“That’s NOT how you cook a child! THIS is how you cook a child!”

That kid’s expression says it all. Trapped with a Scots twat at Dad’s game. Shit.

Oh my God…Dad, please for once STFU!

“Stupid donkey.”

Wonder why the kid’s ass hurts? Too much creme fraiche from Gordon?

“And for your next challenge, you will have, 60 minutes, to produce us a perfectly cooked 8 year old child.”

“Daaad…stop groping your balls already.”

The German terrorists make their demands for a new Die Hard movie. This time with the Germans winning.

“Maybe if I close my eyes my Dad will stop existing.”

“Sure he’s got friends. He just prefers playing with himself.”

NO! Romeo can’t come out and play cause he’s grounded. And you get the f*ck off my lawn.

and sneeze

See no evil?…Where are the other two Bekham monkeys?

I wish that kid would be like, “He was just leaning over the edge, yelling. Then I’ll be damned if he ended up a greasy spot on that curb below.”

Dreams of Menendezing his dad.

“What are you looking at, you prick?!? This boy’s pasta was inedible! He’ll remember his mistake after I shove him through this glass barricade. OY! Quit praying you!”

I’ve seen enough Hell’s Kitchen to recognize an execution when I see one.

“thats it romeo.. visualize your insult just before delivery.. make sure you know just the right way to make it sting their very soul.. now this IS a pop quiz so take your time and choose wisely.. extra credit for tears”

“Romeo!! For Christ’s sake! Despite what your parents say, YOU CANNOT PLANK vertically!!!”

I wouldn’t get too close. Shar peis are pretty territorial.

world class asshole who knows how to cook. Big effing deal.

“Please, don’t make me go back…take me with you! There’s no food allowed at home.”