet is a precious gift.