superficial

  1. schadenfreude

    “OK, for the last damn time! I’m Morpheus from the Matrix. I’m not Samuel “Mothfucking Snakes on a Plane” Jackson and I’m not not Morgan “the voice of everything” Freeman. I’m the other guy.”

    • joe

      “OK, for the last time, I’m the guy whose daughter got shot in the face by Brian Pumper. Sameul L Jackson’s the motherfucker who got shot in the face by Palpatine.”

  2. cc

    I’m not sure the guy in the tan suit thought his kidnapping plan through.

  3. I see that Steven Seagal’s Mandarin clothing line is really taking off.

  4. reginaphilangee

    “I sneaked into her house at night and stood there like this until she gave me her shirt. Anthony, show the man how I surprised Oprah. She did not see it coming.”

  5. “You’d tell me if there were a B-grade comedy actor sneaking up on me, right? Right?!”

  6. JimBB

    …And in sports highlights today, Laurence Fishburne’s publicist goes for the tackle just before Laurence proclaims himself the “King of Kung Fu” on the red carpet.

  7. …subtly letting everyone know he really wants the lead in the Gil Scott Heron biopic.

  8. “Anthony and I are producing a new film tentatively entitled Mo’ Better Buttsecks.”

  9. I haven’t seen Montana since the sex tape. What’s she doing now?

  10. Short Round

    I have this brilliant idea for a TV series: The Walking Matrix. I could be dispensing wisdom as I travel the country while dodging bullets going Argghhh, Argghhh. See… It’s brilliant!

  11. “He’s doing his Liberace impersonation again…must stop him”

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