Post Thanksgiving catch-up

November 24th, 2006 // 51 Comments
heidi-klum-seal.jpg

Sorry for the late start. I woke up in the middle of Time Square covered in gravy and wearing a Santa costume (don’t ask). Which is especially weird considering I live in California. I’m gonna keep things light today since most people are either buying stuff or waiting in line to buy stuff. I wasn’t even gonna update but I figure I’ve got some free time so why not. Anyway here’s what’s been happening while you were filling your stomach with giant dead birds.

Heidi Klum and Seal gave birth to a baby boy. Hopefully to one that looks slightly less skilled at burrowing than their first.

David Blaine escaped from his gyroscope. A sentence I say practically every week.

Tawny Kitaen has been charged with possessing 15 grams of cocaine. When asked for comment Tawny said, “Who the hell am I? Was I in a movie or something? TV show? Working the register at Target?”

superficial

  1. FeverDog

    uh er .. so

  2. crabbie

    David Blaine lived. I guess Jesus isn’t listening to me after all.

    http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com

  3. Bioplant

    How come the people that post in these threads are rarely seen in the forums?

    And how come the posters in the forums are rarely seen in these threads?

    It just doesn’t make sense, does it, sugar tits? 50 years ago you’d be upside down with a fork, spoon, and chopsticks up your ass!

  4. I was filling my stomach with stuffing…cooked inside a dead bird

    http://www.celebslam.com

  5. JoBOO

    Sweet Fancy Moses!

    What is that crap on Seal’s face?

  6. NipsyHustle

    joBoo

    apparently he had lupus as a child and those are the scars. but hey, if it gets you a supermodel, why fix it? he’s banging heidi klum every night WITHOUT having to fix his face…sounds like he’s a champ!

  7. The little Seal-pup has far too many names.

    http://www.veryliberating.com

  8. pop

    heidi should move to canada – we club baby seals here…..but that ugly mofo out of it’s misery….

    http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

  9. BLucky

    Let’s just get one thing straight for all the obnoxious, pregnant couples out there.

    HEIDI GAVE BIRTH! Seal just got her knocked up.

    Last time I checked, the man doesn’t push anything out of his goodies.

  10. JoBOO

    Hey Nipsey — I’m with you on that.

    TCLTC

  11. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I’m glad I have people like Tawny Kitane around reminding me of the importance of aging gracefully.
    I’m also glad I have the Superficial around so I have something to do while my porn is downloading.

  12. I’m happy for Seal and Heidi, they make such a great couple!Congrats to them!

  13. arden

    Number nine: Yuck. We need to ship you off to where the seals live . . .Congrats to the new parents.

  14. the-man-himself

    She even recorded a christmas song called “wonderland”.

  15. Tawny is a rapid cycling bi-polar who self medicates through speed and booze. Nothing new there. I have to say she did look good on the hood of that car back in the day.

    As for waking up in the middle of Time Square covered in gravy and wearing a Santa costume, now that is the way to celebrate Turkey day!

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com

  16. Heidi Skum = Negro-loving white whore. The baby probably was born with AIDS.

  17. kaerbear

    TNB Alerts has probably great grammar.

  18. NipsyHustle

    #17

    excuse me, are you “bitter” party of one? i’m looking for “bitter” party of one. is that you? it must be you because you sure fit the description. cruel, catty, riddled with jealousy and disappointed wit your life.

  19. sexybitch

    #19
    I think TNB passed Bitter last week and trucked straight on through to Downtown Malignant.
    That’s the sort of ‘tude that’ll earn you cancer from the Karma police.

  20. MizScarlett

    #17 –
    (cringe) Oh, honey, did your mammy drop you on your fool head? Perhaps you didn’t get the memo, but the old Mandingo days are quite over. Let’s at least TRY and live in modern times, shall we?

    (You poor, benighted sonofabitch!)

  21. Candycane

    The German government issued some kind of law the Heidi couldn’t procreate with anyone more attractive than Seal.

    See, she is so damn gorgeous that making a baby with someone good looking would be a danger to society…

    The child would be so good looking the nations would bow down to it.

    And no one wants that.

  22. danielle

    What does TNB stand for?….the nut buster perhaps? No, too simple. Ahh..”tormented-nasty-blister”? No, too complicated and drawn out.

    Sheesh. Mind filling me in? I can’t think of any more horrid names for your ignorant ass. There’s always a troll like you roaming through the threads and posting rude and ridiculous comments for 15 seconds of attention.

    Get a life, and keep your day job hun.

  23. danielle

    *17

    BTW- What a pathetic link. Your website should be shut the hell down. Your cowardly ass can create a web site dedicated to that shitty nonsense but I bet if you were to confront someone about your idiotic viewpoints you’d have a foot in your ass.

    It’s people like you who don’t deserve to breathe because your wasting air that could be used for other purposes.

  24. When’s Blaine gonna do a magic trick again? Ever?

  25. Ruby

    LOL danielle! “The nut buster”! HA!I was thinking more along the lines of “Twisted Neutered Ballsack” or “Tom the Newfie Banker” or “Tempermental Naked Bastard”.

    Whatever he/she is, it ain’t right.

  26. danielle

    hehehehe?

