1. He’s calling the last people who still give a shit who he is…

  2. And Apple’s stock just went down 7 points.

  3. Hopefully, Winthorpe and Valentine show up and make him poor and miserable.

  4. CK

    Someone choke him with those cords.

  5. Smapdi

    A great photo for his “How To Be A Douche At Everything” book coming out right after his Jobs movie tanks.

  6. Batu Khan

    Cop: Want me to throw him out or just taser him? Costs the same but option B is funny. Have you seen Hangover…

  7. malaka

    is there anything he can’t make seem more duchey?

  8. Odbarc

    Moe Szyslak finally snaps.

  9. MIRV

    “Has he no shame?” – Nearby day traders who ruined people’s retirements

  10. Leeeets get ready to DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!

  11. Honey Big Boobs

    If Mila has any sense she’ll have packed her shit up and moved before the doofus gets home.

  12. asugdcasuidg

    This guy is a zen master level douche. His douchiness transcends time and space. You can almost smell his douchiness even in a still image.

  13. cc

    The lesson here is that an imbecile never gets tired of the sound of their own voice.

  14. Matt

    I keep saying “Show me the money” but all they have are these numbers.

  15. Wouldn’t it be great if that cop standing behind would arrest those fuckers on the floor?

  16. EricLR

    The first time in his life that Aston Kutcher hasn’t been the biggest douchebag in the room.

  17. Little Tongue

    “Hey! Demi! Mila’s snatch tastes better than your wrinkly, droopy, over-extended-by-the-heads-and-especially-chins-of-your-three-daughters’ pussy! Oh! And be careful not to step on your labia! That would hurt!”

  18. There’s a joke about him phoning it in here, but it isn’t funny because we all know he can’t fucking act if he is trying or not.

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