So The Pope Definitely Met Kim Davis
“Do you even Pope, bro?”
After initially refusing to confirm or deny reports that Kim Davis met with Pope Francis, the Vatican has officially admitted that, okay, yeah, he met with her after Kim Davis forced their hand by immediately running to ABC News and blabbing about it. Which is incredible considering most evangelicals believe the Catholic Church is the Whore of Babylon, but they’d probably blow Satan’s dick if it’ll stop a gay wedding. Anyway, even more incredible is the Pope’s troll game because he just spent weeks making Republicans’ heads explode with all his crazy talk of taking care of the poor people like Jesus specifically instructed and saying global warming is real, so maybe stop fucking up God’s planet he made for us. The Left was going nuts over him, and then 24 hours before he’s about to bounce, he goes, “Oh, by the way, totally on board with that Kim Davis shit. She’s great,” and then flies away laughing his Pope-dick off after winding her back up again. At this point, I’m almost convinced he sits around the Vatican cranking out South Park episodes.
“Okay, in-a this one, Cartman, he-a opens a pizza shop, but he-a no want-a to pay-a the workers a living wage, which is obviously-a wrong-a and how you say? Dickish thing a to a do-a. But! He also no want-a to serve-a Kyle because he’s a Jew, and that is-a Cartman’s religious right to do. Which is a very important, but we’ll-a somehow make it a funny, so people go onto the-a Internet and say a things like, ‘Why-a you be a such-a faggot about a this?’ and no one will agree on anything. I a love it!”
(I will never not make the Pope talk like an Italian stereotype. NEVER.)