R. Kelly Isn’t Funny Anymore

December 17th, 2013 // 49 Comments
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Let me just start off by apologizing for the fact that up until yesterday, I’ve definitely been one of the numerous assholes who found R. Kelly fucking hilarious in a crazy person who constantly says and/or sings ridiculous shit kind of way.

Not anymore.

If you haven’t seen or heard about it by now, the Village Voice published an interview with Jim DeRogatis, the journalist who actively investigated the R-Kelly sex accusations for the Chicago Sun-Times, and holy shit. What you’ll find is a fucked up tale of a man who didn’t just pee on one girl in some video, but systematically preyed on 14-year-olds, and possibly younger, without consequence for years thanks to a careful selection of his victims and the sad state of justice for the black community in America. Even more disturbing is all this information has been publicly available in court records for a decade, but very few people bothered to look it up. It was so bad, R. Kelly got a pass from Jezebel who normally can’t wait to pelt a target with bloody tampons at the slightest hint of misogyny. This should have been a goddamn feast for them which is why DeRogatis called them out in the interview, and as of this post, they have yet to respond. So below’s the full text which if there’s one thing you’re going to read today instead of working, make it this. (And maybe a few bikini pictures. It’s Christmas.)

‘Read the ‘Stomach-Churning’ Sexual Assault Accusations Against R. Kelly in Full’ – Village Voice

Photo: Getty


  1. JC

    For extra deliciousness, note that one of the “stories” currently on the front page of Jezebel is an advice seeker wondering what do do about their creepy 26-year-old friend who’s dating a 17-year-old:


    I didn’t read it, but I assume the advice is, “If your creepy friend is a shitty ‘artist’ that people hail as a genius for some inexplicable reason, then it’s O.K.!”

    • To be fair, there seems to be a total double standard when it comes to this subject. Case in point, Paul Walker is tragically killed in a car accident but nobody wants to bring up the fact that he started dating his current girlfriend when she was only 16-years-old and he was 32. When this is brought to the attention of commentators, his actions are usually excused completely just because he was a handsome, white, wealthy actor or because he was charitable. If Doug Hutchison died in a car accident tomorrow, I doubt anybody would be making tribute videos for him on YouTube or mourning him as if they actually knew him, as many people are online for Paul. These same people get so upset when you destroy their fantasy of Paul but a pedophile is a pedophile.

      • Courtkney

        Ugh thank you, I posted basically this same thing on my facebook wall after seeing post after post about him and all these “so and so liked “RIP PAUL WALKER” posts. One of the responses I got was “Yeah well it’s still sad that somebody died.” Like I’m the asshole. Please, I didn’t see one RIP Bin Laden post from any of ya’ll motherfuckers…

  2. JungleRed

    This is not news. I remember Dave Chapelle making excuses for R. Kelly on his show, that his music was so good, it was “scandal-proof.” Whatever. I don’t get the the screechy verbal gymnastics that passes for most R&B music, but then I guess I’m racist.

  3. I’ve been wondering for years how this guy was getting away with this without much being said…especially in this day and age of everything being a scandal or at least scrutinized to death on the internet. I’m glad someone has finally made a bigger deal of this criminal pedophile.

  4. j-sin

    Heh, watch because this is bad publicity featuring a black celebrity (i.e Kanye, Chris Brown) all 12 of the Superficial’s conservative warriors won’t show up to say “Hey, we wanna see pictures of boobies!” ” Who cares about George Zimmerman??” and “Leave Fox News and Megyn( The fuck?? MeGYN?) Kelly ALONE!!”

    See also: Ben Roethlisburger vs Mike Vick stories.

    Hypocrisy at it’s finest.

    • Mike Walker

      Zimmerman and Kelly are political stories of non-celebrities (the Kelly story is really nothing). R.Kelly is a bona-fide music star and his sex life is a prime target for a celebrity gossip site.


      • J-Sin

        Actually both fall under the wing of people in the media spotlight. So…far game.

        And 2009 wants their catchphrase back.

  5. Deacon Jones

    Just whitey trying ta bring da black man down!

