Police: Lindsay Lohan Violated Probation

“But… but… I’m so pretty.”

Despite the fact her accuser suddenly refused to cooperate with police before falling off the face of the Earth – Read: Dina paid her off – Palm Spring Police announced today they have enough evidence to charge Lindsay Lohan with battery effectively putting her in violation of her probation. As if that even means something. People reports:

Police now assert the actress did, in fact, commit battery against a Betty Ford employee in a Dec. 12 scuffle – and plan to hand the case over to local prosecutors for review.
“The investigation determined Ms. Lohan violated several aspects of her probation, including the battery [charge],” the Palm Desert Police Department said in a press release Monday, adding that they plan to notify Lohan’s probation officer.
Betty Ford employee Dawn Holland was fired the same day she went public with claims that Lohan threw a phone at her and yanked another phone out of her hand, causing a sprain after a confrontation at the famed Rancho Mirage, Calif., clinic.
Police continued their investigation despite Holland’s decision to recant her claims, with her attorney stating that Holland, a former addict herself, had no desire to see Lohan prosecuted.

For those of you keeping track at home, Lindsay has been out of rehab less than 24 hours and has already managed to move almost directly on top of Samantha Ronson’s face and find herself looking at six months in jail that I’m not even going to pretend she’ll serve. At this point, she might as well run over another baby and get it over with. I mean, seriously, what is it? 10 a.m. Pacific? Let’s knock this thing out now, then everyone can take the rest of the week off. I’ll even see if one of those Teen Mom kids suddenly wants to have their life back. We can be done before lunch.

Photos: WENN