Here’s One Way To Distract From The Royal Nipples

“Ah, yes, racism. Racism will keep the local systems in line. Or at least not looking at my wife’s tits- Wait, is that a smartphone? Dammit! Alright, then, who wants blankets? Warm, soothing to the smell blankets you want to be sure to inhale deeply from. You take’em big breaths.”

Alternate Caption: Gwyneth Paltrow just came.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty