It’s The Reese Witherspoon Bikini Pics

Thanks to already blowing over half our photo budget on Demi Moore and Gwyneth Paltrow, I didn’t think I’d be able to afford these new Reese Witherspoon bikini pics. But then I did some things that I’m not very proud of, and fortunately recorded should a certain senator not pass mandatory McRib legislation (No one ever suspects the scrotum mic.) because that’s how devoted I am to Smarmy Blondes with Hooch Tattoos Week. So here’s Reese in Hawaii and, fuck, it was her baby shower, wasn’t it? Goddammit. I forget to get her something. Can I get in on someone’s gift? For real, I’ll owe you one and without all that blackmail stuff. But probably not.

Photos: FlightRisk Los/AKM-GSI