The Pope Just Excommunicated The Entire Mafia

June 23rd, 2014 // 15 Comments
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“It’sa me, Pope-isher.”

Barely a week after broadcasting that he’s ditched The Popemobile, crazy sonofabitch Pope Francis (Castle *chk-chk*) literally excommunicated the entire Mafia during an outdoor mass in a city where he was warned he’ll be shot in the Pope-face. Which sounds pretty fucking badass until you realize at least twice a week I step foot inside a Target and/or Walmartin America. BOOSH. But enough about how huge my testicles are because this is another in a series of surprising moves by a Pope who’s already pissed in the face of capitalism, encouraged gay rights (kind of), and offered to baptize aliens. Literal space aliens. He’s really making people look at the Catholic Church differently unless, of course, you’ve been raped as a kid by the church. You’re probably gonna need to see a little more zazz. “Can he make the Statue of Liberty disappear?” I bet you’re thinking.

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  1. No, the Pope did not excommunicate the Mafia.

    But nice clickbait.

    “Francis’ critique of the mafia should not be seen as an official excommunication, according to Chris Haw, author of Jesus for President and a PhD student in theology at Notre Dame. In Roman Catholicism, an official excommunication is a strict censure that deprives the excommunicated of fellowship with the rest of the Church body. When a Church member is excommunicated, she is usually not allowed to take communion. Excommunication, though severe, is not irreversible. According to Canon Law, the censure is “medicinal,” meaning it’s given to a Catholic in the hopes of urging him to repentance.

    As Haw explained it to me, the Pope’s comment was “just something he said in a homily — which is not a vehicle for disciplinary pronouncements.” Further, excommunication is “only for individuals,” and not entire organizations. Rather, said Haw, what Francis was doing was simply describing the “self-excommunication” the ‘Ndrangheta is already experiencing because of their “serious sin.”"

    • so your saying the Pope’s anti-mafia Patronus Charm isn’t really going to do anything?

    • meaningless ‘ooga booga’ bullshit of religion aside, the guy called out the Mafia for being the hypocrites they are. apparently you’re getting bogged down in semantics. his sentiment got across just fine, no matter how anyone tries to spin it as not being ‘official’.

      I like this new pope’s balls. I just hope he doesn’t get shot.

      • It’s not an “unofficial excommunication”, it’s not an excommunication. It’s not an excommunication at all.

        The Pope could excommunicate the heads of the crime families. That’d take some real courage. He’s just grandstanding.

        Pope Francis is also *not* this “progressive” the Church wants you to believe:

        “While the pope transmits a populist vibe—particularly about the economy— he is an old-school conservative who, despite his great PR, maintains nearly all of the socialpolicies of his predecessors and keeps up a hardline Vatican “cabinet.” He has done virtually nothing to change the policies of the church to match his more compassionate rhetoric. People excuse the pope, claiming that he doesn’t have much power to make changes, but this simply isn’t true. Further, it is ludicrous to suggest that a man who denies comprehensive reproductive health care (including all forms of birth control including condoms and abortion) and comprehensive family planning is a man who cares about the poor of this world. The bigotry of homophobia and sexism cloaked in religion are still bigotry and sexism. By giving to the church, American Catholics aren’t supporting “progress,” they are supporting oppression and in this way are complicit in the bigotry, sexism, and oppression of the church.”

        “On January 17, 2014, Politico pointed out that in an interview given by the pope in August 2013, and published in September of that year, “Pope Francis said the church did not have to talk about gay marriage and abortion all the time.” And yet, “the very next day [after the interview was published] Francis condemned abortion as ‘unjust.’” Furthermore, after the interview was given, a week before its publication, the pope excommunicated a priest from Melbourne, Australia, Greg Reynolds, for advocating for female clergy and gay marriage. Pope Francis’s seemingly understanding words about gay marriage and abortion were sandwiched in between two events that completely undermined that message. Pope Francis is wise, though, to grab headlines that make him seem less homophobic than his predecessors, because in the United States, home of the church’s funding base, most Catholics support marriage equality.”

        Pope Francis I, future Patron Saint of World Class Bullshit

      • So basically, no matter what he says or does, it’s never going to be good enough for you. Got it.

      • Steve just likes reading his own comments while jacking off. It’s an elaborate jack off game that’s better suited for The Guardian than here. But Steve has apparently decided our little Mos Eisley Cantina of internet liars is a refuge for Larsson.

      • Pope Francis I will be “good enough” when he makes substantive changes instead of his smoke-and-mirrors act.

      • Nerdy

        You know? Sometimes I really think you’re a batshit crazy feminist but you totally nailed it on this one. Before being Pope, Francisco Bergoglio used to be very open about his antigay policies, by saying for example, that “gay weddings were a devil’s move”. Or plain mysogynist by stating “women were naturally inept to be in political stances”

        Google it. It’s all there.

        You know what would be badass? Him coming to Mexico and excommunicating drug cartels. Those fuckers are catholic as hell and even get blessings from the Mexican church so they can behead and rape while having the Virgin Mary carved in their guns.

    • Have I missed something? Has not all the Popes distanced themselves from the Mafia or its activities as evil. But then returned back to the safety of Rome/Vatican? Yes this Pope is different but when he(they) embrace pro-abortion, gays and marriage for priest , I will pay close attention/kudos to Christianity.

  2. micro

    War Zone!

  3. Vox is still around? I didn’t know people still blogged through that site.

  4. Championed gay rights? Sorta like championing civil rights by making separate but equal water fountains.

  5. Al Pacino

    Yeah right. Jesuits run the world, Media/lies (through the Knights of Malta), Black Pope is the puppet master of the pope, and run the mafia etc.

  6. Juch

    Gosh Fish, if you’d just stock the xxl sizes of panties instead of trying them on, maybe Target and/or Walmart would hire you to work more than twice week.

  7. Cool Pope. This is the kind of guy that despite his huge influence, comes off as someone that wouldn’t be intimidating to meet. That is a rare quality. Not to mention he has been progressive in a way that makes the past advancements in social change by the Church look glacial.

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