It’s The Reese Witherspoon Bikini Pics

January 7th, 2014 // 24 Comments

Thanks to already blowing over half our photo budget on Demi Moore and Gwyneth Paltrow, I didn’t think I’d be able to afford these new Reese Witherspoon bikini pics. But then I did some things that I’m not very proud of, and fortunately recorded should a certain senator not pass mandatory McRib legislation (No one ever suspects the scrotum mic.) because that’s how devoted I am to Smarmy Blondes with Hooch Tattoos Week. So here’s Reese in Hawaii and, fuck, it was her baby shower, wasn’t it? Goddammit. I forget to get her something. Can I get in on someone’s gift? For real, I’ll owe you one and without all that blackmail stuff. But probably not.

Photos: FlightRisk Los/AKM-GSI


  1. somehow I had never noticed that enormous Kraken of a crotch tattoo she seems to have. either that, or a scar from a nasty vaginoplasty gone awry.

  2. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how much the blogger coughed up for these.
    It was more than $3.50 which IMO is about what they’re worth.

  3. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    nom nom nom

  4. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Humpin Frog
    Commented on this photo:

    At some point she turns around right? What is up with the “no shoota assa” photogs? This is America/Merica for Christ sakes. TAKE THE ASS SHOT, ALWAYS!!!! Comprenda, Compradora, Comanche, Computer? I don’t click on this mousy contraption for free.

  5. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that thunder I hear?

  6. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like my Mom

  7. Jenn

    Pointy Chin looks pretty good for having three kids. She’s still a self entitled little bitch, though.

  8. nah....

    This is why we keep coming back.

  9. waht the fuck am i suppose to do with these pics? i’m going to watch granny porn….

  10. Looks pretty fucking hot for a mother of three, I’d totally knock her back out

  11. tlmck

    The first pic is not bad, but then reality sets in after that.

  12. She looks absolutely do-able in this first pic.

  13. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Her house apes have totally ruined her breasts. But she still looks pretty damn good.

  14. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m not sure if that’s a tattoo or just a grooming issue.

  15. OK, I’ll bite. Without releasing proprietary information:

    It’s obvious that some pics are going to cost more than others. Can we infer what you’re paying for Kardashian pics?

    Maybe you get the corporate discount since they are all part of SpinMedia.

    This sounds snarkier than I mean it to – I’m actually kinda curious.

    • In reality, 99% of our pics are through subscriptions we have with various photo agencies. So we’re not exactly paying per pic as much as using whatever our monthly allotment is. Very rarely do we actually pay premium prices for pics, but thanks to the holidayw, we ended up doing that three times so far with Reese, Demi and Gwyneth.

      As for the Kardashians, I stopped paying premium for their pics years ago because they cost way too fucking much (No Spinmedia discount because, again, the business relationship is nothing like that.), and most of the time, they’re throwing themselves in front of every single photo agency, so chances are I’ll get ones through our subscriptions which people will somehow still click the shit out of.

  16. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Girls who stand pigeon-toed on purpose are assholes.

  17. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    she is ugly in bikini

  18. Reese Witherspoon Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Skinny fat….gross

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