R. Kelly Got A Divorce Because Of ‘The Notebook’

“And so at the end of the movie, motherfucker from Drive’s all old and shit, right? And his wife… *wipes tear* excuse me, y’all… his wife she got amnesia and don’t even recognize him. And that’s when I thought to myself, wait a minute, how is it I drop motherfuckin’ roses out of a helicopter, and this bitch ain’t even go in a nursing home and lose her gotdamn memory for me? That’s bullshit.”

Thanks to the Fourth of July dropping a holiday bomb in the middle of the week, I completely missed this beauty of a gem from R. Kelly’s finally-released memoirs “Soulacoaster: The Diary Of Me.” A book that I’ve already ordered three copies of for each bathroom in my house because I need its words in me today. So here’s our boy Robert explaining why watching The Notebook made him divorce his wife. Via TMZ:

“As the film credits started to roll, I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. People walking past me patted me on the back, trying to console me. ‘The Notebook’ was beautiful, and I was crying because its hero and heroine had died together.
But I was also crying because I remembered a Valentine’s Day — when a helicopter dropped a rainfall of roses — that had come and gone … My marriage had died. And there was nothing I could do to bring it back.”

Let me tell you the most incredible part of this story and it’s not that R. Kelly apparently spends his free time making his entourage watch him cry at Nicholas Sparks movies or that he crams helicopters full of roses and actually expects them to rain down upon him instead of immediately blowing away thanks to the large metal blade spinning at speeds capable of flight. No, it’s the fact that you know he spent the entire week after watching The Notebook identifying with Rachel McAdams’ character the most. “Bitch, you Cyclops. How the fuck I end up pickin’ Cyclops? You Professor X’d my mind.”

Their asses really are happy when you pay for them to get their nails and hair did. Damn, the man’s prolific.

Photos: Getty

Tags: R. Kelly