  6. coljack

    The R. Kelly stuff is bad, but then so is Chris Brown. Last time I checked, people are still buying his records. Let’s keep going: Ben Roethlisberger is an alleged rapist, but still slinging pigskin and no one gives a shit. Jameis Winston – at worst a rapist, at best a guy who brings girls back to his dorm room and lets his hangers-on be bangers-on after he’s done – but he’s going to win the Heisman.

    Michael Vick (dogfighting), Ray Lewis (obstruction of justice), Rob Lowe (sex with an underage girl), Roman Polanski (sex with a drugged underage girl) – the list goes on and on. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t forgive and forget, but for most felons, we tend to lock ‘em up and throw away the key. If you’re a singer or an athlete? Nothing to see here. Suddenly we don’t care what the person has done, as long as they entertain us.

    The exception that proves the rule – OJ. No one let him live down his “alleged” murder, because he was done playing football.

    So yeah, let’s remember what R. Kelly did, but let’s not single him out. Let’s take a sober look at all the truly horrible people we enable and maybe ask a little more out of the people who get to enjoy millions of dollars and fame.

    • All of this presupposes some kind of faith in humanity, so for that reason, I’m out.

      • coljack

        Fair point.

        It gets worse – as someone posted below, we brushed aside Michael Jackson’s settlements. I also forgot about the most brazen of all – Kobe Bryant. Pretty clear he got away with rape, too – his attorneys showed they were ready to re-victimize the accuser in court, so she took the money. (And like Jackons and Kelly, it’s pretty clear Kobe took advantage of someone in a poor mental state.) The endorsement money eventually came back, and the sports media calls him “future hall of famer Kobe Bryant” not “accused rapist who settled out of court Kobe Bryant.”

        The only one I feel sorry for is Tiger Woods. He hurt his wife and his kids – otherwise, he was just a kinky hound dog who hooked up with like-minded adults. That’s a private matter, and furthermore, there’s this – let he who is without boner cast the first stone…

      • That Kobe Bryant story is utter horseshit. There was no way he raped that damn woman. I have buddies that play pro sports and there is no shortage of women that want to have sex with them and they are not Kobe level of looks, fame or money. Newsflash, bitches target men with money for huge settlements, they target rich men to get pregnant by and get golden lottery tickets.

        D-List local singers and rappers at your local clubs and bars have women throwing themselves at them, you really think Kobe fucking Bryant needs to rape some fucking woman? “Hmm, I am good looking, super famous and super rich, I know, I am going to throw away my whole career and risk prison for a 6.”

      • To quote the original Village Voice article, “The saddest fact I’ve learned is: Nobody matters less to our society than young black women. Nobody. They have any complaint about the way they are treated: They are ‘bitches, hos, and gold diggers,’ plain and simple. Kelly never misbehaved with a single white girl who sued him or that we know of… No, it was young black girls and all of them settled. They settled because they felt they could get no justice whatsoever. They didn’t have a chance.”

        So, yea… bitches targeting and what not. 100%. Sex with famous people is 100% a victimless crime.

      • Sam

        Seriously El Jefe????? Are you really that ignorant?? Rape is not about sex. Rape is about power. People who rape aren’t mentally sound, rational thinking human beings.

        Uhhg. This makes me sick to think people actually think like this. Educate yourself, ass.

        This….this guy right here….is why rape is so hard to prosecute.

      • Just because he didn’t “have to” rape anyone doesn’t mean he didn’t rape anyone. If you read the coverage of the actual specific facts of the case, it seems pretty clear it was a violent encounter and he didn’t exactly act innocent when the cops got a hold of him. And in any case, the legal strategy his lawyers employed and the eventual settlement were just reprehensible…

      • You got that right, El Jefe. Didn’t Kobe’s accuser’s rape kit show semen from multiple donours? Yeah, she ain’t no angel. And she’s damn sure not a victim. As far as I can see, she was just another groupie looking to take advantage of a sports star.

        As improbable as it is, men in their position should avoid hooking up with women at all costs. Too many gold diggers and just looking for a payout.

