Police: Lindsay Lohan Was Drunk or High in Rehab

January 5th, 2011 // 37 Comments

Palm Desert police are adamant that Lindsay Lohan violated her probation the night she allegedly attacked a Betty Ford employee and are now certain she was definitely drunk – or even high – at the time, because they’re rational human beings with functioning logic centers. TMZ reports:

Sources say the cops believe Lindsay was under the influence of drugs or alcohol — which would be a violation of her probation in the Beverly Hills DUI case. And they believe she violated probation by refusing to submit to a breathalyzer.

Except now Lindsay’s accuser Dawn Holland issued a statement today saying absolutely nothing happened and confirming the Lohan storyline that Lindsay was the one who called the cops, according to RadarOnline:

“It is important to note that it was Ms. Lohan, and not Ms. Holland who called 911 on December 12th. Had Ms. Lohan not called 911 – this incident never would’ve been public knowledge, let alone criminally investigated.
“Ms Holland has long held that recovery is not always a pretty process and the workings of a recovery center have never been for the faint of heart. As a recovering addict herself, Ms. Holland is proud of Lindsay for making the always difficult voyage toward recovery.
“Had the interaction between these two ladies occurred in front of a police officer anywhere in this Country, no probation would’ve been violated, no arrests would’ve been made and certainly no criminal charges would have been filed. The recent reports of criminality and probation violations are much adieu about nothing.”

Why do I get the feeling if you walked into Dawn Holland’s house right now you’d find Ali Lohan chained to the stove washing her dishes? No, really, at first I thought Dina just paid her off, but then I realized there’s no way Lindsay’s credit cards have enough balance to cover this level of cooperation. This is clearly one of those times where only white slavery will do the trick, but then again, that’s been my solution for everything lately. *tries to unjam printer* Dammit! Where’s a kidnapped Ukrainian girl when you need one?

Photos: Bauer-Griffin


  1. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    *makes big eyes as if in shock*

  2. Howard the Duck

    I bet it was quack cocaine.

  3. nahhhhh

    Because I come here for the high level of journalistic integrity, I’m compelled to point out it’s the Palm Desert and not Palm Springs PD involved.

  4. American Bandersnatch

    “much adieu about nothing”
    Shakespeare rolls in his grave

  5. In other news, humans need air to live. Film at 11.

  6. cc

    Didn’t Nostradamus predict this? Oh, my bad, it was everybody BUT Nostradamus.

  7. lightdragon

    the things this twenty er fourty something will do for an additional two minutes of fame.

  8. Nerd

    Even the OMG Cat meets this with disinterest.

  9. j-sin

    Pfft, like this shit will stick.

  10. GravyLeg

    This is one of those situations where the police need to shoot first and ask questions later….

  11. LJ

    Ms. Holland’s statement confirms the HUGE payment from the Lohan Family.

  12. Why use the word “or” when the word “and” is much more appropriate.

    • Saturday

      Actually, snacks, I was wondering the same thing:
      Is it legally defensible to insist that one is not “drunk or high” when one is drunk and high?

  13. kick

    The Betty Ford thugs got to Dawn Holland.

  14. What a stupid bitch

    I’m so sick of lindsay lohan & her stupid fucking drama. Bitch apparently can’t follow anyone’s rules. Someone please just shoot her in the head & have done with it…

  15. Ms. Holland was not paid off. She was dealt with via the much more dignified route of extortion. Either she recant her accusations and stand by Lilo’s version, or it’s front-page tabloid exclusives about her secret romantic rendezvous’ with super-stud Michael Lohan.
    The clock is slowly winding down to the finale of this sad tale, It is only a matter of time until real innocent blood is spilled because of these blithering dolts. What a waste of protoplasm.

  16. Ed

    Just let her have the drugs. Then she can O.D. and the case will finally be closed. The world would be such a better place without this family of attention whores.

  17. Linday Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Skank! The other, other, other white meat.

  18. wim

    there are still americans alive who believe in her?

  19. Fish really hates Lindsay doesn’t he? lmao …

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