Rachel Uchitel has standards. Who knew?

May 17th, 2010 // 31 Comments

Rachel Uchitel has reportedly signed a deal to pose in Playboy but only under certain conditions, according to TMZ:

Rachel hedged when we asked her about a Playboy offer on TMZ Live on Friday — but we found out that Tiger Woods’ #1 mistress has already struck an agreement. A source close to the mag tells us Rachel has the right to pull out any time before the shoot goes down — which is in three weeks.
We’re also told Rachel won’t be baring it all — just the backside … and the topside.

So let me get this straight: Rachel Uchitel will bang married men, flash her ass and tits in a magazine but won’t let anyone see her vagina. Which means it’s tattooed with a mural of Tiger Woods hitting a 9-iron into her clitoris. That nun at the bus station owes me a dollar!

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Bing

    gross

  2. Gareth

    You could park a bus inbetween those tits!!

    and a truck
    and a boat
    and a house
    and a tiger

  3. Me

    Tiger also had the “right to pull out at any time before the shoot goes down”

  4. Parker

    Yes, and obviously she understands that only someone like Tiger would be interested in her pay-for-play pussy. Everyone else wants to see her ass and when I say everyone I mean me. Since I have no shame, I have no problem saying I would be happy to plow it.

  5. john f

    sickening skanky broad
    NO SURPRISE THERE?
    Maybe she is really a tranny and doesn’t want us to see that pussy
    she will be so photoshopped with her distorted silicone implants and her leather old skin and her fake lips nose and botoxed face
    NO ONE will recognize her
    god tiger and david you have no taste
    she looks like every bimbo in LA
    nothing special and Yes I am a guy
    she can show her ugly tits because they are NOT hers they are bought plastic stuck in her chest
    so these gals don’t really care
    she is disgusting

  6. john f

    sickening skanky broad
    NO SURPRISE THERE?
    Maybe she is really a tranny and doesn’t want us to see that pussy
    she will be so photoshopped with her distorted silicone implants and her leather old skin and her fake lips nose and botoxed face
    NO ONE will recognize her
    god tiger and david you have no taste
    she looks like every bimbo in LA
    nothing special and Yes I am a guy
    she can show her ugly tits because they are NOT hers they are bought plastic stuck in her chest
    so these gals don’t really care
    she is disgusting

  7. Photoshop Police

    PASS!

    Why waste good $ on this chick if she’s not even going to show it all?

  8. Deacon Jones

    She’s not going to show it because it looks like the meat warehouse after Danny Glover’s shoot-out in Predator 2.

  9. Why is everyone ruling out penis? Why does everyone always rule out penis?

  10. PunkA

    Those man hands frighten me. If she is not packing sausage, i would be surprised. Plus, hands that massive would even make a cock as huge as mine seem small. What guy wants that? Chicks with small hands are best.

  11. Tek

    You know what’s sad? All of these white trash broads Tiger banged don’t look anywhere near as good as his WIFE does. So WTF? I guess Ellen isn’t into anal creampies. A little backdoor entry can save a marriage, ladies. Let it be known.

  12. No, it probably means that her nether-regions look like overcooked liver flanks…. not that it would stop Cheater, I mean Cheetah, I mean Tiger….

  13. She's a whore

    So, little miss “celebrity pass around p*ssy” has standards? You gotta be kidding me. Uh, honey, you’ve already raised your hand in front of the world and declared in a loud voice “I’m a marriage breaking side whore who will f*ck then blackmail any celebrity who has money”; it’s too late to try to be a “good girl”. You’re already a whore; get used to it, ’cause that’s what everyone is going to call you for the rest of your life…

  14. Nudgie

    Acadia – I think you hit the ‘head on the nail’ ;)

    I think the real reason is that while guys will compare he boobs and ass to other Hollywood starlets, her vag can only be compared to the Holland Tunnel or the Chunnel… ;)

  15. Learnwhattheclitis

    *Into* her clitoris? You’ve obviously never actually been near a woman’s genitals.

  16. whitey

    What’s that on her lip.
    Looks like a canker.

  17. You know what’s sad?

  18. We shared a common outlook towards gaming and what could be done with coverage to make it entertaining for both enthusiasts and the uninitiated alike, and so working with him on this project was a no-brainer.

  19. He understands that just like a tiger would be interested in playing her pussy to pay. For everyone else can see her ass and when I say everyone I mean my wants. Since I have no shame, I’m not saying I will be happy to solve this problem.

  20. captain america

    ………..CHEATING & FOOLING AMERICANS, folks?

  21. jeezus

    #8 and #9 are geniuses.

  22. cc

    Playboy is really shopping in the bargain bin these days, isn’t it?

  23. Lace Front Wigs: ghddhair.com

  24. WHOOO-HAHH! Phony rubber boobies on display!

  25. Koichi Ito

    It is shameful see beautiful rich girl like Rachel Uchitel threwaway everything to become a full time partygirl! She could have been next Jennifer Aniston or Tori Spelling and star in sitcom as an Actress, who could won Emmy Award!

  26. Yes, a little ! But still beautiful ! Is not she !

  27. isn”t the 15 minutes up yet?

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