In Space, No One Can Hear You Get An Abortion:
A Review of ‘Prometheus’

July 1st, 2012 // 54 Comments
Prometheus Set Ridley Scott

“And then, I dunno, fucking squid babies represent Space Jesus or something. Just film whatever you want.” – Ridley Scott, first day of production, Prometheus.

So three weeks after it came out, Photo Boy and I finally got around to seeing Prometheus – The Superficial: Poignant, timely, penis jokes. – which resulted in me spending pretty much the entire weekend reading and/or watching online diatribes to try and figure out what the fuck was happening in this movie and fortunately arriving at an answer. I even read James Franco‘s fart-sniffing review for The Huffington Post which I should’ve realized was biased considering all the aliens had a dick nose and he practically invented the medium. Anyway, this review is going to be filled with unavoidable spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie, I’ll give you my quick recommendation: I enjoyed the shit out of it even moreso than The Avengers. Granted, it’s purposefully vague, breathtakingly nonsensical at times and filled with shit characters save Michael Fassbender, but it’s fucking gorgeous to look at and in case I haven’t bitched enough, I spent the entire weekend not being able to stop thinking about it. It’s a cool little film in spite of its flaws which I’m about to get into:

SPOILER ALERT: In case you skipped my opening paragraph (I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN.), I’m not even trying to be coy with this one because I want to be able to point out the ridiculousness of some of the plot points because, at the end of the day, Prometheus is a movie that attempts to piggyback a very high-concept, mythological story on the back of a shit-ass, stereotypical horror movie complete with shit-ass stereotypical characters doing stupid shit-ass things.

The Shit That Worked:
- Michael Fassbender as David, the Lawrence of Arabia-obsessed android with advanced being a super-huge asshole programming. Take Ian Holm’s Ash and then also make him a smarmy psycopath. Best character in the film and really the only one holding the whole thing together.
- The production design and visuals. Just fucking top notch. And I didn’t even see it in 3D because I respect myself as a person.
- The first few hours I spent rethinking the movie in my head minus all the stupid shit the Prometheus crew did. You’re gonna want to not do that, or you’ll end up like this:

Hilariously awesome videos aside, Ridley Scott wanted people to see clues in the movie and then fill in the pieces themselves. Granted, this works for a short while, until you realize there are some huge fucking holes in this thing and the majority of them can’t be filled without explanations after the fact from screenwriter Damon Lindelof and Ridley Scott whose explanations specifically just make shit even worse which I’ll get into shortly.
- Damon Lindelof’s explanation for the main impetus of the plot: Did the Engineers even want humans to visit them? Of all the explanations this is the one I like the most because unlike every other theory floating around out there, you could deduce it from the film itself and not require a viral video and/or information from the filmmakers. Via io9:

You look at a cave wall, there’s somebody pointing at some distant planets, and one interpretation is “This is where we come from” another is “We want you to come here.” Where are we drawing that from? I think another thing that’s interesting about the system that they visit is that the moon the land on in Prometheus is LV 223. And we know LV 426 is where the action takes place in Alien, so are they even in the right place? And how close are they to the place that these aliens on cave walls were directing them. Were they just extrapolating “This is the system that has the sun with the sustainable life.” So there’s a lot of guesswork. There’s a small line in the movie where David and Holloway are talking about David’s deconstruction of the language based on Holloway’s thesis, and he says “If your thesis is correct” and Holloway says “If it’s correct?” and David says “That’s why they call it a thesis Doctor.”

Long story short, “Whoops, wrong planet.” Which is essentially what Noomi Rapace’s character says to David. “We were wrong about everything.” You look back at the movie like that, and the clues are definitely there and gets rid of the pesky question of, “Wait, why the hell would the Engineers invite them to a military base? Or anywhere?” They didn’t.
- Making me want to a sequel. There’s clearly going to be one, and despite all the problems with this one, which mostly have to do with the crew of Prometheus, and fuck, they’re all gone, I legitimately want to see what happens next. Whether that says more about the movie or me being a giant fucking nerd is open to debate as long as nobody goes, “Wait. I got it: Space Jesus!”
- Pretty much all that stuff I just said about a sequel but applied to the Director’s Cut Blu-Ray with 20-30 minutes of extra footage added godfuckingdamnyou, Ridley Scott!