      • As long as we’re talking evidence, how about the blood on his t-shirt? Yeah, she asked for it and then intentionally bled on him. Happens all the time during consensual sex, right?

        Anyway, doesn’t matter. A decent human being doesn’t get into a situation where someone falsely accuses them of rape, doesn’t have to explain away bloody t-shirts or pay someone millions of dollars to make the charges go away. Yet we the viewing public look past it with Kobe and R. Kelly.

        People like you who think famous guys are the victims – just innocent targets of gold diggin’ ho’s – probably won’t ever care.

      • D-chi

        You need to stop being a rape apologist.

    • From reading the article, some of what the reporter was getting at, is that these people you mentioned, their claim to fame divorced them from their crimes. People could focus on something else. But R. Kelly’s didn’t because his fame is tied up in him being skeevy and singing about bangin’ hos and humping girls on stage. When asked if he had a prediliction for teenage girls he asked an interviewer to define teenage for him. This is not a man who is trying to move on, this is a man who doesn’t give a shit. His music is heavily sex based, his song lyrics problematic and misogynistic at best and horrifying at worst. As the author stated, he dodged the charges and immediately released an album called “Age Ain’t Nothin’ But a Number”.

      None of that makes him any better or worse, but he has made it clear not only does he not think what he did was wrong, he has built his career on it. Which makes him athat much more repulsive.

  7. I Believe He Should Fry

  8. Thanks for giving this some notice. I likely wouldn’t have seen it otherwise. I don’t read the Village Voice and as the article states the rest of the media have willfully ignored the story for a decade.

    You are talking about systematic, serial predation on underage girls and no one gives a fuck because he’s wealthy and famous. Because he’s popular. I would never own an R. Kelly album anyway. I’m not his audience. His music is utterly fucking stupid. But he is currently being co-signed by the biggest pop star in the world and people can’t wait to play along. Her music is equally stupid but her audience is enormous and when you drag this piece of shit into their world you are responsible for their acceptance of him and by extension his behavior. You are telling these people, made up in no small part by young women, that what he did is ok. Lady Gaga is an ignorant skank that I would guess wouldn’t really give a shit about any of this versus the attention she receives from wheeling this pedophile out at every public event she attends. Not knowing really isn’t good enough. What a glorious icon of feminism.

  9. dreamcrusher

    Everybody was cool with what Michael Jackson did with little boys. Why should anyone care what Kelly does with little girls ?

  10. I thought this was common knowledge, at least about the scope of his alleged crimes. I read an article years ago in either People or maybe Rolling Stone that detailed the videos and how many families were paid off and it talked about his marriage to Aaliyah. It really did make a stomach turn. I read that full article and it just hurts my soul how these girls were ignored.

    As a woman of color, it is sad but not surprising that no one cares. It’s been like that as long as I could remember. When the Jon Benet case happened, there was a terrible case happening at the same time in Detroit. An eight year old black girl disappeared and was missing for half a day. They found her in the basement of her apartment building (very similar to Jon Benet), with her hands bound with duct tape. Her attackers subdued her with the tape, poured bleach into her eyes so she couldn’t see them and then they raped her and beat her. Eight. Years. Old. At the time, I was a kid and I read the article and cried. That story has haunted me for my entire adult life. I’ve tried to find info on her for years but there isn’t one additional story other than the one I read that simply called her Little Girl X. No one followed her story. Did she live or die? Is she blind? Did they find her killers? Everyone was so busy caring about an affluent white girl that her story was nonexistant. And I’m not suggesting that Jon Benet’s case wasn’t tragic. It was, but there are lots of tragic cases that happen and the ones that seem to get the coverage are white girls. Because many view them as “innocent” whereas girls of color are still viewed as oversexed and aggressive, so when crimes happen to them, the media and the justice system says they played a part in it.

    So many children of color get kidnapped every day because they are easy victims.The media doesn’t pick up their stories. No one cares. Criminals usually pick the easy targets and criminals knows better than most how little anyone cares about what happens to us. It’s the same reason why so many serial killers pick prostitutes as victims. They pick people who are least likely to reach out to the authorities for help, the least likely to be searched for. It breaks my fucking heart.

