1. Lt. Dan

    “This press conference needs more hired fans”

  2. Mike Roberts

    Oblivia, before you say anything remember, you are still fat. Your patronage is appreciated.

  3. Any Guy

    “in case people miss the huge sign under me, I need the little sign too. Tom Cruise don’t do one sign”

  4. farting old man's wife

    You are just so glib tom! You don’t know anything about being human!

  5. The Pope

    “Could you speak into the microphone and tell us your name please?”

  6. Buddy the Elf


  7. Ravi Sethna Ramalamadingdong

    Simon Cowell’s long lost twin.

  8. Can

    Are those… cold sores… on my hired fans? Don’t make me jump over this table. HOIST THE CRANE! I’m comin for ya, bitch!

  9. Johnny P!

    Journalist: “Is it true, Mr. Cruise, that you’ve decided to start off with a SOFT -sell of your new movie here in the Middle-East, to GENTLY FEEL-out viewer response before PLUNGING INTO Europe for the HARD sell (let’s face it, they can be very ANAL with action blockbusters), and finally COMING to North America and SATURATING the market there?
    Tom: “If you’ll excuse me, I ah— I have to use the men’s room for a moment”.

  10. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel

    Mister Cruise! Mister Cruise! I have a question for you. My friend says the samosas are vegetarian but I say they are not. Most definitely.

  11. Tom found the best way to get water out of his ear was to lean over, tap his head, and have a Scientologist recruit suck his cock under a table.

  12. Yeah, he fears the Thetan thingy (that is Scientologist slang for vagina).

  13. Frank Burns

    “Was that a glib question? Damn it, no glib questions were to be asked. Glib sucks. I hate the glib. Nobody asks Maverick the glib!”

  14. Venom

    Unlike India, they are way too rich to pay off over in Dubai.

  15. Bonky

    “No sir, that’s 5′ 7″ WITHOUT heels. What news organization are you with anyway ?”

  16. fattymcgee

    What’s missing in this shot are the letters, “C” and “U” on the large grey sign below Tom’s name plate

  17. See how Tom Cruise is leaning in the same direction as that especially phallic microphone? It’s called “tropism.” Like how a plant leans towards sunlight.

  18. Quick, call the authorities… homosexuality is forbidden in the UAE.

  19. Chris

    Serious face serious face serious face

  20. cc

    He’s got a woman sealed in that podium.

  21. squishy

    Well…all I can say is he has a great hair colorist!

  22. What is it with all the photos of stars pinching one off in public lately?

  23. tlmck

    Further proof that Scientologists are just regular folks from another planet.

  24. KC

    And now, I’d like to introduce a man who needs no introduction, but he does need two signs, one of the HUGE, Mr. Tom, uh [*reads sign*] CRUISE!

  25. “okay now focus…my name is ‘tom cruise,’ my name is ‘tom cruise’…”

  26. Ell

    He’s not doing the interview until they bring him the big black microphone they always give to the Kardashians

  27. Vince Lombardi


  28. For a second I thought this was Rob Dyrdek, but it can’t be, there’s no DC Shoes or Monster Energy Drink logos anywhere.

  29. Dinosaurland

    This is the exact moment he could no longer rationalize the millions of dollars he’s invested in his UFO religion.

  30. Larissa

    Spotted the gorgeous stooge reporter we put in the room and now he’s thinking – ‘Oh God, he’s the one. HE IS THE ONE. I would so come out for that guy. Anonymous can’t hack into my mind, right?’

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