The Shit That Kinda Worked:
- Figuring out what the hell the Engineers fucking do. In the first scene, on a very Earth-like looking planet, you see a robed Engineer drink a cup full of black, oily goo as a UFO takes off above him. He drinks the shit, his body starts disintegrating causing him to fall into a waterfall and completely shatter apart, and then you see strands of DNA separating. For the rest of the movie, THIS SCENE IS NEVER REFERENCED AGAIN. So just from watching Prometheus, you have absolutely no clue what happened here and are left to your own devices. My own devices imagined this scenario:

ENGINEER ON UFO: Hey, dude, drink this shit, and, uh, we’ll be up on our UFO watching what happens.
ROBED ENGINEER: No prob. *drinks, dies falls into waterfall*
ENGINEER ON UFO: Ohmygod, he actually drank it. HA! What an idiot. Now somebody write down that’s what that stuff does, and let’s get the fuck outta here.

Except it turns out there’s a much more boring explanation which Ridley Scott freely offered after the movie came out because, again, there’s absolutely no goddamn way you would’ve deduced this yourself:

That could be anywhere. That could be a planet anywhere. All he’s doing is acting as a gardener in space. And the plant life, in fact, is the disintegration of himself.

So basically these Engineer show up on a planet, drink a cup of black goo and toss their disintegrating bodies into the water to create life. Which is incredible because NOWHERE IS THIS PROCESS MENTIONED OR EVEN ALLUDED TO IN THE FUCKING MOVIE. Which brings me to:
- SPACE JESUS! Sometime after the film came out, Ridley Scott gave an interview with Movies.com where he reveals a possible, keyword: possible, scenario of why the Engineers want to wipe out humans on Earth, if they’re even trying to wipe them out. For all we know, they just want to drop black goo on us and see what kind of crazy squid shit we turn into “because they can” which while I’m on that line, an answer from one of the scientists to Fassbender’s David when asked why humans created androids, is really the more nihilistic approach I’d like to see be the reason why the Engineers (and/or their not-yet-seen master(s) if there is/are any) create and destroy life: “Eh, there’s nothing else to do.” But anyway, here’s Ridley Scott potentially shattering that illusion by revealing why all the Christian symbolism was (possibly) mashed into the film with all the subtlety of a drunk pressing his dick against a bus window and screaming “BLOWJOB!” Although, it could’ve just been Damon Lindelof trying to be clever by throwing in whatever religious theme seems clever at the time ala LOST which worked out really well for that show:

You throw religion and spirituality into the equation for Prometheus, though, and it almost acts as a hand grenade. We had heard it was scripted that the Engineers were targeting our planet for destruction because we had crucified one of their representatives, and that Jesus Christ might have been an alien. Was that ever considered?
Ridley Scott: We definitely did, and then we thought it was a little too on the nose. But if you look at it as an “our children are misbehaving down there” scenario, there are moments where it looks like we’ve gone out of control, running around with armor and skirts, which of course would be the Roman Empire. And they were given a long run. A thousand years before their disintegration actually started to happen. And you can say, “Lets’ send down one more of our emissaries to see if he can stop it. Guess what? They crucified him.

Catch all that: Humanity killed Space Jesus and that’s why we’re going to be birthing squid babies and/or turning into Peter Skarsgard’s character from Green Lantern or however the fuck that black goo stuff works. Let’s not pretend anyone knows. Now keep in the mind, this is Ridley Scott talking about a subplot that he claims he abandoned, yet that didn’t stopped some dude on LiveJournal from writing what has basically become the most heavily-cited online Bible for why Prometheus was about Space Jesus, even though a.) the dude couldn’t figure out those snake/dick-monster things came from the worms that conveniently happened to be there (Although, he did embed some sweet YouTube videos which I’ve used liberally.) and b.) there’s absolutely no way to draw this conclusion unless Ridley Scott said something. On that note, here’s Comic Book Girl 19 shooting down the Space Jesus theory and pretty much nailing why the fuck Ridley Scott even brought it up along with highlighting the films Lovecraftian subtext in case the alien squid baby didn’t tip you off. (Can you tell I got way too fucking into this movie?):

