Rachel Uchitel says something about something. Mother of God…

Splooge Receptacle to the Stars Rachel Uchitel issued a statement today making it clear she’s not the mistress extorting money from David Boreanaz. Via TMZ:

“David Boreanaz is not part of my life, nor will he be. I am not in communication with him and do not wish to be.
“I have made no claims against him and do not plan to assert any. Any statements to the contrary are false and I hope that this statement will finally end any speculation about this issue.
“I am looking forward to a life that is not filled with scandal, rumor, innuendo or false statements about me. I will not have any further comment regarding David Boreanaz.

Adding… “I find it discouraging that a woman can’t fuck a married man in this country and expect money in return for those servic- Oh my God Gloria’s having a heart attack. What? What’d I do?” *microphone screech*