The Pope Just Excommunicated The Entire Mafia

“It’sa me, Pope-isher.”

Barely a week after broadcasting that he’s ditched The Popemobile, crazy sonofabitch Pope Francis (Castle *chk-chk*) literally excommunicated the entire Mafia during an outdoor mass in a city where he was warned he’ll be shot in the Pope-face. Which sounds pretty fucking badass until you realize at least twice a week I step foot inside a Target and/or Walmartin America. BOOSH. But enough about how huge my testicles are because this is another in a series of surprising moves by a Pope who’s already pissed in the face of capitalism, encouraged gay rights (kind of), and offered to baptize aliens. Literal space aliens. He’s really making people look at the Catholic Church differently unless, of course, you’ve been raped as a kid by the church. You’re probably gonna need to see a little more zazz. “Can he make the Statue of Liberty disappear?” I bet you’re thinking.

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Tags: Pope Francis