Orlando Bloom in London. (July 17, 2012) -Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
“Hi, Orlando Bloom here. I know we’ve never met, but I just like to call people up and let them know I’m the guy screwing Miranda Kerr. Now, put your dad on the phone so I can tell him too.”
“And in case you’re wondering, my feet are extremely small.”
That was my first thought too – yes, the shoes are ugly but his feet look freakishly small. Too bad…
Yep, just hanging out in my hightops with my pants sagging.
He was hot once. ONCE.
“No, no, Lance, I swear it works. I just grow the hair out a little, tell Jessica it’s ‘for a role,’ and then I can bang Miranda Kerr.
Well, maybe she wouldn’t if Orlando wasn’t always over at YOUR place, bud.”
“Hello, is this Perms R Us?”
“Yeah, Johnny Depp…I totally banged him. Could have any bird on the set. But because I’m O. Bloom, we sweated that mascara right off his face.”
“No, I love you more. No, you hang up first!”
is it gay if my first thought was “wtf is going on with his shoes?”
I like his shoes. I wonder if they’re available in a slip-on…
I read about this. ‘Noddy and the Stolen Shoes’
Can you hear me now? Now?
“no, i’m telling you. they were a SIZE C and then they just disappeared right before my eyes. it was like black magic.”
Please, somebody tomahawk him.
Yes, we do wash and detail large vehicles. What kind of car would it be? A pirate ship?! Damn it, Johnny!
Man Fred Savage looks old all of a sudden.
” Hi Penn Badgley.. Lets wear the same hipster clothes and freak everyone out”. ” We’re so cool ( squeal ) “.
“Oh, Mr. Bruckheimer isn’t in? Well just tell him Orlando called. Again. Sooooo….any word on any upcoming pirate movies? Or anything involving a sword?”
Yeah, a lot of people from all over tell me they are really bright and colorful, but I never got a call from the International Space Station.
“Hello Peter, This is Orlando. Are you sure you don’t have a part for me in the new Hobbit films?”
Yup, I walked all ten blocks and not one shit kicking.
“So Miranda, what are you wearing…”.
This just makes me sad. He used to be so cute.
“So yeah, my mum found this box from the 80’s in the basement with a pair of my old sneekers and my NES. Guess which one I kept… [pause] Guess again”
he’s more of a hobbit than an elf…
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