Uncanny Valley Johnny Depp Is In The ‘Pirates’ Movie Nobody Wanted

Because Disney has made it abundantly clear that they could care less if Johnny Depp is a wine-drunk pussy who allegedly beat his wife, I guess they decided to double down on that by proving they can just make him with a computer now. So here’s exactly that in the new trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: Holy Christ, You People Still Want These?, which features a young, CGI Captain Jack Sparrow that I assume they created by figuring out how to feed scarves into an HDMI port. You’ll also notice that real-life Johnny Depp sounds way drunker in this one, or maybe that’s just my perception. because I honestly stopped watching these at number 17 when Keith Richards actually showed up. DO YOU GET IT?! JOHNNY DEPP BASED THE CHARACTER ON HIM AND NOW HE’S IN IT WINK WINK WI- OH JESUS, OH GOD THERE’S COKE IN MY EYE! IT BURNS SO BAD!! FUCK A MICKEY MOUSE RIGHT IN THE ASS I SWEAR TO GOD IF I GO BLIND…

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