- Prometheus as a “stand-alone” film. Kind of, but let’s not stop bullshitting everyone, Damon Lindelof. And why do I say that? Via io9:

But I do feel like, embedded in this movie are the fundamental ideas behind why it is the Engineers would want to wipe us out. [Ed. Note: Embedded so deep you need a sequel to pull them out.] If that’s the question that you’re asking. The movie asks the question, were we created by these beings? And it answers that question very definitively. [Ed. Note: No, not really. We share the same DNA is not "definitively."] But in the wake of that answer there’s a new question, which is, they created us but now they want to destroy us, why did they change their minds? That’s the question that Shaw is asking at the end of this movie, the one that she wants answered. I do think that there are a lot of hints in this movie that we give you quite an educated guess as to why. [Ed. Note: It's Christmas Eve, virgin birth, something happened "2,000 years ago," ah, fuck, you are going with Space Jesus!] But obviously not to the detriment of what Shaw might find when she goes to talk to these things herself.

Shorter Damon Lindelof: “We provided what we, the people who know what the fuck is happening so it’s super obvious to us unlike you retards, are clues to answer all the questions the movie asked – but not really, so see Prometheus 2 in theaters June 2014!” You wrote this thing to set up a sequel. Just fucking own it and don’t blow Space Jesus sunshine up our butts.

The Shit That Shat:
- The entire Prometheus crew and everything they fucking said or did. Just what a complete collection of random assholes, acting incoherently and doing horribly cliched horror movie things in a supposedly intellectual movie presupposing ancient astronauts created man not God. I could make a giant list, but I feel like the Internet has done a million of them in the three weeks since the movie came out, so let me hit the most ridiculous one: The Squid-bortion.
Minutes after pulling a goddamn alien squid fetus out of a giant, open cut in her abdomen, a half-naked, bleeding Noomi Rapace stumbles into a room full of people prepping Guy Pearce in the worst movie makeup I’ve ever seen in my life, including David who fucking knows she had an alien squid baby in her uterus, and looks at her bleeding with her stomach stapled like that shit happens every fucking day and go right back to what they were doing. Apparently, that’s the equivalent of seeing a bird in the future. “Hey, dude, how’s it going?” “Eh, some half-naked chick self-aborted an alien squid on my car again. So, catch the game?” Even worse, they’re all like, “So we’re going to talk to the Engineers?” And she’s like, “Yeah, sure, I’ll come,” and we all pretend the abortion didn’t happen until it conveniently pops back up to save the day, because again, alien squid babies being yanked out of chick’s stomach? NBD. Which brings me to:
- The xenomorph. If your vagina suddenly grew a spiked vulval wall to specifically ward off me for typing that word, a xenomorph is the alien from Alien which Prometheus started out as a direct prequel to until Damon Lindelof and Ridley Scott diluted that down to just “in the same universe.” That said, there are a lot of heavy-handed references to the Alien films, the worst one being the xenomorph, or fine, nerds, a cousin to the xenomorph, inexplicably bursting out of the Engineer’s chest after Noomi Rapace’s aborted squid-baby fucked him in the mouth. (Not an exaggeration.) It was just a horribly tacked-on scene that I’m almost positive went down like this:

RIDLEY: And that’s a wrap- Aw, fuck, I just remembered this thing is supposed to tie into Aliens. Uh, make one burst out of that Engineers’ chest.
FX GUY: That makes no sense whatsoever.
RIDLEY: Your point?

Well, I’ve rambled way too long as usual, but before I leave this bloated mess of a review, I’d like to offer up my answers to some of the lingering questions left by Prometheus. Like I’ve said, I’ve spent all weekend going over this movie, and I’m almost positive I’ve nailed what’s happening in it. So here’s what I propose an answer to:

Who are the Engineers?
Why can’t Charlize Theron run sideways especially considering she’s an android?
What was the Engineers ship made out of?
Who was David really taking orders from?
Why did Stringer Bell not give a shit about the lives of the two guys in the cave, but was willing to sacrifice himself to save the Earth?
Why did Holloway, a scientist, not immediately tell someone fucking tentacles were coming out of his eyes? Particularly the woman he just fucked and more than likely contaminated? And how, I might add.
Who created the Engineers?
Why do they really want to bomb us with black goo?

The answer to all these questions:

MICHAEL FASSBENDER’S PENIS

How do I know? Because Charlize Theron said she’ll work with it again, yet we never see it in the movie.

Or did we?

BRAHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Photo: 20th Century Fox

superficial

  1. Lemmiwinks

    The two guys in the cave weren’t Saved by the Stringer Bell? Bummer.

  2. That’s the most negative positive review of a movie I’ve ever read in my life. Just wow.

    P.S. Also watch the writing. Several sentences here didn’t make sense.

  3. Skull

    I’m pretty sure Charlize wasn’t actually an android. Remember, she boned Stringer. I don’t think androids have sex in the Alien-verse. She was also awoken from hypersleep, whereas David was obviously awake for the journey.

    • Target Lock

      One word: Sexbot!

    • Eddie Baby

      That’s the answer to why Stringer didn’t give a shit about the two crew members lost in the complex. He was nailing some high-end white robopussy. A brother has to have priorities.

      And those guys were losers anyway.

  4. I like the briefing after they wake up from stasis. You idiots didn’t know why you where going on a four year round trip?

    The big fail wasn’t the philosophy or the science (I can explain away some shit in my head), it was the common sense fails littered throughout. A ship full of total idiots.

    If David knew there were more ships then so did the Engineer, yet he chose to go attack the Bjork chick instead of getting another ship and completing his mission.

    Sigh, I just caught myself. Must not list flaws…too long….so little life….fighting urge. But seriously, that crew would have died running an Arby’s.

    • Eddie Baby

      That’s also another reason they got the bottom of the barrel as far a crew goes. Who is going to volunteer for as five-year space mission and not have any idea where they are going or what they are doing?

    • she

      they would get lost and die of hunger or dehydration in a McDonalds playplace

  5. Scooter

    I liked Elizabeth Shaw . . .

  6. nikki

    TCLTC

  7. horny

    nexplicably bursting out of the Engineer’s chest after Noomi Rapace’s aborted squid-baby fucked him in the mouth. (Not an exaggeration.) It was just a horribly tacked-on scene that I’m almost positive went down like this:-

    That was a FACEHUGGER from the movie it’s in a few movies called alien, aliens, alien 3 , alien resurrection etc. ?

    GODDAMN IT

    • Joe Mamma

      No that was not a face hugger. Face huggers are 1 to 1.5 feet in diameter, including their legs. The thing that attacked the Engineer was 6 feet across with 10 foot long tentacles. Face huggers have no tenticles.

      • Pepper

        Food for thought – you are thinking of face huggers that exist AFTER this movie. Who’s to say that through multiple generations of xenomorphs, having infected possibly multitudes of different species, couldn’t have evolved from the creature in Prometheus into the facehugger you are more familiar with? I don’t think survival of the fittest is restricted to only earth, so why couldn’t intergalactic species evolve over time?

  8. Who?

    Wow, I stopped watching that useless pink haired bitch’s review after she said “I have a tattoo, so I know my Lovecraft.” It’s that type of thinking that makes one think they have an opinion worth listening to. I have tattoos as well. I also have a fucking EDUCATION. THAT is what makes me worth listening to in my field sweetheart. But you keep on talking. I’m sure someone is listening.

    • Sebastien

      Watching that video was painful.

      She spends a minute saying how qualified her opinion is, 6 minutes going through reasons for why it IS space Jesus and then 1 minute saying how it ISN’T space Jesus and she wants answers. Talk about burying the lead.

      She didn’t curry any favor by saying how smart and well read you had to be to “get” space Jesus, even though “it totally isn’t space Jesus.”

      I did laugh when she lifted up a book as proof that she reads….

  9. EricLr

    I’m old enough to remember when Ridley Scott movies were BOTH good-looking AND not mind-numbingly fucking stupid. I’m pretty sure Tony Scott killed Ridley back in the mid-80′s and replaced him with a replicant–but then forgot to put in the brain.

  10. matt tag

    best line I’ve read so far online fits this review well – “All will be revealed in James Cameron’s Prometheuses”.

  11. Jaimedr

    Since when are you guys in the movie review business?
    You guys need to stick to your high school boy comments about famous people, and leave the movie reviews to folks that have an idea.
    Just say it sucked, and be done with it.