  27. booga-booga

    # 10
    the man does indeed push something out from his goodies, a steamed wad of baby-batter. And what is this shit about “HEIDI GAVE BIRTH”?

    You don’t thank the stove when you get a delicious meal do you? You thank the chef.

  28. More like, David Blaine escaped from his…gyno-scope…hahahaahahahahah not funny.

    youtuberoast.com

  29. enfilade

    Why does blaine need to perform some stupid stunt for target to give a shopping spree to kids? Why not… you know.. just give them it, without the stupid blaine crap.

    http://www.scandalsnappers.com/

  30. BarbadoSlim

    15 grams hmmm….sounds about right for a quick wake-up fix after a long night.

  31. Danielle, you must be a negress. Can’t take the troof, can ya? There is this thing called “free speech”. So get over it. Oh yeah, STFU and GFY commie negress.

  32. BarbadoSlim

    Yawn

  33. Big Fig

    Oh #17. Please get a hobby and stop blaming other races because you suck at life. I have a black father, and a white (German) mother. I also happen to be incredibly good looking and all around fabulous. The best of both worlds. Don’t be jealous.

  34. shankyouverymuch

    LORDDDDD ALL MIGHTY!!! … Seal has to be the UGLIEST motherfucken nigger on planet earth, bar none! … I just will NEVER understand the choices some of these ultra hot model types make !?!?!

  35. BarbadoSlim

    “motherfucken’ nigger” aside, this has nothing to do with race, it has to do with the “guy with a guitar syndrome.” Notice how any douchebag with a guitar (or poetry notebook and a black turtleneck) on campus can bed the hottest poosey even if he’s a lowlife unbathed loser. Why? oh, ’cause he’s such an artistic soul, or he’s so dark, or he’s such an old soul ,or blah blah blah. Bottom line, women like artists.

    In Seal’s case I gotta admit, dude can sing .

  36. cynicalheretic

    Always nice, when the worlds ugliest man and the worlds hottest woman get together and procreate. Make for average baby, and thats what the worlds needs, more average people.

  37. sexybitch

    Dear God, don’t let Kate Moss and Peter Doherty read post #37!
    Thank you and Amen.

  38. bluehairchick

    I’ll admit: first baby boy wasn’t the cutest at first, but he has improved with time.

    I’m sure boy #2 will end up being a cutie eventually.

    http://www.findmebaby.com/Megan

  39. RichPort

    #3 – That was very fucking Zen of you. You have caused my vertigo to flare up… thanks for that. I actually only realized there were forums recently, but figured that would involve way too much typing…

    For David Blane’s next daring magical achievement, I say he swallows 40 condoms full of coke (or more if he’s not a fucking pussy) and tries to see how many cities he can visit without either being arrested or toen open like bear on a salmon. All proceeds should benefit the “I’m Too Fucking Stupid to Know When to Stop Foundation”. Operators are standing by.

  40. RichPort

    Toen, torn, tomato, tomahto, same fucking difference.

  41. 86

    Tawney Kitaen, huh? Wow I so wanted to be her for a minute in the 80′s.

  42. PrettyBaby

    Hi Guys and Dolls, Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. On to Business…

    Everyone, please look at this asshole #17′s website. ‘Jesse Jascoon’?! How fucking stupid. It’s not even clever. Negress?! hahahha Thanks for that comedy. Your website now will be for my comic relief right nest to Sarah Jean’s. Oh and thanks SSOOO much for “keeping us aware” You are ridiculous. I know your woman left you for a “Negro” huh?! Poor baby..

  43. PrettyBaby

    #37 cynicalheretic I sooo agree with that! But as I always say, you know they have very hot, sweaty, juicy sex (sorry TNB, cover your ears darlin) with lots o’ pumping, pussy eating and come flying everywhere. With sex like that, we will continue to see average babies from them for along time to come.

  44. llllllllll

    two words: MONSTER FACE

  45. llllllllll

    two words: MONSTER FACE

  46. member223

    Did anybody see the CNN headline for this event?

    “Heidi Klum gives birth to Seal’s baby”

    I don’t know about you, but I was amused.

  47. NipsyHustle

    what’s even crazier is that seal’s parents named him “seal”. did they not see this coming?

    The funny thing is, it doesn’t matter that he has a “monster face” because it obviously got him a hotter wife than any sap on here can hope for. I’m sure that makes the sex even more stellar when he’s burrowing out her hot, wet, hungry, hole that quivers for his member. she probably rides him like a stallion in complete ecstasy at how amazing this ogre can be in the sack.

    if my lot in life were a decent face and an average girl or a crater face and a supermodel wife, i’d say bring on the craters.

  48. wedgeone

    Un . . . friggin un!

    Thx Fish for the props again – I sent you that article on Tawny’s coke bust on Friday morning while you were still sleeping off the Wednesday night drinking binge & LiLo’s Robert Altman rant was the latest post on your site. Obviously you are more interested in your own glamour than doing what is right and just and giving props to those who supply you with articles.

    If I ever meet you, I’ll be sure to bust off my foot in your ass!

  49. PontiacFlanagan

    I heard the way Seal got those scars is when he was a kid his face was on fire and they tried putting it out with a steak knife.

  50. shankyouverymuch

    #50

    I heard, his face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out while wearing
    waffle-stomper boots… when that didn

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