    I have never purchased an R. Kelly album, listened to a single song or clicked on a music video since I read the article about his crimes years ago. Much like Chris Brown, Mel Gibson and any other crazy, violent animal who get a media pass because they are wealthy, I speak with my dollars and my dollars will not fund the lifestyles of people who casually destroy lives.

      • Oh my god Jungle Red, thank you so much! I have been Googling “Little Girl X” and “Detroit Girl X” for years without finding a single story. I’m getting seriously emotional right now. I read about her when I was seventeen years old and I have never, ever forgotten what she went through.

    • Awesome response Miss_Moppet. Thanks.

    • That African Americans have historically gotten screwed over by the system is not news, but sometimes it takes a specific story or instance to really bring the idea home for you. This is a very well made point, Miss_Moppet.

      I think that in addition to the racial bias you describe the Ramsey case drew more attention and continues to because of just how weird it was. No suspects. No leads. No clues. This little girl just seemingly appeared dead in her family’s home. The family has been largely cleared if I’m not mistaken. Incredibly bizarre.

      The scum that committed the crime against that poor girl in Detroit was caught and convicted. As awful as it was it likely failed to fascinate the public like the Ramsey case because as god awful as it was, and it surely was, it was just another example of horror perpetrated against the weak and defenseless. Happens every day. However I certainly agree with your point that if the little girl had been white and affluent, like the Ramseys, the case would have gotten FAR more attention.

    • FlanlMannel

      Well said Miss_Moppet! How heartbreaking that so many victims are being ignored! I am sickened that people have stood up for Chis Brown, Roman Polanski, R Kelly, Mel Gibson, etc. because their “talent” suppossedly outweighs the destruction they caused in their victims lives. I agree we need to speak with our wallets and not support these people.

  11. D.

    I’ve believed that R. Kelly is a pedophile since the 1990′s when the tape of him and the two young black girls was exposed. Have not bought, much less listened to, any of his music since.

  12. R. Kelly’s “exoneration” has been quite the joke here in Chicago. I echo Miss Moppet’s comments.

  13. Mika

    Seriously, I really had no idea about this. I’m 25, a journalist, and feminist and I had NO IDEA. When I was younger I remember Mad Magazines doing jokes about R. Kelly peeing on someone, but I assumed that consensual, and I was… a child. I never really questioned it. Thank you for sharing this.

  14. Fish, it has a hell of a lot less to do with the sad state of justice for black people and far more with the fact famous people can get away with ridiculous things. Do I really need to point out the racial disparity in Michael Jackson’s menu of children’s souls?

  15. I gotta say Fish, this has consumed me all morning–i have become aware of R. Kelly creeping presence again: making his way into award shows, his new album getting critically reviewed, Kelly endorsing C. Brown, etc., and it was a small blip in my radar. After reading the VV article, it blows my mind that he has clawed his way back into the forefront of our mainstream. I have already emailed and tweeted the Jezebel editors bc the piece they did on the Black Panties album was so sloppy and lazy, they deserve to be called out (and Aran Isha fired), and frankly need to take a hard look at their editors too. R. Kelly needs to be expelled from the music community and vilified for what he is: a predator with every advantage preying upon the most vulnerable. I have no doubt that his actions continue to this day and we as a society are culpable.

    Anyway Fish, thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’ll be looking forward to the many scathing jokes you hurl this man’s way. And fuck Lady Gaga too.

  16. I haven’t liked or listened to anything R Kelly’s done since these crimes came to light. I thought he had retired or something until he teamed up with Lady Gaga this year.

    Fuck him. He’s a predator.

  17. There is much more tampon throwing happening in the comments, I don’t know what the Jezebel team were thinking when they let this slide..

  18. TheMoreYouKnow

    Well said, thanks for owning up to this and acknowledging that this rapist asshole’s antics (and, you know, crimes…) are about as unfunny as it gets. I love Aziz Ansari but I’ve always found his cutsey joking about R. Kelly extremely upsetting… here’s hoping he comes out with some seriously belated apologies, and soon.