  12. El Jefe

    The movie was good, go see it. Stop letting other people tell you what you should and should not like or go see.

    I am not super religious or particularly religious these days but a lot of the bullshit hate aimed at this movie comes from the so called perceived religious tone of it, which if the morons would get the stick out of their ass, they would realize it is relevant and necessary to the story line and quite plausible as to what would happen in real life if suck a situation like this occurred.

    • The movie was not good, don’t waste your time. Stop letting other people dictate to you that you have to waste $9 to find out that a movie sucks. If you want to see it, go for it. If you’re on the fence, don’t bother.

      Most of the “hate” I’ve seen directed at this movie stems from the fact that every single person in the film is a goddamned idiot (which is something even people who LIKE the film usually admit). It is entirely unrealistic in almost every conceivable way. The religion shoehorned in is just another issue. It’s not the religious tones that bother most people (Blade Runner had religious undertones and it was boss), it’s the the stupidity. Sure, some of that ties into the main character’s faith-based perspective (“That’s what I choose to believe” was one of the single stupidest things said in the whole film, which is saying a lot with this movie).

      Religion completely aside, from a plot and characterization standpoint this was a fucking abysmal film. And, sure, it was very pretty, but being pretty is no excuse for being a bad film. It is legal to make a coherent work of art that is also visually appealing.

  13. Racer X

    Vickers PICKED the crew for the mission. She wanted the mission to fail in order for her father to die so she could take full control over his company. That’s my theory.

  14. Doo Doo Brown

    Comicbookgirl19 is MAGIC. love her.

  15. GrandDragon

    This movie needed Kim K in it. She could get peed on by an engineer a la Rawhead Rex

  16. DeucePickle

    I’m going to hold to my theory of that after the final movie of this sure to be trilogy comes out, this first movie will all make sense and everybody will be like, “oh shit, Ridley Scott really is a fucking genius”.
    But since a writer from LOST is involved, I’m sure it’ll end with Bob Newhart waking up from a dream, a facehugger bursts out of his chest which is then shot by J.R. Ewing.

  17. “A cool little film. . .”

    I just pictured Ridley Scott spitting coffee all over his keyboard, as he begins his morning search for pictures of Katy Perry’s cleavage.

  18. victoria

    nerd alert.

  19. Confusus

    Even actions by characters that defenders of the film say make sense are suspect when you step back and look at it.

    For instance, Stringer Bell takes the word of a hysterical archeologist and commits suicide by crashing the “Prometheus” in to the Space Jockey donut ship.

    OK, earlier in the film Stringer Bell informed Shaw, and the audience, that LV 223 was a military base where the Engineers let a WMD get away from them. That makes his kamikaze run later in the film understandable…but how does Stringer Bell learn that LV 223 was a military depot in the first place? [I will here acknowledge that Scott's films often work better with deleted scenes restored, and word has it quite a bit of "Prometheus" did not make it to the threater.]

    I wanted to like this film so bad, and the grand story and Big Questions it did not answer will hopefully be addressed in the sequel…but if Damon Lindelof has to be involved, would some basic proof-reading of the script, with the goal of making the characters’ actions believable, be too much to ask?

  20. CR

    needs proofreading.

  21. USDA Prime McBeef

    TLDR TGDC TCLTC AIAS

    • kimmykimkim

      Too long didn’t read. Totally gay don’t care? Tom Cruise loves the cock. And is a scrotum.

      Do I win?

  22. Smapdi

    Didn’t care for Prometheus, thought it was boring and predictable space horror flick. Liked Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter much better.

  23. derp

    Didn’t Vickers bring that medical pod aboard the ship? And when Shaw initially wanted to get the abortion, it said that she was the wrong gender. Why would Vickers have brought it on if she could not use it herself?

    • The answer everyone gives (and, what the film makers probably justify it with) is that the pod was for Weyland, so that’s why it was for men. The REAL question is why in an era of super-high technology was the pod ONLY designed for one sex. It’s pointless.

      The real answer is so the scene would be more dramatics/shocking.

  24. Ken

    Didn’t get past the first paragraph….. No need for the crude language…. It makes he reviewer out to be an idiot!!!

