Ray Rice Found Jesus And Stopped Drinking, Everybody, Hallelujah!

While the NFL finds itself in even more shit after a law enforcement official confirmed to the AP that execs had a copy of the Ray Rice elevator video since April, Ray Rice’s handlers are staying focused on making sure they’ve done enough spin before he inevitably plays professional football again next season if not this one. TMZ Sports reports:

Ray Rice says hard liquor was the fuel that triggered his elevator rage and he hasn’t touched the stuff in months … sources close to Rice tell TMZ Sports.
Rice told the Baltimore Ravens he and Janay Palmer had been drinking HEAVILY before the altercation. Rice is telling friends he becomes a different person when he boozes it up … so he’s changed his life.
But he hasn’t changed that much, because we’re told he still drinks wine … just not hard liquor.
Our sources say Ray and his wife have gotten deep into religion since the February incident — they were both baptized in March when they decided to become Born again Christians.

I’m not gonna lie, that is some fucking beautiful spin. First, it lays the blame completely at the feet of “hard liquor,” so if there are a few football fans who still haven’t rationalized a man knocking a woman unconscious in an elevator then dragging her limp body halfway out and leaving it between the automatic door, then POW, there’s your scapegoat. Second, who’s going to argue with a born again Christian? The man confessed his sins to an imaginary space hippie in his mind! What more do you need? Do you want him to bleed? Jesus Chri- oh, right.

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