Prince Harry’s girlfriend learns the time-honored tradition of royal bikinification

December 30th, 2008 // 66 Comments

These are pics of Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy vacationing on the island of Mauritius. Man, if I were in the royal family, I’d knight my own penis then chivalrously have my way with everything from Big Ben to the Queen of England. I mean, sure, Chelsy is alright, I guess. But does she tell time on top of Parliament or look like my grandmother? Then I bid you “nay.” Sir Cockerton of PantsHugely demands satisfaction! Here here!


  1. dawd


  2. mike


  3. andrea




    I’d rather see Prince William than a burnt ginger.

  4. Sam

    Nice body, but her face is like Miss Piggy.

  5. This Poster

    Anyone posting after This Poster sucks on the Prince’s Hairy royal penis and swallows his majestic wine

  6. This Poster

    Hey guys. Whoops, did I post again? Guess I’ll have to suck on the Prince’s Hairy royal penis. I’ll try not to enjoy it too much. Who am I kidding, I just soaked my pants thinking about it.

  7. woodhorse

    Prince Harry needs a manbra and his girlfriend needs to remove the tag from her bikini top.

  8. Britsarebest

    @ 7 – You need to look at yourself you fat septic!

  9. Looking good. Nice job, Harry.

  10. The Crown

    Glad to see prince fairys fornicating

  11. It's Me Fuckers

    I’d let him fuck me… knock me up then I’d be set for life just by carrying his bastard child… a plan forms…. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  12. James

    Great bod, but I think Sam might be onto something. Maybe it’s just a poor choice in sunglasses, but in pics #6 and #8, the schnozz is not looking so hot.

    Doesn’t mean I could do better, but hey, I’m not a prince.

  13. Stalkalina

    That chick is awfully young for hair loss! Look at her part.. big wide bald space! She should date Wiliam lol

  14. Perpetual_Stiffy

    Is it me or is that the top of her bush in the last pic? Talk about “Full Growth”

  15. spotted dick

    his hair is probably what lindsay lohans pubic hairs look like lol

  16. Rachiz

    K, genius its called a tan line, nobody’s pubes are that white unless they’re a granny! and about her face, what’re you gunna do, shes British.

  17. soahc

    Looking scrumdidleiumptous! She’s begging for a dick bigger than Harry’s. Like mine. I should know, we measured once in boarding school.

  18. Keeping up the British end, nice work Harry.

  19. Binky

    Binky: Hereditary Rule in the 21st century.
    These English fox chasers are always good for a few laughs.
    But I’ve often wondered if the boys ever had any questions about that White Fiat Uno….
    Kinda like Caroline Kennedy. Congress, concluded in the late seventies there was a conspiracy to kill your father CK. Did you and the late John boy ever get the OJ idea of ‘trying to find the ‘real killers’ ?
    Maybe you could even sober up Uncle Ted and call him ‘Dick Tracey’ to help pick things up.
    CK : No Binky. We’re still rich. No complaints here. Appoint me to Senate NY.
    Binky : Oh.

  20. grobpilot

    Looks like a great pair of tits but, is that tissue paper stuffing peeking out the left side?

  21. Walkere

    I want her bikini……….harry’s a douche bag

  22. Mika

    Um… some of those pictures look cut/pasted into each other (see images 5+6), unless Harry is really twice the size of everyone else in the world.

  23. The kid inherit everything including that peace of tail,,,what nice work idiot #18

  24. itown

    @22 Those pics def look photoshopped, I don’t know much about photography, but I do know that when something is farther away, it should be smaller…..

  25. WELL, I’m honoured to discuss some things here!!

  26. pedantic fucker

    here here?
    i think you mean “hear hear”

  27. Britsarebest

    @ 12 She is actually South African!

  28. The Laughing G-D

    @27 That still makes her British

  29. Britsarebest

    What makes her British? That she is from South Africa?

  30. EuroNeckPain

    She is cute. And classy. Nice bikini.
    And he looks so much like James Hewitt.

  31. Tlady

    Umm no….she is from Zimbabwe. Her dad is in Mugabes’ pocket. Jus another Zimbo who went to college in South Africa.

  32. Fuzz

    God save the queen.

  33. Oxymoron

    Must say, Ole Chap, mighty fine way to wake up! Nice firm breasts and pale English wench for breakfast. Cheerio.

    But, with that said, I don’t quite understand the oxymoronic writers at this site as of late. The phrase ‘chivalrously have my way with everything…’ is quite the oxymoron. Chivalry is “Characterized by consideration and courtesy, especially toward women”. It seems that, not only does this writer have mother issues and teenie weenie complexes, as well as a deep seeded inferiority complex associated with his abnormal use of language as a crutch, he is just not funny as of late…

    But, then again, I also read the articles in Hustler every month.