  25. Paul

    Fish, you’re my boy and I love your opinions on most things (except religion and politics), but WTF? Did you see the other Alien movies? All of the crewmembers were random assholes, the xenomorphs were never the actual source of conflict (they were a catalyst for the relevant conflict, which was mostly human psychology in survival situations). And even the dialog was an organic part of the Alien franchise. Here’s the formula for dialog in Alien movies:

    Ripley: Snarky catchphrase
    Random Asshole #1: Catchphrase!
    Random Asshole #2: Catchphrase…
    Random Asshole #3: Retort to catchphrase.
    (XENOMORPH APPEARS OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE, SPLITS ASSHOLES #1 AND #2 LENGTHWISE, DISAPPEARS)
    Ripley: Told you.
    Rinse and repeat until Ripley is technically the only survivor.
    ROLL CREDITS

  26. Smapdi

    Bah. It sucked and now people are trying to ‘film-speak’ it into something good because it was artsy and the director is well-known. Save your $$ and wait for it on Netflix.

  27. Kat

    * Sarsgaard

    Also, in the bit where you mentioned the “complete collection of random assholes, acting incoherently and doing horribly cliched horror movie things”, you didn’t mention the fact that every time Shaw falls over on her back when she’s outside (and it happened a LOT), she’d lie there for about fifteen seconds like a flipped-over tortoise for no reason other than to make shit take longer.

    Other than that, this is the most complete and accurate review of this cow pat of a film that I’ve read so far.

  28. Shuckles McFuckwit

    One of the best movie reviews I’ve ever seen in my life.

    No idea why Guy Pierce and his terrible makeup had to be in the flick, especially since Young Guy isn’t in the film. Even if he were, is there no elderly actor anywhere in the universe whose wrinkled visage could pass for an aged Guy? I mean, it’s not like every major Hollywood movie star hasn’t at some point in their career been portrayed by a plucky 9-year-old in a flashback scene.

    The chest-popper scene wasn’t the first Alien tie-in. There’s a carving of a xenomorph in the Vases of Mass Destruction room, and the Engineers are just the space jockeys from Alien. Even the ship is the same, so about halfway through the film you are aware that this is a full-on Alien prequel. As for Y U POP CHEZT scene, I think the purpose is to show that the Xenomorphs are descendants of the Engineers. (Squidbilly + Engineer = Proto-Xenomorph)

    I really hope the religious motifs were just red herrings, because a Space Jesus scenario would be rilly dum. Also, I love the “Oops, wrong planet” theory. Nerds have been trying to pinpoint LV-223′s location, and in the process may have unwittingly uncovered the fact that Ridley got the layout of the star cluster on the cave paintings from the “star map” drawn by Betty Hill of the infamous “Hill Abduction”. Check the forums for that, it’s great stuff, especially since none of the fanboys accept it because “there’s just no way this is where Ridley got the idea.”

    • McNasty

      Pretty clear to me that we are going to see (either in a deleted scene, on BluRay or a flashback in a sequel, or in a… PREQUEL TO THE PREQUEL…!) a young Weyland, played by Guy Pearce. Also keep in mind that Patrick Wilson plays Shaw’s father in her memory towards the beginning of the film. Why bother casting these two if they aren’t going to have greater roles? I’m betting on a flashback-heavy sequel. Though a prequel-to-the-prequel would be pretty hilarious.

  29. d.Vader

    Actually you CAN deduce Jesus had something to do with the Engineers wanting to wipe out humanity (if that’s what they were planning on doing). The scientists tells us the Space Jockey body is 2000 years old, meaning everything went to shit 2000 years ago before they planned to take off for Earth.

    And what was the major event to happen on Earth 2000 years ago? Jesus (if you believe he existed). I thought about that on the way out of the theater. Ridley Scott doesn’t need to explain that to come to that conclusion.

  30. D.Vader

    Imagine the Alien movies don’t exist. Now imagine you see Prometheus and that final shot with the Xenomorph plays out. What would you think it means? I would think its saying that life will continue to evolve and mutate beyond any one’s plans or design, and the ramifications for that suggest that we are not planned, that we too could have been an accident, just as the deacon xenomorph at the end is.

    That final shot is far from non-sensical, and I’m sorry you see it that way.

