You Come At The Queen, You Best Do It At Night Because She’s Old

“I know it was you, Chuck-O. You broke my heart.”

Here comes a post about how Queen Elizabeth almost got shot by her own guard, a story that’s huge right now, because I was wrong this whole time about the internet being fueled by porn. It’s not. The entire internet is now just our moms clicking ‘Share’ on Facebook. Via People:

When she is struggling to sleep, the 90-year-old royal will occasionally head outside and go for a stroll, according to the outlet. During one such 3 a.m. outing within the Palace walls, the patrolman came across a “figure in the darkness” and assumed the worst, according to the newspaper.

However, when he called out to see who was there, it turned out to be the Queen herself.

“Bloody hell, Your Majesty, I nearly shot you,” the guard reportedly told her after realizing his mistake.

“That’s quite all right,” she responded. “Next time I’ll ring through beforehand so you don’t have to shoot me.”

Wait, that’s how the Queen’s Guard talks to the Royal Family? I would not have guessed it was so casual.

“Do be more careful around Mummy, chaps!”
“Charlie, be honest bruv, you’d shove that old bird into a speeding cab if no one was watching.”

“Oy, Harry! Does the carpet match, you ginger cock-up?! *waves gun at crotch*
*laughs nervously* “Good one, mate!”

“Pippa, be a good lass and pick up that pencil, eh?” *high fives all around, big dumb hats fall off*

You couldn’t tell I totally ran out of British slang there right? Brilliant! *puts Pippa butt photos below, dives out of post*

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Photo: Getty