  34. shawk

    Congrats on being nominated for Weblog’s best gossip blog of 2008.

  35. she’s hot, but he could do better.. either way if he’s happy then so be it.

  36. The Truth

    I bet she’s riding his best friend in pic 7.

  37. The Truth

    Sorry meant pic 5.

  38. royals are soulless

    Oh Fish you so funny, or do we have to call you Sir Cockerton of PantsHugely now?

    Now on to the superficial breakdown of dis ho’s body.
    Face: is fug, miss piggy is correct.
    Hair: acceptable for the beach does not look dead, like another busty beach skank.
    Body: Pretty damn good, except no waist definition.
    Weird stuff: Yes their is always something weird about these skanks (like Katy Perry’s bikini bottom crotch stain, and with this royal whore it’s the appearance of kleenex stuffed into her bikini top, is that a tag or are you just insecure?

  39. royals are soulless


    Her hair is thinning and weak, still it doesn’t look like it feels like a toothebrush like Katy Perry’s, but still female pattern balding is almost as nasty as male balding.

  40. Pink

    You sure thats a tag on her bikini top….TOILET PAPER!!!!!! See she never gets in the water over her hips! Maybe her Prince Charming should get her a real boob job rather than just buying her Charmin!

  41. royals are soulless

    “chivalrously have my way with everything” is part of the joke, because obviously it’s not remotely chivalrous to fuck everything in sight. It’s like saying I am strikingly gorgeous, funny, generous, brilliant, and incredibly humble (which, side fact, is actually true BTW).
    Another example: I am a true gentleman because I always order for my date
    ( “1 salad for the lady”, it’s a cheap ‘meal’ and she was looking a little tubby anyway, see I care about HER needs). Also I am extremely chivalrous because I always hold the door open for a girl when I kick her out of my apartment after sex.

  42. Alex

    Yup.. piggy looking, I would deffo get rid of her and take her place in a heart bit.

  43. My Review of the Muppets Go To The Beach

    My Review Of the muppets go to the beach:

    These muppet specials just keep getting cheaper and cheaper. The muppets go to the beach was a terrible disappointment. Since the loss of Henson they just don’t have that same magic. The guest stars just aren’t working. Maybe if they could have at least gotten Prince William it would have been a little more enjoyable, but we had to deal with his hapless, less atttractive younger brother who really doesn’t sing or dance very well, his rendition of Calfornia Girl was just horrid and I am still trying to figure out why he did it in a full nazi soldier uniform.
    Now Miss Piggy was the highlight, which isn’t saying much. She looks a little ruff these days, wear and tear seem to be getting to her and it was hard to not be distracted by the obvious stuffing falling out of her bikini top. She looks trimmer than she has in previous muppet movies, but her hair looks a little worn and thin, perhaps kermit tugs on it a little too hard these days when he’s giving her the old green salute (that reptilian viagra can make a frog a little crazy in the sac I hear). Speaking of the green Tom Cruise, where was kermit? Another example of how cheap these specials have gotten as of late.

    My rating:
    Two limp dicks (or to be politically correct two nipples pointing south, you feminists should appreciate that), sorry folks, but this one just isn’t worth the time.

  44. Jen

    OMFG at #27. FAIL. Quick Geography lesson:


  45. CakeSniffer

    Face definitely looks bent in these pix – obviously a subject for further research.

  46. CakeSniffer

    Face definitely looks bent in these pix – obviously a subject for further research.

  47. For those of you thinking her face is fugs you are 100% correct. Click my name and check these links. Yowzaa that ain’t pretty. Jesus man for a prince he sure isn’t taking advantage of his options, don’t stupid hot bitches love fairytale romance shit like that aren’t they always wearing I’m a princess t-0-shirts and shit, so clearly they would give it all up to date a prince, even the fulgier younger one who isn’t inline for the thrown. Pince William has been dating the same girl for like 6 years and Harry has been dating this chick for like4 years I mean really what is that about. Have a little fun first, but I guess the way these royals do it, is they commit at a young age and then have buttloads of mistresses, butt ugly ones, but what can you do. these men just don’t know how to enjoy their options.

  48. Mike

    A female Elton John

  49. Randal

    @38, 39, 41 – royals are soulless

    Fish, is that you? You don’t have to explain your dry humor to us. It is beautiful and appropriate without being ugly and harsh. A fine mix of your intense intellect and your dashing manliness.

    I look forward to a spanking good 2009, pray you win the Weblog award and if you ever need a place to put that knighted penis, I will surely bend over for you.

    Your friend,


  50. Ginch

    Face is really bad, She looks like a dude.

    Tight body though. Stroking now.

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