  31. steve

    Please stop trying to figure this movie out. There is nothing to figure out. It was written with all this stuff that doesn’t make sense on purpose.

    Damon Lindelof was part of Lost and co-wrote Prometheus. He is all about writing stuff that doesn’t make sense or have answers/closure.

    If you google him, he looks like an asshole that needs to be punched.

    This whole unanswered questions theme in writing is such a cop out. It is a fake way to pretend a movie/story has depth and substance. But really, it just has a bunch of bullshit that doesn’t make sense.

  32. Pepper

    The first thing that I immediately thought upon leaving the theater…and I surprisingly haven’t seen this talked about regularly in any postings…is what, exactly, did David actually say to the Engineer? I know none of us can speak that language so none of us knows. What if he said “Hey, these guys figured out where your people live and they are going to fly this WMD ship straight there and destroy everything you love!!” Why would David say that? Because he can…

    • Pepper

      For all we know, the Engineer may have been totally friendly if David hadn’t of spoken. Maybe the WMD’s were never intended for Earth, maybe the Engineer was so hostile because he thought the humans were the bad guys. Maybe David gave a bad translation and it was an innocent mistake…I think of this story from a past language teacher, where he was dining with his host family and was trying to compliment the dessert the wife had made but mistakenly said “your wife’s breasts are wonderful!”…things got tense very quickly.

      • McNasty

        I had a similar reaction. Interesting, but I like the theory that David sabotaged them somehow. We see him taking orders from someone else while Weyland was still asleep. At the film’s end Shaw puts all of her faith in him (granted, she didn’t have many other options), but he could absolutely have some greater agenda.

      • Balorati

        I was pretty sure that David was communicating with Weyland through the same device that enabled him to look in to Shaw’s dreams. It was the same helmet he was wearing, and he was near a sleeping pod.

  33. Asegard

    Such a nerd review

  34. Rowland

    The real and most prudent question to ask us is what did the robot really translate to the Engineer that made him react that way towards the old man?

  35. Deacon Jones

    Just saw it, couple observations…
    That opening scene was definitely earth. The same cliff and waterfall was shown in both scenes.

    Also, smuggling Shaw back impregnated was confusing, until David admitted he wanted to kill his parents, poor subplot all the same though…

    So this ship that lands with its tail fins sticking up on an angle at the end is a different ship from the one in Alien?? And if not, where are the human bodies in Alien when they go on the ship?

    And there was no black goo in Alien, they were spread by the pods themselves.

  36. Joaquin ingles

    Saw it opening day at the midnight showing. Never looked forward to a movie as much as I did for this one. Man what a disappointment.

  37. creepZzZz

    Listen, I’m not saying this is a 100% accurate portrayal of what I thought an Alien prequel would look like, but… consider this whole Prometheus is set to be a trilogy. That in mind, while looking closely it begins to show quite a bit of info that ties with Alien. Notice the whole blaCK goo-big head statue room looks like a shrine, where conveniently we have sitting in an almost crucified position a xenomporph, and a pretty alien-franchise looking one, that in mind I believe that the engineers, obviously hard with everything bio-genetical would have tried to replicate this “perfect organism” (remember Alien 1 quote). The black goo is a DNA altering substance that the engineers were using hoping to get at least close to the xenomorph. Notice their costumes also have xenomorph motifs integrated. WHY they wanted to exterminate us, maybe has kinda something to do with religion in a sence that we had stopped worshipping them a long time ago (since ancient times) and became all monotheistic religious ungrateful pricks that use our inherent intelligence to mingle with the sinthetic (why I think he ripped David’s head off, noticing he is something artificial, robotic, and not a natural biologically based being). By the time the trilogy will be over we’ll be all drooling, I bet. Good movie, but the best is yet to come imo. Cheers!

  38. creepZzZz

    A MURAL depicting a franchise xenomorph in an almost crucified position is what I meant…

  39. Mark

    The dumbness in this movie is insulting.

    They mysteries are superficial at best, and the entire tone of the movie is that of a highschool horror.

    How hard could it be to just emulate the atmosphere of Alien 1 if Scott wanted to?

    And where is the BIG reveal in the end we’re waiting for? Nowhere…

    The sheer ammount of highschool horror nonsense ruins a movie that could have been one of the greatest movies ever.

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