Plot twist: Willow was never the one we had to worry about.
True story: You can get high from the hand Jaden uses to wipe his ass.
The problem is he never wipes his ass.
And people wonder why Will was so happy going to a hot dog stand ON ANOTHER CONTINENT.
“Willow?! Willow Ufgood?!”
Soon my homeless army will be complete.
“Welcome to the brotherhood. Just remember, castration first, then drink the kool-aid to cleanse yourself of your Earthly form, then the spaceship will take you to the new world.”
Look, I love California and all, but I refuse to use my hair as a walking billboard for palm trees.
Is he not even going to bother *trying* to fend off the mutant tarantula that’s trying to suck his brain juices?
Why bother? It’ll starve to death trying.
I’m not sure I want to know what the hell is going on there.
You are not fucking royalty.
Hell, you don’t even qualify as an actor.
You know what they teach you about in school? Infectious diseases. Checkmate.
You know Will, you could’ve made a much better movie about creatures that are out to destroy humanity…and called it After Birth.
I was taught in AA to “think it through” before considering something objectionable. But I think I’ll pass on this one because I’m not sure I want to know how it ends.
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