  19. Slash

    I would say R. Kelly fans are retards, but that’s an insult to actual developmentally disabled people, who probably all have better things to do than listen to a wealthy sexual predator whine shitty lyrics over Muzak-grade R&B.

    The popularity of his music proves that black people aren’t smarter or cooler than white people (and that isn’t a terribly high standard, let’s be honest).

  20. Slash

    The bottom line is, crimes against women, and especially crimes against women of color, are not considered crimes by many people. Including, sadly, men of color, who are most often the perpetrators.

    Rapists and murderers know this.

    And we really shouldn’t be surprised that in a country that worships money and fame the way ours does, the rich and/or famous get away with shit us “ordinary” people wouldn’t.

  21. duhhhhhh

    Yawn….its called “The Black Community”. Welcome to it.

  22. Jenn

    He’s a pedo, plain and simple. They do it once they’ll keep doing it. I feel bad for the kids. It’s not something you really get over.

  23. A minor CANNOT consent. We need to remember that. No matter how willing they CANNOT consent to sex with an adult. It’s rape if they say yes or not.

  24. If the African AMerican community will give the likes of R Kelly and Chris Brown a pass on crimes and despicible behavior because their music is “good”. Does that mean we can also give a pass on Taylor Swift if it is discovered she is actively participating in war crimes and genocide?

    “She hired a private army to slaughtered entire villages in Sudan over blood diamonds, and she owns several Chinese slave labor factories to make her merchandise”

    “But RED was such an amazing album, we have to give her a pass.”

  25. I’m a white guy and even I find the way black women are viewed and the status they have in society and in the entertainment industry (especially) music is disturbing.

    Urban Black girls get Niki Minaj and Rihanna to look up to, the overly sexual dress and behavior and often glamorize drugs, partying and drinking. They both give off streetwalker vibe, a cheap streetwalker vibe.

    white suburbanite white girls get Taylor Swift. Prim and proper and dresses like a 1950′s schoolteacher. She just gives of an aura of old Hollywood dignity and class. You never see her at clubs and takes the “role model” thing seriously. People give Taylor crap for her dating history, heck at least she never dated anyone like Chris Brown, and then went BACK TO HIM.

    Where is the Black Community’s version of this? Someone who represents style, class, dignity and self respect? Sure Beyonce does this at times, even hen she still slides back into doing HO MUSIC. She was amazing at the UN Humanitarian Day for “I was Here” performance, and then looked like a cheap hooker at the super bowl halftime show.

  26. The man’s sick. He needs to see a doctor who specializes in pedophiles. How about Conrad Murray.

  27. I’m not an R. Kelly fan per se, but everyone acting so uppity over these old ass stories and Jim DeRogatis old ass 15 year vendetta is weak. R. Kelly has kinky freaky sex with his fans some of whom happen to be teenage girls, just like countless white/ black/ asian and latino musicians have been for ages. Some of them like the Rolling Stones have been doing this type of stuff for over half a century. Are these musicians predators, are these teen girls groupies? I know what when I was 14 I constantly fantasized about having sex with my favorite older actors and musicians ( if only I got the chance), although R kelly was not my type he is for some girls. The fact that R Kelly pays off the family and the girl reflects just as poorly on the character of the girl and the family who decide that money and a trip to Disney is worth it.

    Anyways this story is old and I do think its different when someone is a pop star because many of the fans that they have sex seek out that situation. People don’t go on about Elvis marrying a 14 year-old Priscilla so why is it wrong for R Kelly to marry a 14-year old Aliyah?

    Yes there is something wrong with an older men going out to the mall or on the internet trying to lure underage girls or boys to his house to play video games only to drug and rape them. However the situation with R Kelly and other pop stars is different. If R Kelly invites you to come to his hotel or house after the show you know what he expects will happen and you know there is a chance you will get peed on.

  28. So, @wupsup, you’re saying then it’s okay for anyone to have sex with an underage kid just as long as they inform them of what’s going to happen ahead of time? You’re condemning child abuse but not if it’s perpetuated by someone famous????

    Maybe this sounds familiar to you: ‘Yeah, she should have known what to expect. The way she was dressed, she was asking for it!’
    You sicken me.

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