Pippa Middleton is Single

“Remember, that coat comes off and these men have orders to shoot. Do smile, sister!”

Seen here wearing the Pea Green Ass-Blocker of Dorcestershire so as not to upstage the Royal Anus, Pippa Middleton is reportedly single, according to People:

“It is common knowledge in their close circle of friends that Pippa and Alex have recently split up,” a friend is quoted as telling the Times of London.
Middleton’s newfound celebrity put a strain on the relationship, though the pair will “stay good friends,” the Sun reports.

ALEX: I’m sorry, love, but I can’t in good conscience agree it’s the greatest bum in all of England. I’ll have no part in this charade.
PIPPA: But must we separate? We both abhor dental hygiene so much, that must count for something.
ALEX: Funny story, the Americans have captured electricity into toothbrushes. Positively brilliant.
PIPPA: I don’t even know you anymore!

(It’s like you’re a fly on the wall, I know.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin