Quentin Tarantino Cries During Romantic Comedies

“All of those feet walking over my name. Just so many feet…”

Quentin Tarantino has made some of the most badass movies of our generation, which is why cracks me up to no end to find out he sits around bawling his eyes out at shitty romantic comedies that couldn’t be more opposite of his entire life’s work. Entertainment Weekly reports:

Which movies? How about 2009’s Ghosts of Girlfriends Past with Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner. Tarantino recounted the plot to Colbert, and then explained why it hit his emotions just right.
“In that movie, he’s this sexy fashion photographer. Famous fashion photographer. Has a ton of girlfriends. He’s a real jerk,” Tarantino said of McConaughey’s character. “He’s known her for a while. Then it goes to a flashback when they knew each other when they were children. They’re at a swing, and it’s snowing in a park. She gives him a birthday gift, and he opens it up and it’s a camera. It’s actually the first camera I was ever given when I was a kid. And all of a sudden, I just start crying.”

“So the other night, I’m watching Twilight, okay? I’ve got a set of toes I’m licking in one hand, glass of white zin in the other because when I watch a movie, I become who the audience is, okay? In this case, I’m an overweight customer service rep named Sheila who hasn’t had sex in months. Maybe even a fucking year. I’m talking the last guy I slept with was a trucker named Steve who came in me without a condom on after four thrusts then puked Budweiser all over the hope chest my grandmother gave me when I was 15. And I didn’t even care because it’s not like I’m ever going to use the thing, right? Twilight is all I fucking have.

So, anyway, I’m watching this movie and Bella and Edward have this beautiful fucking baby. It’s fucking gorgeous, okay? And I don’t even care that it’s clearly CGI because no actual human sperm is gonna make a kid like that, you know what I mean? So in walks Jacob, and my heart just stops. Dead silent. You could a hear pin drop in that thing because this is it for this guy. Not only has the girl he loves married a vampire, but she literally became one herself just to squeeze his fucking vampire baby out of her pussy after the damn thing almost kills her. It is as over for this guy as it gets. Done. Finito. But what does he do? What does this golden werewolf bastard do? He looks around, picks his poor, broken, crushed-to-shit soul back up off the floor, and says, ‘You know what, you guys? It’s cool. I’ll just fuck your kid when she grows up.’ And, dude, I start bawling. Tears are fucking everywhere, man, and you know what to know why? You want to know why?

Nailing Bella’s baby down the line. That’s all Jacob fucking has, man. I mean, BOOM. Full circle. Waterworks. Life just – *presses hands together* – UHHH. You know what I’m saying? We should get more coke.”

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